If you’ve chosen to be one and done, why?

[HelloFrogs]

Curious at to what people’s reasons are. We’re thinking about it but the only thing holding me back is the idea of a sibling. I know they might not get along but I think growing up with a sibling is a reason a lot of people have another, whether they say so or otherwise it seems to generally be the done thing for most families and is accepted as the default.

Always felt one would suit me best. I don't want to feel like butter spread too thinly.

Also - and probably the biggest factor, would be the risk of having a child with a serious health condition / v high needs. I didn't fully appreciate the very real risk and huge impact before having a kid. Personally, I wouldn't cope.

This question doesn't make sense. Neither does any question about why people have 0 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 10 children. Everyone is different. Everyone's reasons and motivations are different.

Trying to make a final decision on this, but it's basically age, money, fear of another child not being amazing like the one I have, not liking my freedom to be limited.

I didn’t enjoy pregnancy. I adore my DS and simply didn’t want another child to change the dynamic. My DH works away often. Another child would cost more money. I completely understand why people choose to have more than one, but for us the one we have makes
our family complete.

I always thought I'd either have one child or none, and having antenatal depression made me certain I didn't want to go through that again. DS is autistic and when he was younger regularly said "You're not going to have another baby are you?" so he's happy with how things are too.

We just didn’t feel any want for another for their own sake and making a human being just to be “a sibling” didn’t seem like an ethical thing to do.

It's easy, i love that i can spend time with just her without feeling guilty about leaving out a sibling, i love that it's quiet, no bickering and fighting like my mum had to deal with, we have more time and money for days out/her activities/holidays, easier to do days out/meals out managing just 1.

For me, I just wanted to experience pregnancy and motherhood, and to enjoy life as a sahm with plenty of time for myself once dc was at nursery and school, with the easiest level of parenting and minimal juggling.

Miscarriage at 13 weeks,
3 x surgical procedures led to secondary infertility
Age - both older parents

My daughter asked for a sibling until 6 weeks ago when we rescued kittens and she hasn't asked since

Nature took the choice away from us, I still don't feel complete but at 47 I'm learning to live with it 🩷

I agree with you. I have two but I’ve never understood why parents that have one child are looked at strangely and asked why for their decision. No one ever says ‘why did you decide to have two children?’
when in fact I never actually wanted any!

Also to add, my daughter has never wanted a sibling, we've asked every so often from a young age but the answer was always no, still is, she has seen a lot of sibling arguments among her friends over the years so maybe just doesn't want the drama.
Plus she has loads of friends.

Money
Age
I think having loads of kids is selfish!

Find one toddler hard.
Like being able to have time for me to do hobbies i enjoy.
Love my DD but also enjoy having a break where husband takes over and vice versa.
Less juggling
More money

Bad delivery
PND
Terrible sleeper until he was 4.
Developmental concerns which now have resolved but it was an incredibly stressful time.
Wasn't sure our long term relationship/marriage would survive another so we decided to prioritise a happy family of three with two happily married parents than have another and risk divorce.
Post pandemic and dh working from home we'd need to move house for a bigger one - this wasn't a high up on the list but a consideration.

DH has a life limiting Illness and so there was always the risk that I'd end up alone.

Money time and my career - I client do not with 2.

Plus DH is lazy and I'm default parent. I didn't fancy doing that with two!

I was 36, we'd been trying for ages, he was such an easy baby, I thought I can't be that lucky twice😄

I'm only 25 so who knows what the future holds but

• high risk pregnancy including pre eclampsia
• almost lost my life in labour
• crippling PND
• baby had colic, reflux etc so screamed non stop for months and months
• now physically disabled child (had leg amputated)
• no support network apart from my partner

I'd love more but I don't think I'd cope

Because he's autistic. Wonderfully, beautifully autistic. If I knew I would get another child, autistic or not, who complemented his needs, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But there's a high chance that another child would not complement his needs and that's not a risk I'm willing to take.

She was a very,very difficult baby. OH was a bit of a prick. By the time I got over it all the gap was too large(I wasn't starting over again just as she became more independent) and finances.

Traumatic delivery followed by PTSD. However my DS has brought me huge joy so I am very happy with my lot.

Lots of reasons, had to tfmr in 1st pregnancy at 16wks, then found out in 2nd trimester of 2nd trimester that i had a rare autoimmune disease that impacted both me and my baby for the remainder of pregnancy, and first 3 months of my son's life - he also ended up in neonatal care. Found out i was pregnant at the start of covid lockdown. The company I worked for went into administration so I lost my job. DH had a mental breakdown wheN DS turned 1. DS being assessed for autism and looking likely he has it.
Things have felt hard for a long time and I really can't face having another child. I also know DS would struggle with it, and I feel so lucky to have him in my life and be able to give him all of my attention, particularly at his age.

Love being one and done, DD10 very much does not want a sibling and we don't want any more kids, so it all works out. Being able to put all our time, attention and resources into one child works and feels better for us.

Siblings are overrated. I had two and they feature very little in my childhood memories - I was either out and about with my friends or alone with my drawings/ books.
My siblings had different interests from early on.
They resented me for being (or so they thought) the 'favourite', and they still do.
I expect our relations will get even more strained when it comes to caring after our parents (should they need that when older).

One of my dh siblings loves him but not us (his wife and dc), and the other is nc.

Other reasons for stopping at one - to give all I have to one (time, calm focus, resources).
One child is more 'transportable'. It's easier to move location for short/ long time, or to separate if marital relationship broke down.
You feel less tied up + freer.

Be prepared for many snide comments from people with more than one. If I dare moan about motherhood, the reply is always or dc is an only and that's why.

But once you've made up your mind it feels right in so many ways.

dc is an only and that's why.

I'm already fed up of this phrase and DS hasn't even started school yet. I actively tune out anyone who uses it now.

My favourite was a women who I met a handful of times at a toddler group when DS was almost 3. He was playing brilliantly with all the other children and she told me oh you can tell he has siblings at home he's great at sharing and taking charge. When I told her he was an only child her response was oh that's why he's so good with the other kids he's obviously desperate to play with others because he's got no one to play with at home.

I looked at her like she had two heads. She genuinely couldn't see the ridiculousness of her vastly apposed comments.

@Procrastinates yeah, hilarious! You've got to laugh x