Bath temperature anxiety. This isn’t normal is it…

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I think I’ve been fooling myself that I have control
over my anxiety but I think this highlights that maybe I don’t?

Ran a bath for 9 year old. Tested on elbow. Felt fine. Child stood in. Said it felt a bit hot so I ran some more cold. Child said it was fine and sat down happily. 30 minutes later child calls to get out. I always stay upstairs with door open and call to ask if they are ok every few minutes. Go to wash hair and I think bath is hot. Child is very pale skinned- face and skin are pink. Child maintains its not too hot. Now I’m in a blind panic. Trying not to obsessively ask child if they are ok. Child is ok. Mother is not ok. This is definitely anxiety isn’t it. Or do I have a reason to worry. Water definitely felt hot. Child definitely pink. I really hate this feeling of rising panic taking over.

No it's not normal, it's anxiety.

It's also anxious behaviour to check on your 9 year old in the bath every few minutes.

Oh bless you. As someone who has had anxiety I totally get that feeling.

At 9 your child is totally old enough to know if it's too hot. They would tell you if it was burning. Nothing bad has happened.

On the bigger issue, are you on meds or having CBT or anything? Life doesn't need to be like this, and it's such a relief when it isn't anymore.

I like my baths really hot in winter. As in coming out flaming red. Once or twice a child has descended on me into the bath to join me. They've never had any issues from the temperature.

It's only babies' baths you test with the elbow, even then mine used to like it warmer than that. By 9yo they'll be fine with a warm bath; even if they prefer a cold one 😀

Every kid/adult sometimes have a bath and comes out a bit too rosy. It’s normal and fine. If it was actually too hot they would have told you.

I also don’t drive anymore which I am aware is completely and utterly ridiculous.

I really don’t want medication.

Do you have a thermostat on your bath taps? If you do, you can set the temperature to something reasonable and not have to worry about the bath being too hot.

When this happens I try so hard not to pass the anxiety on to the child. I always take myself away so they can’t see I’m anxious!

Your child would tell you if it's not right the kid is 9 you have been like this for 9 years not only are you in a heightened state it will rub off on your child. Trust them to tell you the truth, they are too old for you to be running in and out checking on them every few minutes.

Being a bit pink after a warm bath is normal.

Medication may be needed, but you may be able to access counselling which will give you strategies that help you to calm down when you feel the anxiety building.

Make an appointment to speak to your GP, if you or your partner have access to any employee assistance programmes through work see if there is counselling available, or if you have access to any private health services.

You've identified that you are overly anxious about certain things, now you need to try to address that before it gets worse.

Reality check every time...if bath was too hot after 30 mins your child would have been blistered and screaming on getting in....9 year olds don't need you checking on them.
Have you tried CBT?

Why don't you want meds? They are really helpful. This level of anxiety is really affecting your life.

I guess I’m just anxious about taking meds. 😬

Could you get one of those floating bath thermometers to set your mind at rest? Then you'd know the temperature was ok

OK I think you need to talk to a professional maybe your Gp ask for some councilling.

Years ago I was on beta blockers for anxiety they were effective and help stop those horrible physical symptoms you get.

I don't even check the temp of my 2 year olds with my elbow anymore- just run my hand through it. I often used to come out of baths really pink and a bit sweaty- that's how I liked them.
Assuming she doesn't have SEN she would defiantly tell you if it was too hot.
Honestly I would think a 9 year old should be learning to run her own bath and definitely be bathing without you checking on her constantly?
Nothing wrong with medication if it helps you function better.

Not wanting medication is most probably part of your anxiety though

They’re 9. If they say they’re fine they’re fine. If they were too hot they’d get out. And they should be allowed a bath in peace and privacy on their own. So no it’s not normal but you don’t need to suffer, see your GP and don’t be so quick to dismiss medication that could really help.

What does your child do if they needs to wash their hands or face I'm assuming it's warm water?

You don't worry about leaving your dc alone but worry about the water temp?

Lots of people take them, if they help then that's great.

Right at this moment you don't even know if they would be a suitable or recommended option. Speak to a doctor and see what they say. Nothing is going to move overly fast, unless you have access to private healthcare so there will be time for you to think about your options, but being honest with yourself, are you comfortable and happy with your current level of anxiety? Would trialling taking medication, if it is an option, really be worse?

I avoided taking medication for years, I wish I hadn't, it has been very helpful. Life changing actually

I was too but they have made a huge difference to me

By checking in on them every few minutes, you're already going to be passing your worries onto them.

You need to go and get some help for both your sakes.

Don't allow anxiety to control your life, and you definitely don't want your anxieties to impact your child. There are many ways to help yourself, not just medication, and I strongly urge you to get proactive about managing this. The DARE book about managing anxiety is excellent, and you need to explore why you're having anxiety. Peri-menopause is a very, very common reason, and it can start in your late 30s, if not earlier in some cases. I also implore you not to completely disregard the option of taking medication. It can be life saving for some people.