What am I going to do about this man?

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He's a friend. Maybe if circumstances were different it could have been something else, but they weren't when we met and we're well and truly friendzoned now.

We move mostly in the same circles and have a large group of friends and aquaintances.

He's a good friend. Someone who never lets me down, makes me laugh, supportive when I need it, but will tell me harsh truths when I need them too. We also work together on seen common goals. I'd miss him if he wasn't my friend, he adds a lot to my life.

However, recently I've noticed he appears to be enjoying making people think we're a couple (there's always been speculation!). E.g. if we share a lift he'll make sure everyone knows we arrived/left together. He'll "joke" that everyone will assume we're "at it" if we seperate from the crowd at a social thing.

He's made it very clear he doesn't want anything more than friendship, but this is i don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to think they have a chance, isn't it?

Fwiw, I'm not looking for anyone and part of me enjoys this kind of low key "boyfriend experience" without the hassle of a realtionship, but this territorial behaviour is getting on my nerves and I was probably slow to notice

If you're such good friends and can tell each other home truths then tell him his behaviour is making you uncomfortable and ask him to stop.

First response nails it

Agree with first poster (have had to do this myself - it was a bit awkward at first but totally fine).

He's made it very clear he doesn't want anything more than friendship

Just to play devil’s advocate, was this recent? Could he have started seeing you differently? Would you be interested in more, if he was?

Yep sorry, he's marking you as his property. Presumably it's a nice little ego boost to know he's got a little friend who will be permanently at his beck and call (because how are you going to find someone of your own with this performance going on all the time?)
You have to decide how much you value this friendship because the rest of your life is going to be hugely affected.
Another thought, how do you think this friendship will continue if or when he finds a partner himself?

but this territorial behaviour is getting on my nerves

And because you're so close, you've told him, yes?

And then told him again, when he didn't take any notice?

I'm just checking this bit first because the MN definition of 'good friend', appears to be 'someone I can't be honest with'.

Strange but true.

Well, I've only just noticed the extent of it, but yes, I will talk to him about it. I have talked to him before about using me as an ego boost, actually, which he acknowledged and apologised for, said he didn't realise he was doing it, which is probably true.

Recently it feels more deliberate.

I'm sure the friendship would change if either of us has a partner. Neither of us wants one currently (after different, but equally horrible disasters) but that could change.

He sounds rather manipulative

I don't think I'd like a friend such as him in my life

I don't think it's that. I think he believes he's having a bit of fun with it, feeding the gossips for a laugh.

I'd be put off continuing the friendship let alone more. Sounds like he needs to do some work on himself.

That is almost certainly true. I don't think that means he can't be a friend though? He would be a shocking partner.

There's a fine line between a jolly jape and manipulation as the means to an end

I guess it depends what you're looking for in your friends

He wouldn't be a friend of mine

So just to be clear, he's doing something that makes you uncomfortable. You have told him, he's acknowledged it, apologised, said it wasn't on purpose... And now continues to do the thing, but on purpose now?

And you want to be friends with this person?

I’m not sure I could be such close friends with someone I thought would make a shocking partner. I’d probably find those issues shocking as a friend, but obviously nuance is key here and they may be very relationship specific things.

Are you happy to let him make people believe there could be something between you too, given that you wouldn’t want to date him as he’d make such a bad partner? Are you happy with how that might reflect on you and your choices? Just something to consider I guess if you are weighing up if you should nip this in the bud promptly.

No, it's not the same thing, he stopped that.

I don't think you cut off friends just becuase they're struggling with something, do you? Surely all our friends occasionally do something we wish they wouldn't?

I do need to talk to him, and I will. What happens after that depends on how he responds.

He'd make a shocking partner now, because he's coming out of a messy separation, which is mostly messy because he's tying himself in knots trying to do the right thing. He won't be properly seperated and able to be a proper partner to anyone else for a long time, but he's a good man and a good friend.

I'm really unclear as to why you posted, then.

If you want to remain friends with him and you know you need to talk to him about it and its all a bit of fun....

. ....what can anyone say to help you?

I don't really care what others think or why any of them would think any of it is any of their business. Our actual friends know it's all nonsense.

You never want to chat anything over?

He is basically cocking his leg on you, tell him to cut it out.
How he reacts will tell you everything you need to know

Yes. But last time I pointed out he was using me as an ego boost, he was contrite.

I guess it's one of the reasons I like him, he's an interesting character, a product of his working class, chauvinist, deprived background, now doing work no one would have expected of him and really trying to be a "good" man, but not always getting it right.

Or I am incredibly naive, but I'm a single woman in a harsh world, and he's one of the people I can call when the chips are down and know he'll do what he can to help.

Friendships are definitely different when you're middle aged and single. You build a network that gives you most of what you might have had from being married, but through lots of different people. It's been a steep learning curve, but a very interesting study of human nature.

I don't think you cut off friends just becuase they're struggling with something, do you?

OP you're very confusing. What is he struggling with? Not humiliating you in public? It seems very clear to me. He's doing something you don't like. So ask him to cut it out. If he doesn't stop, then you need to decide if you can put up with it in order to keep the friendship.

My 54 years on this planet has taught me that there is no such thing as a male friend, unless he’s gay.

He wants a relationship, he’s just too chicken to be straight (no pun intended) with you. He hopes that by pretending you’re a couple you’ll fall into his arms with no effort or risk of humiliation on his part.

Tell him to knock it off and if you’re still uncomfortable in a few weeks you have to cut contact with him. Its not a friendship and it can’t go anywhere good.

He's not humiliating me. I don't feel humiliated at all, why would I? If anything it's not bad for my ego that he wants people to think we might be a couple. which might be why I've gone along with it without overthinking it until now

He's struggling with life, the breakdown of his marriage, his relationship with his adult children, how they're going to work out their finances, some work stuff too. None of which is related to our friendship, but probably is behind the ego needs a boost thing.

He doesn't want a realtionship, now, I'm sure of that. He doesn't have the time or the bandwidth. It may be possible that if he were in a position to be considering a realtionship, he'd be interested, but when that time comes, he'll be a very eligible man. He won't have any trouble!