What would you make of this dv situation.

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I just want to know what people think of this .as I'm not sure if I have made assumptions.

Dd ex attacked her. He's out on bail no contact allowed. That was for roughly 8 weeks I think and 6 of them weeks have past .

So at first dd was very angry with him. She was slagging him off really badly. But there was also drama within social media.

When there was question about her ex seeing his son. Dd have mixed messages. She would go on about how he should see son. That it's not fair on their son he has a right to see his father. But it needs to be supervised. She told this to social services. Social services said its up to her. But also understand she does not have to let him see baby or arrange it. Dd said he should as long as its supervised. But then she said something about her ex mental health that then made social services say no don't let him see his son till he's sorted his mental health... so it's like dd set it up to say yes we will sort something for him to see his child but in the same conversation put something there so he can't see the baby.

Then she found out he's seeing someone else and she had a massive break down over it .to the point she was thinking about some bad stuff. So she was staying with me for a few days . She was spending alot of time in bed . Looking like he world was broken. On the 3rd day I took her baby on the school run with me. Dd was looking rough just laying in bed etc. Then suddenly i get a message from her saying she's meeting a mural friend in the park. She be back soon. She comes back in a much better mood looks totally human again.

Suddenly ex is never to be mentioned again she does not want to talk about him he does not exist.

Would you be suspicious

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Sounds very worrying for you. It's a possibility she's meeting him. Is she getting any other support like a DV organisation? That might be the way to go. Your loyalty has to be towards protecting those children. Act in their best interests.

How old is she? She had a baby to look after and is acting like a child. If her own mental health is not in a good place then she needs to visit her Gp. I appreciate as her parent you can't force her and you are already looking out for your grandchild but she needs to start taking responsibility for herself and her child. Is therapy something you can afford or how she could get referred? She needs to learn healthy boundaries in a relationship, ability to recognise red flags and that the most important relationship for her should be the one that she has with her child not men.

Not really looking for comments like she's acting like a child . It's of no help.

She does have some mental health issues which she gets support for.

But this post was about if I should be suspicious or am I over thinking

I forget what it's called but she has someone call her sometimes thats link with Dv I forget what it's called but I don't think dd takes much on board ( I could be wrong )

An IDVA? I would gently encourage her to do the Freedom Programme, to comply with social services, to perhaps look into trauma bonding and to maybe seek some therapy. Maybe take her out and about, get her out of the house and into the fresh air.

If she has popped off to the park and come back looking chirpy, I would be wondering about drugs. Sorry.

Do you think she met the ex and is hiding it?

Definitely not

I'm praying not. But that's my assumption. I could be wrong though. I hope I am .

I'm guessing that you are right in your suspicions. Hold fire and see how things pan out but I'm guessing that this isn't over.

It actually was a really helpful comment with some useful advice.

What do you mean "suspicious" and "over thinking"? It doesn't really sound like any of the grown ups are behaving like grown ups. There is a baby involved here whose mother is sneaking round and laying up in bed like a teenager, and you seem preoccupied with the drama of the situation rather than taking it seriously.

@Pickled21 gave good advice about seeing the GP if your daughter is currently unable to cope with her parenting responsibilities, and seeking support to set boundaries and recognise abusive behaviour.

I think so. But I still hope I'm wrong . I don't have any proof. I don't want to go guns blazing because she might completely back off and stop saying anything at all

Is the dad still actively seeking contact with his child?

Hes not done anything in the legal since if that's what you mean ?

I know he was saying I want to see my son I have a right to see him. Then that stopped.

Now its just gone quite

If she is meeting up with him she risks losing her child forever. Tell her that, it’s not a case of he is changing, he won’t do it again, he is known to SS and the police. I worked as a volunteer and met women who had endured all manner of abuse and some had lost their children in just this scenario.

Whatever you say or do though you may not be able to save her from herself sadly. Ring women’s aid for advice.
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She's meeting him without the child at present

This is what I'm thinking. And its taring me apart . She's been in a similar situation before and it went to PLO . It never got to court. But was very close . So she knows what can happen. I'm honestly mentally and emotionally fucked. 4+ years I have had this shit and I can't take anymore its fucking me up big time. I don't even know if social services would let the kids come to me or if they will be put into the system.

Do you mean she's been attacked before OP? Does she keep getting into abusive relationships? I don't know what PLO is. Have social services been involved before? How was it resolved last time?

Plo is the step before court . It basically means if you fuck up your kids will be taken. Thete was heavy involvement with social services during this time . They have only completely closed the case 4/5 months ago .

Yes she had a dv relationship roughly 4 years ago it was very fast passed but short approx 9 months. He went to prison. She had contact with him via phone. This led to the PLO. Age never had contact again. He originally got 9 months was meant to do roughly half. But he's ended up doing 4ish + years because he was breaching license agreement restraining orders etc.

She met the recent ex 4 years ago there was a very small gap. And he supporter her through all the shit that went on. Social services met him several times . And his family and felt he was a nice person .

Realistically OP what can you do? Your daughter is an adult, and no doubt fully aware that she's in danger of losing her children. She doesn't seem capable of safeguarding her children from abuse. Work with social services to keep her children safe.

I think if she is this much of a car crash then the kids are better off removed. She clearly isn’t able to keep them safe and this waster will either continue to be on the scene or she’ll replace him with another. Neither is a good outcome.

It must be very difficult to watch.

Social services will certainly consider placing the children with you or other people they know, but if they do you must be prepared for the possibility that your daughter may have to be supervised in her time with the children.

I agree with pp about the Freedom program and other work DD would benefit from.

I am sorry Op. This must be very difficult.

But I think at some point you are going to be forced to choose between your dd and your grand child. It doesn't sound like she is capable of making a good decision.

In all honesty, I think she is taking the piss put of you. She doesn't get out of bed, you loo after her child and while you are out with her child she manages to get up and go meet friends. Doesn't ask if you will have the baby? And just says she will be back later.

You dint have to answer this here, but can you honestly say she is putting her child first? Do you think she is capable of being a hood and safe parent?

When I read it, I actually wondered if she has met someone online (tinder or similar) and went and met up with them. That's why she hasn't mentioned the ex again, because she isn't bothered now she has someone else.

It could be the ex. But it could be someone entirely new and it doesn't sound like she knows how to spot horrible men.

I think I have been hoping I'm wrong and I'm being paranoid. After all I dont have Any proof.

No I'm quite sure she's not met someone else in that way .she did say the name
And it's a person I have heard of before. Apprently she's Meeting him this weekend with his girlfriend. So he's with someone anyway.

I don't really care if she's taking the piss to be honest I'm more worried about her safety , her making the right decision and the kids.