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What would you make of this dv situation.

49 replies

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 09:40

I just want to know what people think of this .as I'm not sure if I have made assumptions.

Dd ex attacked her. He's out on bail no contact allowed. That was for roughly 8 weeks I think and 6 of them weeks have past .

So at first dd was very angry with him. She was slagging him off really badly. But there was also drama within social media.

When there was question about her ex seeing his son. Dd have mixed messages. She would go on about how he should see son. That it's not fair on their son he has a right to see his father. But it needs to be supervised. She told this to social services. Social services said its up to her. But also understand she does not have to let him see baby or arrange it. Dd said he should as long as its supervised. But then she said something about her ex mental health that then made social services say no don't let him see his son till he's sorted his mental health... so it's like dd set it up to say yes we will sort something for him to see his child but in the same conversation put something there so he can't see the baby.

Then she found out he's seeing someone else and she had a massive break down over it .to the point she was thinking about some bad stuff. So she was staying with me for a few days . She was spending alot of time in bed . Looking like he world was broken. On the 3rd day I took her baby on the school run with me. Dd was looking rough just laying in bed etc. Then suddenly i get a message from her saying she's meeting a mural friend in the park. She be back soon. She comes back in a much better mood looks totally human again.

Suddenly ex is never to be mentioned again she does not want to talk about him he does not exist.

Would you be suspicious

OP posts:
ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 21/06/2024 12:47

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 12:40

No I'm quite sure she's not met someone else in that way .she did say the name
And it's a person I have heard of before. Apprently she's Meeting him this weekend with his girlfriend. So he's with someone anyway.

I don't really care if she's taking the piss to be honest I'm more worried about her safety , her making the right decision and the kids.

You don't really trust what she is saying. So I am not sure I would believe she is meeting who she says she is or wether this person is with someone or not

But, you are likely to never know.

I get that you don't care if she is taking the piss. But it might not be helping her. And you are struggling.

What happens of it all becomes too much for you. Especially with kids involved?

I am not judging, its an incredibly difficult position to be in.

saveforthat · 21/06/2024 12:50

I don't have any advice I'm afraid but just wanted to say, thank you for looking out for your daughter and grandchild. It must be so hard for you. Other posters are right in that in the end you may have to choose to put the child's welfare first as it doesn't sound like your daughter is ready to deal with the situation. So sorry you are going through this.

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 13:00

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 21/06/2024 12:47

You don't really trust what she is saying. So I am not sure I would believe she is meeting who she says she is or wether this person is with someone or not

But, you are likely to never know.

I get that you don't care if she is taking the piss. But it might not be helping her. And you are struggling.

What happens of it all becomes too much for you. Especially with kids involved?

I am not judging, its an incredibly difficult position to be in.

Sorry I'm not fully understanding. It might Just be going over my head . Me having the kids does not cause me a problem it does not make a massive difference. I don't struggle to have them. my struggle Is the thought of dd loosing her kids and it messes me up mentally/emotionally to not understand how she could risk loosing her kids

OP posts:
Funnythem · 21/06/2024 13:18

saveforthat · 21/06/2024 12:50

I don't have any advice I'm afraid but just wanted to say, thank you for looking out for your daughter and grandchild. It must be so hard for you. Other posters are right in that in the end you may have to choose to put the child's welfare first as it doesn't sound like your daughter is ready to deal with the situation. So sorry you are going through this.

Thank you 💐

OP posts:
Funnythem · 21/06/2024 16:12

Now I have Dd friend . Well ex friend at the moment.

Messaging me asking if dd has been slagging of her kids. And that she has all the evidence she needs to get dd kids taken into care . And that dd can slag her off all she wants. But not her kids.

If its the same evidence she sent me. Then she does not have evidence.

I have never ever known dd to slag of anyones kids at all. They are all little kids so it would be a bit odd.

I really don't want this shit . Shall I just block her ? I don't know if that will anger her more .

Shall I tell dd or keep out of it. I know dd will dramatise it more than it needs to be .

OP posts:
LunaMay · 21/06/2024 16:41

Seems you perhaps don't know your DD as well as you think at the moment.

