If you’ve chosen to be one and done, why?

[HelloFrogs]

Curious at to what people’s reasons are. We’re thinking about it but the only thing holding me back is the idea of a sibling. I know they might not get along but I think growing up with a sibling is a reason a lot of people have another, whether they say so or otherwise it seems to generally be the done thing for most families and is accepted as the default.

Risky pregnancy
Was a single parent for a while
I'm old
It's hard work.

Why not, though? I wanted to have a child. Now I have one. Like a lot of things I wanted to do, I don't want to do it again.

I love being able to focus all my energies on one child without the difficulty of feeling torn between two (or more!). I had a sibling growing up and we fought all the time and I genuinely don't think I could keep calm and parent well with constant bickering and squabbles.

I'm one and done. I never understood why people find it such an odd concept. I enjoy having a child and don't see the need to have another, it's as simple as that.

Exactly this.

I was very much 'not having a baby at all' until I hit my 30s and became desperate for one overnight. A large part of that was hormonal I know, if I'd ridden it out I would have been perfectly happy and fulfilled as a child-free woman.

That's not to say I regret having DS at all, he is the light of my world, but I've had a child. I don't need another one. That's the biggest reason, add in: I didn't have him until I was 35 and it took us two years, so age; cost; would have had to move house; couldn't manage fewer hours at work and still have a fulfilling job; DH not at all fussed; DS's autism diagnosis process which was incredibly difficult.

But I only ever wanted one is the main, overriding reason why I only had one.

Because the first one cost a fortune (two lots of IVF) and I was knocking on a bit.

I'm glad I do only have one as she's rather high maintenance!

We are genuinely happy at one, there’s no desire for another and no sense of someone missing. But there are influencing factors:

-we were 41 and 46 at DD’s birth, no fertility issues, we just met later. We are now 46 and 51 and the ship has sailed.
-money. We couldn’t afford a small gap and no time for a big gap.
-quality of life is better as a 3, it all looks like hard work with a second child.

I had an easy pregnancy and birth, have loved the early years, did extended breastfeeding etc. I feel like we nailed it with DD and there’s no longing to do it again and potentially fuck it up.

Very similar here

1. we were 40 and 41
2. we could not afford a small gap (childcare costs)
3. also our daughter did not sleep and was / is generally very hard work (since diagnosed with autism)

I probably would have had another after 4/5 years had I been younger

Money. We have one child who has wanted for nothing, holidays hobbies, extra curricular activities, clubs etc etc etc. That was the decision we made. Have one and give her everything. She has grown up into an absolute diamond of a person rather than the entitled princess most folk predicted.

As above really. I really desperately wanted to be a mother and now I am one. I've given every stage of her young childhood absolutely everything I've got. I did each stage once and didn't want to do it again.

I wanted money and head space and the opportunity to continue my interests and career and time with my lovely DH. I wanted to continue to travel extensively on holidays.

I didn't want sibling rivalry and discord and chaos.

All that said though we are neighbours to her cousins and we live in a big housing complex with about 30 kids so I have a lot of chaos to manage on a day to day level!

Kids are expensive. I had to work a second job to cover childcare.
Our house isn’t big enough.
I don’t want to be pregnant after 35, and I turn 36 in a couple of months.
I have to be the mum. If I could be the dad, I wouldn’t mind another kid so much, but I hate being default parent, doing most of the housework and having to work as well. I’m massively burnt out as it is.
I dont want to be referee between fighting siblings.
I don’t get on with the sibling I have so that isn’t enough of a reason to give my daughter a sibling.

Quite simply, the cost of childcare!

I hated being pregnant
I hated child birth
Cost of childcare
Impact on my career

We thought we'd have one, then see how we felt about another.
I've now lived 12 years with a totally ruined undercarriage. Pregnancy was lovely, birth was unspeakably horrendous.
I would have absolutely no patience for sibling fights. DH is one of 6, 5 of them get one, one's a giant weirdo. I have an older sibling and we have never got on, I still suffer from it.

Zero regrets for stopping at one. Life is enjoyable and easy, one child one dog. I'm a mother, having more than one wouldn't make me 'more' of a mother.

Child has tons of friends, many of them 'onlies' too.

I was never bothered about having kids however ex-DH wanted one. Stupidly I agreed, had a rotten pregnancy, a rotten birth then it turned out that it was much harder work than my ex thought it was going to be and he’d pretty much checked out of family life within a couple of years. I was more or less a single parent to a child that I loved dearly but would never have chosen to have.

We never ever considered a second. One is great, feel we have been able to and will do more for her than if we had more kids.

Had an awful labour and birth and couldn't and wouldn't of gone through that again.

Never had an urge to have another even before I gave birth.

We've got more time and money to do things with ds.

Because I didn't want any more. Simple as that.

Neither of us ever had a set idea of what our family would look like - I’ve got one sibling with whom I have a difficult relationship and DH is one of 3 but they aren’t particularly close so there was never the thought that our child would ‘miss out’.
But also, neither of us ever felt the desire for a 2nd and it felt really unfair to bring a child into the world that we didn’t actively ‘want’ in the same way we wanted our first. So we stayed with one.

Age - was 41 when dd was born and money. Had to go back to work at 6 months and couldn't have afforded 2 lots of nursery fees.

I didn't enjoy pregnancy and her birth was traumatic. She didn't sleep through the night until she was 4. I've never had great mental health.

She is 12 now and has always maintained through the years that she doesn't want a sibling

I don't regret it in the slightest and have never longed for another one or even thought it might be nice

Don't want to do the newborn or early toddler stage again.

Don't want to risk having a disabled child, or going through the stress of pregnancy and possible risks to myself or the baby.

Don't have any desire to be pregnant again.

We have more choice of house and a lower mortgage if we only need three bedrooms.

We don't have to budget to enjoy all the things we or our son will want to do in future. With two, we'd have to compromise and do fewer of the big plans we have.

I don't think I want the stress of juggling the needs of two children at different ages. I can believe that love multiplies when you have a second, but time, patience and money do not.

The only reason I'd consider a second is to give my son a sibling. But I have a terrible relationship with my own sibling, so the risk of that happening means it's not worth it.

Pregnancy and birth were hard. I don't cope well on disrupted sleep, don't want to risk having a difficult, non sleeping/early rising child when we have it so good with DD. Health issues for me. Space in the house. DD struggled emotionally with the addition of a puppy so no additional stress or jealousy for her. Loads of reasons really. But I do often doubt myself as to whether it would be beneficial for DD to have a sibling when they're older and we're elderly or dead. And I try to weigh up whether I can suck up the baby toddler stage one more time for the sake of a bigger family when I'm old.

Many reasons for me:

1. I'm still having flashbacks of birth many years later
2. I didn't enjoy having a little baby
3. I can't afford another maternity leave - DH would have to stay home
4. Holidays, days out, school uniform, Christmas - all more affordable with one which means we can do more
5. We only get the weekends together as a family so I want DS to get our full attention
6. I love having a peaceful house
7. My only friend to go on and have a second regrets it. The rest are child-free or stopped at one

The sibling thing is the only part I ever wobbled on, but that reason alone doesn't override all of the above.

An easy pregnancy but a difficult delivery
Ds' dad became bullying and controlling after ds was born
Then once we'd left and I was a single mum, money
Age