Mother admits ending sons life

[vacay]

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I'm not sure how I feel about this?
On the one hand she didn't want to see her son suffer anymore. But surely a 7 year old when he asked his mom to take the pain away didn't mean to end his life?

Sorry if there is already a thread going I haven't checked

Such a hard thing to read about. I have every sympathy with this woman. There are worse things than death and sometimes it can come as a merciful release from pain and suffering.

That poor mother. The biggest act of love. It must have ripped her heart out.

Some time ago a TV crew followed a young girl with bone cancer. They followed the family right up to the point of death. Her final days were excruciating to hear. Her mother was filmed, with the sound of her daughter upstairs. I have never seen nor heard anything as awful. Her mother, bless her, was saying how brave her daughter was, how much of a fighter. What else could she say? But why did she have to go through that. Why was she not given extra morphine or similar. I believe in hospices they can administer "oblivion" drugs. It was an unspoken reality in past times that morphine was given to hasten death. Why do we expect people to suffer so much now. In a world with so many drugs available to us, why be so cautious at the end of life. It's inhuman.

But I agree, being compassionate to someone in great pain is not enough. I just do not want 'assisted dying' to be legalised. I suggest compassion directed at those who help a loved one to die (i.e. they are not convicted of manslaughter) but I want to avoid pressure being put on people to commit suicide when they do not wish to - which can be an outcome of allowing 'assisted dying'. The example I gave - pressure on a woman to die because her care is eating DC's inheritance - is a possibility and one I wish to avoid.

There are no checks that will prevent a DC from putting gentle pressure on a DP to get on with shuffling off this mortal coil, so we need to make doing that illegal.

That poor family, I'd have done the same, it must have broken her heart 😞

When I was 14,my darling,mensa intelligent,beautiful,caring,my everything to each other grandad died due to dementia

He'd been dying for 18 months-he brought me up and fell asleep in the chair

He woke up and asked who I was,I told him,he asked his name I told him and he seemed to accept this

A month later,he was dumped in a home (I came home and found everything we owned in a skip-i had minutes to grab what I could and go to my parents-i wish i was joking when i say i had to grovel to my narc mother to allow me to stay with the family-shed known my fathers sister was going to do this and not said a word)

I was forced to watch him die

He didn't know who I was,I was just the 'girl in blue' (my school uniform) and then he lost that-he didn't have a clue who I was

At the end (he hung on for me to the end) my darling grandad,the one who gave me a cuddle and bandaged me up when I almost chopped my finger off,the grandad who taught me to read and write,the grandad who showed me right from wrong,the grandad who gave me my love of history and English literature died-he was unable to stand,he was shrivelled up to half his height,he couldn't use the toliet (they had him in a nappy),he didn't know anything around him

(he knew I was there-he hung on for me-im told he kept whipering 'no,not yet' and was using his fingers to wave away something or someone-he died hours after seeing each other for the last time-he knew,somewhere in his damaged rotting brain,who i was)

If he'd been an animal,they would have allowed him to die 17 months earlier,with me with him

Instead,because he was human,he suffered to the end

He wasn't going to get better,he was on a long,slow and painful path to death

Painful as it is,it would have been better to allow him to die with his dignity-not wired to to God knows how many wires while wearing a nappy-this last memory kills me

Fast forward to 2021

My darling father in law was in hospital-they told him he had cancer and wasn't going to last long

He was brought home so my darling mil could take care of him

She did-she went above and beyond her marriage vows and he died 3 months later

On a lot of pain relief,no dignity (he lost a lot of weight and had lost control of his bladder and bowels) no say in how he wanted to go (apart from being at home) while begging us to allow him to go and be with his dd (who they lost in 2000-again,she suffered to the bitter end)

Again,if he'd been an animal,we could have said our goodbyes and he wouldn't have suffered (which was his wish)

I know this is a very grey area-some people would bump off an inconvenient granny or murder someone under the 'but they where suffering!' excuse but something has to be done

We allow a long,slow,painful and torturous death because 'it's the right thing to do'

No judgement to this mum at all-i can't say I wouldn't have done the same in her shoes

I’m so sorry for your loss and your guilt. I wouldn’t judge your decision at all. Hope you can learn to be kind to yourself after going through this.

