How did you decide to try for a baby? Should I try?

[KindleLindle]

TDLR: Need to decide whether I want to try for a baby or not. I like kids and picture myself as a mum all the time but I don't have a broody urge and I'm a bit of an introvert so I'm not sure if I'm the best person to do it. How did you decide either way?

I always said I'd try to have kids if and when I had the urge to do it, expecting some kind of broodiness to hit at some stage I guess. But I'm 30 and it still hasn't.

I'm very involved with my nieces (schooling, sleepovers, childcare) but I know this isn't comparable to having your own full time(!)

There are bits that sound really great, even the not so "fun" bits. I'm really interested in learning how to help someone navigate the world, how I could help shape a whole new life. I'd love to see what personality a kid developed and how I'd see myself and my partner in them or where I wouldn't! I quite like responsibility. I know the OFSTED results for nearby nurseries and schools and know where all the local parks and groups are.

But I know a kid turns your whole life upside down and there's so much that I couldn't prepare for.

I'm a bit of an introvert and I wouldn't say I have loads of energy. I like weekends that are calm. I've had the same friendship group since school and I have siblings that I'm close to but beyond those, I'm not massively a social person. I'd rather be at home or out for a walk somewhere pretty than do lots of social things. I've focused on career and done okay for myself but I've recently become disillusioned with the long hours and stress.

I've always stuck by the sentiment that I'd rather regret not having kids than ever regret a live child as I feel that might leak somehow. But I'm fast approaching a point where I need to decide whether to try and I'm still not sure if I'd be a good mum or if I'd end up frazzled.

Anyone felt similar? How did you decide you definitely did or didn't want kids?

I'm the opposite to a lot of people here.
I had the overwhelming biological urge to have a baby. It was literally all consuming. I had always wanted children and had spent years working with kids.
When I had my first though, I found it much much harder than I'd expected at first. I felt like a failure as I didn't bond with her until she was 4 weeks old and then when she was a toddler, she went through an extremely difficult phases and I struggled so much.
She's 6 now and my youngest is 5 and I adore them.
Being a mum is the best thing I've done with my life but I'm not going to say it isn't the hardest thing I've done because it is.

Your life isn't yours anymore. It completely revolves around your children and you lose most of your freedom which I found difficult in the first couple of years.
You adapt and it becomes your normal.
Despite all that, I wouldn't change it for the world but my god, I'm exhausted 😂

My sister never felt the maternal urge, she became pregnant, was worried she wasn't maternal enough. Oh boy, the relationship they have they have is beautiful! Same as a friend in her 40s, she didn't want kids, was unexpected, same again, total devotion. You don't know until it happens, please just do what is best for you but don't be scared of not bonding because you will. Xx

Then again, your relationship might not be 'oh boy so beautiful.' Having kids to have a best friend for life is not a good reason to have a kid. That's unbelievably selfish.

Creating a best friend isn't a factor in my thinking at all.

I can't think of one reason to have a kid that wouldn't be selfish though.

It's a tough decision. I think I'm going to speak to DP and see where he is on it all.

I find threads like this fascinating - if these were the only stories I’d ever heard I’d never have got pregnant!

Luckily when I decided it was time, I’d for a while had lots of people around me who loved parenthood, and for whom the child didn’t involve a radical change to their lives. Of course changes are required, but they still go places and do things and have their own interests and jobs and hobbies and friends. I think I’m very fortunate that most of my friends/family are in good partnerships where they are equal partners. The few who are in relationships where the woman is expected to do everything are the ones who find it all consuming and an identity-destroying struggle.

I always remind myself that some people have two, so it can’t be all that bad!

I have three sets of friends with 2 or more children and all we hear is constant complaints about how the children spend their time arguing and bickering.

@Theedgeoftheabyss I mean, one can’t be all that bad if they decide to go again.. but definitely stopping at one here. I know my limits! 😂