Being the ugly friend is hard

[Uglyfriend]

Name changed for this one, I'm having a really difficult Monday morning.
I just think it's so hard when you're the "ugly friend" in a circle. I'm 27 and over the last few years after suffering with an eating disorder I put on about 4 stone. I'm 13 stone now the heaviest I've ever been and that already makes me feel awful about myself.
When we go out I always make the effort, have my hair done, make up, dress nice. We are in a culture of selfies and pictures at the moment, I tend not to take many anymore because I don't like the way I look but always get in friendship photos or in selfies if I'm asked.
One of my friends this weekend made sure she had a selfie with every single person apart from me to the point she'd go in-between me and another to take one ok I get it I'm not beautiful like them. She even went as far to take a selfie photo of her, two others and myself but when she seen I was in it she took it a further 2 times before just leaving my arm in it.
I've had comments before like "put your sunglasses on" or can you take a nice picture of us so I'm obviously not in it.
I know I need to lose weight and I'll start back to it again, I haven't long come back off holiday so need to get back on the bandwagon.
I've even been scrolling through aesthetic companies today to see if I can have some work done.
My friends love me and I don't even think they know they're doing it, it's getting to the point where I don't even want to go for nights out anymore because my self confidence is so low.

I know when I don't take pictures of myself, friends and family copy me. Then when I start taking pictures of myself, they mirror me.

I had a discussion regarding this with few people and they all say, they were respecting my choice to not take pictures.

By chance are they doing this in a well meaning but done in the wrong way?

I don't like getting my photo taken either. But that's down to me. Not because some shallow unpleasant people make a point in excluding me from their photos.
Agree with pp who say start mixing with decent people who love you for who you are and not what you look like.
I also agree with pp who suggest that perhaps you should think about losing a bit of weight to help with your confidence and self esteem. But only do this if it's what YOU want to do. Not because of the behaviour of these unpleasant people or because some stranger on MN tells you to. Think about what's best for you and what will make you feel more positive about yourself.

What the actual fuck! You don't need to lose weight or have any work done, you need to put the time and effort into finding new friends.

These 'friends' really do not love you to treat you in this way. Getting rid of them will help your self esteem

If you avoid photos, are you sure they aren’t just doing it because they know you don’t enjoy having your photo taken? Why do you think they’re doing it coz you look bad?

If my mate hated photos, I wouldn’t run up and take a selfie with her.

Babe, fat isn't ugly. Nastiness is ugly. I am deformed by lipoedema and all my friends have me in their selfies. Your friends are nasty people.

Sympathies, I have always been 'the ugly friend'. I'm 50 now so the heyday of it was pre-digital, which meant at least I didn't have to see any photos until they came back from being developed.

It's better now I'm middle-aged because everyone is sagging a bit and developing lumps and bumps so I don't stand out as much as being conspicuously hideous. In fact, I'm the usually the one thinking 'Oh, that's an OK pic' because my expectations are low, whereas others are panicking because their eye-bags or jowls show too much for their liking.

It's not you, op, it's them x

Does she know you hate selfies and pictures? If not then I agree with everyone else she's not a friend!

I think if you're unhappy in yourself then it might be a good idea to talk to someone about your issues with food. Get that sorted first and then maybe look into getting out and walking. It's brilliant for you not just to lose some weight but for your mind too.

We can all hate what we look like in pics but I saw a quote the other day and it said. When you see a sunset it's beautiful but when you take a picture it doesn't capture it's full beauty. I like that quote and thought it was nice to share.

If they're treating you like this, whether it's because of the way you look or other reasons, they're not true friends. I'm in a group of six, and one of my friends is probably about 6st overweight, but I love her as a friend and would never hurt her or want her to feel felt out.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you it’s your friends! As many have said I’m only few years older than you, have a group of absolutely gorgeous friends, unfortunately I’m the small fat one that can’t do make up, but they always include me in pics, if anything they want me in more pics than I want to be in, because I’m their friend and they don’t see me in any different way to one another

Was that some ridiculous Facebook/instagram inspirational quote post? Because it’s stupid and not true. I don’t think the OP, or anyone, needs stupid “inspirational” quotes which don’t mean anything. It’s bad enough that we have to see those insipid things when we’re scrolling social media.

Wow you really have a bad attitude dont you think I'd rather see uplifting posts or quotes than listen to a bitter angry person like you

I'm struggling with my own weight but guess you like to jump on others who are trying to help and give someone a lift.

Maybe you should comment on the person who told the op to just lose weight then.

I can see why some people hate mumsnet for horrible people like you

@Steakandwine

I do a lot of research/read a lot of research following online behaviours and Canadian researchers showed that the people posting this thing, and liking those things, follow a trend of having low intelligence levels.
Even anecdotally, the people in your friends lost posting those will usually (but not always) be people of low intelligence.
They’re ridiculous, and not true (the sunset one you quoted) and therefore not relevant. They’re also just plain annoying and most people do not like them, and do not want to read them. Because they’re stupid.

Wow good for you 🤣 just to say this isn't Canada but you enjoy your research online I'm sure it shows how intelligent you are 🙄

Anyway ignoring badass 🙄😂 I hope you can talk to your friend about how this made you feel, you should enjoy your nights out and not feel like this. I do know how it feels I've put on weight and I'm trying to feel good again.
Sorry if my quote upset anyone but I sometimes like a little lift and if certain people don't like it you just don't have to look or respond to it thanks.

Look after yourself op

Id love to be 13 stone!

Well said 👋

I don't even weigh myself so I have no idea but isn't it sad us girls feel like this.

Why are you trying to lose weight with an ED history? This isn’t usually something that’s advised.

The most image conscious judgey social media loving person I’ve ever known was someone I used to work with and she told me once she loved being in photos with “ugly” people because it made her look even better. She’d seek out the ‘fattest’ or ‘wrinkliest’ person at a work do to take photos with.

If your friends are usually good kind people I’m sure it’s them picking up on your uncomfortableness having your picture taken and wanting to spare you from that.

Your 'friends' are the ugly ones.

This,

I hate photos so therefore my friends know to leave me out are you sure it's meant this way?

I hear you. I've been very overweight ( 2,3 then 4 stone) since I started having children. I have never particularly like having photos taken but I don't mind being in family / special occasion photos.
I have found the rise of the selfie culture to be utterly crass. It's superficial and narcissistic. I was on a beach yesterday and these two women were taking it in turns to pose next to a lifeguard paddle board and take photos of each other. They were posing like they were in some nuts magazine photoshoot; tits and arse thrust out, lips parted, face to the sun. When I was a young person we would have laughed our arses off at a such a vain display. Now it is perfectly commonplace. I don't think it is doing anything good for our culture. I have teen aged children now and I'm bloody delighted they aren't so stupid as to copy such pathetic, self regarding behaviour.
Lose the weight if you need to, ditch the friends and find some that aren't pretending to be love island contestants.