This was also 40+ years ago. Cancer treatments were not as advanced as they are today, drugs less advanced.
My friend’s son as diagnosed with leukaemia ( acute myeloid) just after his fifth birthday 35 years ago and while some of his care was excellent, much was lacking in compassion and skill. The attitude of one nurse on a day when I was visiting particularly shocked me. My friend witnessed a doctor trying to carry out a procedure on her child without wearing gloves. She had to stop him and tell him how to do it correctly.

With a lot of luck, great parents and a bone marrow transplant he survived.

I think she did the right thing, and god forbid this happened to any of my children I hope I'd have the strength to help them. It makes me cry just considering it, but I couldn't allow my children to suffer.

My grandfather died of cancer over 20 years ago, and it still causes me pain thinking of him in the hospice in pain. It's only recently that I've started to think that not being able to stop myself crying my eyes out when I think of him is maybe not normal. It's traumatic watching someone die in pain.

When my 23year old daughter was dying of cancer and in pain, of course I wished I could have taken the pain away but I was hoping agaisnt hope there would be a cure, which never came.
I think this Mother was very brave but I couldnt have done it.

I have nothing but compassion for this mother.

I’ve no children so I can’t imagine what that’s like. But I have strong suspicions that the medical team looking after my grandad, who raised me, gave him ‘too much’ morphine and I thank them for it. We should be able to ease human passing the way we do for animals, without fearing prosecution.

The other argument for assisted dying under strict controls is that as a society, we are conditioned to believe that a long life = a good quality life. Care homes and high quality clinical interventions keep people alive for much longer than their natural lifespan under sometimes unbelievable levels of suffering. The quality of life of some people in end-of-life care settings is near enough non-existent and that's not because of the lack of diligence or care of the staff around them. It's because they are suffering intolerably and yet are, in some instances, being supported to remain alive when they would rather die.

Why can't we be brave enough to face up to this and offer assisted dying as a compassionate care pathway rather than continue to talk ourselves into the long-life = good quality of life argument?

It's unthinkable what this mother must have gone through. It must mean giving up on hope that he would ever get better, even if you are told, you pray or hope for miracles, don't you. It's easy to have an opinion when you are remote, but when it's your own child?

I hope it gave her peace. I think she did the absolute right thing, but there can't be anything worst than seeing your child suffer like that.

Bless you. Like Hamish’s mum, you did what was best for your lovely little one.

I'm not going to judge that poor woman. Instead I will be grateful I have never been in that position and hope I never will be.

She made a choice. Good for her. I’m sure as a mother it’s the most horrendous thing to witness and be helpless. So sad. Interesting that she knows she is dying and can now talk about it.

What a sad story.

Also, this thread alone shows that the majority of people would choose a controlled peaceful death over prolonged suffering, either for themselves or a loved one.

The greatest love of all is to do what she did.

I agree.

I think this is such a sad story and I don’t judge her for it at all. I think it happens far more than people realise actually.

My Mum and Gran both died of bowel cancer. I nursed both of them through it. My Mums last moments in particular were absolutely horrific and I have flashbacks about it now. I wish I had given her more morphine. A lot more.

This is the saddest thing I think I’ve ever read. What an incredibly courageous thing to do, to give her son a peaceful end instead of one of increasing pain and suffering. My heart goes out to her ❤️

And this is why we need assisted dying, instead of criminalising a loving mother.

Reading the comments sounds like people are very eager to support the mother and assure readers that they don't judge.

My mither was in so much pain before her death with cancer. But neither her nor any of us even thought for a second that we ought to end her life. Life is sacred. No one has the right to take it because no one creates it other than God.

Life is tough and full of horrible circumstances, but we are required to at least do our damndest to preserve life despite the worst.