Being the ugly friend is hard

[Uglyfriend]

Name changed for this one, I'm having a really difficult Monday morning.
I just think it's so hard when you're the "ugly friend" in a circle. I'm 27 and over the last few years after suffering with an eating disorder I put on about 4 stone. I'm 13 stone now the heaviest I've ever been and that already makes me feel awful about myself.
When we go out I always make the effort, have my hair done, make up, dress nice. We are in a culture of selfies and pictures at the moment, I tend not to take many anymore because I don't like the way I look but always get in friendship photos or in selfies if I'm asked.
One of my friends this weekend made sure she had a selfie with every single person apart from me to the point she'd go in-between me and another to take one ok I get it I'm not beautiful like them. She even went as far to take a selfie photo of her, two others and myself but when she seen I was in it she took it a further 2 times before just leaving my arm in it.
I've had comments before like "put your sunglasses on" or can you take a nice picture of us so I'm obviously not in it.
I know I need to lose weight and I'll start back to it again, I haven't long come back off holiday so need to get back on the bandwagon.
I've even been scrolling through aesthetic companies today to see if I can have some work done.
My friends love me and I don't even think they know they're doing it, it's getting to the point where I don't even want to go for nights out anymore because my self confidence is so low.

Wtf!!!!

You need new friends.

I've never heard anything like this in my life and if relevant I'm only a few years older than you.

Yeah, I don't think those are friends.

Your friends sound awful!!!!
I am in a group of friends and we all range in size from 8 to 20, noone is ever left out of pictures!!! Your friends sound shallow and self absorbed your not the problem here

The selfie person is shallow and mean.

Only make changes for you, no one else.

This is the dynamic I was into when I was 15 (though there were no mobile phones).
Change friends.

They sound awful! Real friends wouldn't do that!
Devils advocate... Maybe they know you don't like photos and don't want to force you to be in them? But tbh they just sound mean. I can't imagine this is the only way they make you feel left out so I would find new friends.

Find other activities and then new friends will come along. The main activity with this friend group is excessive selfie taking and shallow presentation for social media. Take up dogs, hill walking, bell ringing, kite flying, reading poetry, square dancing, film making, cat washing, basically anything where the activity is not a “night out with posed pictures.”

Your so called 'friends' are behaving horribly here. I have a group of friends of all different shapes and sizes- nobody is ever left out of group pictures (unless they don't want to be in it).

It sounds like you have low self esteem. I think working on this and avoiding these 'friends' will do you the world of good.

I think you misspelled 'fiends'. They sound horrible, OP. Ditch them.

They are prioritising how they look on social media over their friendship with you and they are not worth your time. OP, it sounds like you know how to be a friend, but they have other values.

I'm going to play devils advocate here and suggest your friends are not the problem, its your confidence. Unless you know otherwise, isn't it more likely you have repeatedly said how much you hate photos and your friend was just respecting your view? If they are as shallow as you describe asking you to put on sunglasses etc then you they would have always known this about them, the only difference is you now feel different. Did they always take the piss out of heavy or plain people behind their back or avoid heavier friends in the past? I know some groups are like this, my sister briefly fell into a group like this. But I don't think they suddenly become like this overnight.

They do sound really immature obsessed with selfies at your age. If you truly believe they are disapproving of you then you absolutely have to cut back contact. Find new hobbies, put yourself out there. But honestly from reading your post you need to work on yourself a bit. IME stress and discontent lead to weight gain and then a cycle continues, the more unhappy you are with your weight the more you eat etc. You need help with this before worrying about a diet, believe me I've been there 100 times.

I'd concentrate on losing the 4 stone. It will make you feel so much better. Do calorie counting and down land my fitness pal app.

Oh OP, I really feel for you. People talk about their teenage years etc. being the worst for confidence but I found I had a huge dip at 25-27. It’s like I suddenly became so much more aware of myself and what I perceived as my ‘place’ in my friend group as the biggest one. It’s a really hard time.

You need new friends. I don’t have any friends now that do that whole social media selfie shit.

Find some uglier friends.

I agree with PP - you need new friends! This not acceptable, or even understandable unless they are selfish, image-obsessed twats. My friends are my friends, size or 'beauty' are irrelevant. We never take selfies, but even if we did, I can't imagine any of them engaging in this sort of behaviour.

I am wondering whether they know you don't like photos OP and that's partly it?

Sorry though that is hard, I'm in a slinky similar position.

Firstly I wouldn't want them as friends.
Secondly if you are unhappy with your weight, it's time to do something about it. I'm currently working on mine. I gained loads on anti depressants and I've started small, short runs, keeping at it, building it up slowly. Walking as much as I can. Cutting out sugar. I struggle with comfort eating and to be fair I'm a a bit greedy so like to eat big portions. So I'm trying to reduce portions and not each crap like frozen pizza.

I have to be careful with cal counting as I had anorexia when a teen. Also had a handful of shit friends.

Do this for you and nobody else if that's what you want, to lose the weight.

The friends can fuck off.

Some of this will be your perception.
The rest of it is that you have vacuous, shallow friends.
Time to look for some new ones.
At 27 you’re all too for old this shit. You make them sound about 14 years old.

My friends are all different shapes and sizes; different characters, different senses of humour, different interests. One thing in common; they are all kind and loving. Which is what we all, you included need x

Bin off the friends and start trying to lose the four stone . Don't cut out just cut down on the stuff that you know is bad for your weight . Find excercise that you like . I've lost half a stone by cutting down snd moving more . I've still got a long way to go.

Bin off your friends and find new ones. You'll be happier and grow in confidence.

Don't stress about losing weight. Focus on learning to like and love yourself, build your confidence and work on your character wherever it's needed. It will be easy to change anything you want to change about your body from a place of self love and self respect.

my friends love me no they don't.

My best friend in the world is far from beautiful to look at, objectively speaking. She is overweight, has crooked teeth, frizzy hair, glasses and walks with a limp but I have lots of photos of her because she is one of the best people I know and I want to remember all of the amazing times we have together.

You need new friends, ones who actually care about you, not just how you look in selfies.

Not helpful ! show some compassion