She sounds pretty immature.

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 16:43

LunaMay · 21/06/2024 16:41

Seems you perhaps don't know your DD as well as you think at the moment.

She sounds pretty immature.

Not helpful

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 21/06/2024 16:50

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 16:12

Now I have Dd friend . Well ex friend at the moment.

Messaging me asking if dd has been slagging of her kids. And that she has all the evidence she needs to get dd kids taken into care . And that dd can slag her off all she wants. But not her kids.

If its the same evidence she sent me. Then she does not have evidence.

I have never ever known dd to slag of anyones kids at all. They are all little kids so it would be a bit odd.

I really don't want this shit . Shall I just block her ? I don't know if that will anger her more .

Shall I tell dd or keep out of it. I know dd will dramatise it more than it needs to be .

Yes block her.

LunaMay · 21/06/2024 16:53

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 16:43

Not helpful

Sorry, you just don't seem to be open to the thought of her not coming across well here. Based off of the information you have given yourself. I get it though, hard when it's your own daughter.

Brightandbubly · 21/06/2024 16:56

your DD sounds like she has and maybe still is making v poor choices in her relationships, I think she could benefit from support/ counselling etc and the number one priority needs to be about her child’s safety whatever that means

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 21/06/2024 17:00

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 13:00

Sorry I'm not fully understanding. It might Just be going over my head . Me having the kids does not cause me a problem it does not make a massive difference. I don't struggle to have them. my struggle Is the thought of dd loosing her kids and it messes me up mentally/emotionally to not understand how she could risk loosing her kids

I am not saying you having the kids is the issue.

But you are saying you are struggling with it all. U too ou are looking after her child while she ups and goes out. You are then worrying more about her.

Her taking the piss out of you isn’t helping her and it’s contributing to how low you feel. Coming and going as she fancies while you have her child and worry sick about her, isn’t ok.

And if you get to a point you can’t cope anymore what happens?

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 17:10

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 21/06/2024 17:00

I am not saying you having the kids is the issue.

But you are saying you are struggling with it all. U too ou are looking after her child while she ups and goes out. You are then worrying more about her.

Her taking the piss out of you isn’t helping her and it’s contributing to how low you feel. Coming and going as she fancies while you have her child and worry sick about her, isn’t ok.

And if you get to a point you can’t cope anymore what happens?

I think maybe there's Been a misunderstanding. Yes I think she possibly took the piss played on things a bit. But I can't change that now its been done. Once I knew she was well enough to meet out I gave the kids back .

Supporting dd also means I'm supporting the kids so that means I know they are ok.

Yes I'm worried sick about this situation. I won't get to the point where I can't cope. That won't happen. I have my own kids to look after so I simply can't go there. There moght be times I say I can't take any more I have had enough etc. But then I have to pick myself up very quickly and carry on. Been though so much that I know i am a strong person.

Also you said about dd coming and going. I'm not sure if you think she lives with me. Just to confirm she does not .

OP posts:
Funnythem · 21/06/2024 17:16

cupcaske123 · 21/06/2024 16:50

Yes block her.

I think I might need to tell dd because she's threatening to go to her house?

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 21/06/2024 17:19

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 17:16

I think I might need to tell dd because she's threatening to go to her house?

If she's threatening your daughter, then yes you need to inform your daughter and contact the police. Your daughter's life sounds very chaotic.

AffIt · 21/06/2024 17:39

Honestly, your daughter's life sounds very chaotic and that she is incapable of making good choices.

While I think it is very worthy that you're trying to support her, ultimately it is your grandchild (grandchildren? It's not clear) who will be damaged.

I think you should welcome help from SS at this point, because it all sounds incredibly difficult.

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 17:42

cupcaske123 · 21/06/2024 17:19

If she's threatening your daughter, then yes you need to inform your daughter and contact the police. Your daughter's life sounds very chaotic.

I just told her . To be honest I do believe dd in this case. I have never ever heard her slag of children.

Dd does have bipolar I don't know if this has an effect on how she manages things etc. She's only recently Bern medicated it takes around a month to take effect its been 2 weeks I think. I'm going to look up about bipolar incase there is a link

OP posts:
Choochoo21 · 21/06/2024 17:51

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds awful.

Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do as she is an adult.
Just carry on providing a safe space for her and her kids and hope that she makes the right decisions.

Ultimately, if she is unable to take care of her kids and they’re being affected, then them going into care may be the best thing for them.

I would reply to the friend and say what you’ve said on here about you not knowing anything about it and that you don’t think DD would slag off little kids but you don’t want to be involved in their drama as it’s between them two.
I wouldn’t block but I would ignore after that.

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 18:05

Choochoo21 · 21/06/2024 17:51

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds awful.

Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do as she is an adult.
Just carry on providing a safe space for her and her kids and hope that she makes the right decisions.

Ultimately, if she is unable to take care of her kids and they’re being affected, then them going into care may be the best thing for them.

I would reply to the friend and say what you’ve said on here about you not knowing anything about it and that you don’t think DD would slag off little kids but you don’t want to be involved in their drama as it’s between them two.
I wouldn’t block but I would ignore after that.

Thank you . Yes i just spoke to dd . I did basically say what I Said on here. Then the friend replied to me . Well its either your Dd or 'c' which means she does not know that dd has said anything, otherwise she would not need to name the 2nd person. Anyway its getting a bit teenage she said this she said that BS. I was just worried because she said about coming to her door and she has stuff to show social services. Which she does not. I think it just scared me a bit because of the stresses that are going on . But I don't want to be in the middle of childish BS . I'm only concerned about Gs .

OP posts:
Choochoo21 · 21/06/2024 18:48

It sounds very stressful OP and I hope your DD can sort herself out soon and stay away from these people who are no good for her.

cupcaske123 · 21/06/2024 18:56

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 17:42

I just told her . To be honest I do believe dd in this case. I have never ever heard her slag of children.

Dd does have bipolar I don't know if this has an effect on how she manages things etc. She's only recently Bern medicated it takes around a month to take effect its been 2 weeks I think. I'm going to look up about bipolar incase there is a link

I think an understanding of bipolar would be very helpful.
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/bipolar-disorder/overview/

Perhaps consider some support for yourself. It sounds very stressful.

nhs.uk

Overview - Bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder, previously known as manic depression, is a condition that affects your moods, which can swing from one extreme to another.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/bipolar-disorder/overview

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 19:02

cupcaske123 · 21/06/2024 18:56

I think an understanding of bipolar would be very helpful.
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/bipolar-disorder/overview/

Perhaps consider some support for yourself. It sounds very stressful.

Thank you . I found this as well . Its just a little something but explains what i thought may be the case. I will have a proper look later . And the link you sent to. Thank you.

What would you make of this dv situation.
OP posts:
AGlinnerOfHope · 21/06/2024 19:07

Bless you, OP. I’m a stranger but it sounds as though you have the skills and determination you need to keep your DGC safe.

Tune out the friend, she’s irrelevant. Just focus on your DD and the dc.

Remind her that she could lose her children. Remind her you will need to keep the DC safe. Remind her she needs to hang in there making sensible decisions for a little longer while the meds kick in.

oakleaffy · 21/06/2024 19:11

I had a friend who went out with a violent man (Hebeat her badly several times.

She went back with him every damn time- even after YEARS apart.

She’s still with him as far as I know.

She said she loved him.

Also she’d go into a decline if he had a new girlfriend.

Girls can and do lose children over this- they put their addiction to a Scrote above all else- even their own child/ ren.

It’s very bad how some women can be like this.

I can’t understand it- Being beaten up hurts.

Funnythem · 21/06/2024 19:12

AGlinnerOfHope · 21/06/2024 19:07

Bless you, OP. I’m a stranger but it sounds as though you have the skills and determination you need to keep your DGC safe.

Tune out the friend, she’s irrelevant. Just focus on your DD and the dc.

Remind her that she could lose her children. Remind her you will need to keep the DC safe. Remind her she needs to hang in there making sensible decisions for a little longer while the meds kick in.

Thank you . Bullet points are helpful. Thank you.

OP posts:
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