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Original poster

Why is so hard to be socially accepted if you don't drink.

38 replies

Mumandkids · 19/06/2024 13:10

Hi I'm a mum of two in my late 30s.I haven't been drinking for a while now but I find it hard to be accepted socially if I don't have a drink in my hand.People think I have an illness or something.Don't get me wrong I was heavily drinking/clubbing in my 20s.But older I get the more I'm realising that alcohol does nothing for me.I never go out of my way to get it after work etc.I'm more than happy to drink alcohol free stuff.I don't even drink on my own.My dad is an alcoholic and that might be one of the reasons I don't drink.Hangovers are not the same and I like the fact I can get in the car and drive home when I want.Any thoughts welcome.

OP posts:
KobraChick · 19/06/2024 13:46

Mumandkids · 19/06/2024 13:10

Hi I'm a mum of two in my late 30s.I haven't been drinking for a while now but I find it hard to be accepted socially if I don't have a drink in my hand.People think I have an illness or something.Don't get me wrong I was heavily drinking/clubbing in my 20s.But older I get the more I'm realising that alcohol does nothing for me.I never go out of my way to get it after work etc.I'm more than happy to drink alcohol free stuff.I don't even drink on my own.My dad is an alcoholic and that might be one of the reasons I don't drink.Hangovers are not the same and I like the fact I can get in the car and drive home when I want.Any thoughts welcome.

I agree it's so hard I don't really drink now if I do I enjoy 1 or 2 and that's it.But being around people who drink a lot is hard as they assume your not having fun if you are not getting drunk.Ive had it loads where people keep pointing out I'm not drinking enough or drinking too slow ,not keeping up etc.Its hard but you just have to try ignore people's comments and remember, you have the last laugh getting home ,not having to wait for taxis or transport and feel fresh as daisy the next day.😜

Mercedeslense · 19/06/2024 22:05

Yes I'm the same op, my social life took a dive when I gave up drinking. Think it's because you don't have the buzz the others drinking have so you feel a bit removed from the evening. I gave up going out with people who were drinking for that reason. Loved drinking too much so had to give it up before it became a problem for me!! Since then I've found a faith and socialise with people who are also not drinking we go out for food instead....

Comedycook · 19/06/2024 22:09

You sound exactly like me! My dad was an alcoholic. I can't be bothered with drinking... expensive and makes me feel like crap. It's a lose lose situation. But yes in the UK if you don't drink I think it's makes socialising a lot harder.

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Triskeline · 19/06/2024 22:33

You're hanging out with the wrong people. Is your social life very pub-focused? I don't think I'd had an alcoholic drink in several months until a couple of weeks ago (not for any particular reason, just not feeling it) , but I don't think anyone noticed, and I'm a reasonably social person who goes out a lot.

TooLateForRoses · 19/06/2024 22:35

Triskeline · 19/06/2024 22:33

You're hanging out with the wrong people. Is your social life very pub-focused? I don't think I'd had an alcoholic drink in several months until a couple of weeks ago (not for any particular reason, just not feeling it) , but I don't think anyone noticed, and I'm a reasonably social person who goes out a lot.

Yeah I don't drink and its never been an issue you just have to find the right spot for you OP

NewName24 · 19/06/2024 22:49

but I find it hard to be accepted socially if I don't have a drink in my hand.People think I have an illness or something.

I suggest you mix with different people.
That isn't the case when I'm not drinking, or when anyone I socialise with isn't drinking.

SpringerFall · 19/06/2024 22:52

I drink sometimes and not other times, I get what you are saying but I would not want to be social with people who think I or anyone else HAS to drink

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 19/06/2024 23:02

I just go to the bar and get myself a Diet Coke and don't involve myself in rounds, hold up my half full glass and say I'm alright if anyone asks if I want a drink, people rarely ask what's in the glass they just make whatever assumption they like.

BigFatLiar · 19/06/2024 23:03

OH doesn't drink now (medical issues) hasn't made any difference. He's happy with a soft drink and isn't embarrassed to ask for a pot of tea in the pub.

As far as I'm concerned it's fine, I have a permanent designated driver.

Fifthtimelucky · 20/06/2024 00:12

I gave up drinking alcohol over 40 years ago. It's never been a problem!

lifesrichpageant · 20/06/2024 00:15

It tends to get easier as you get older. I suspect some of your friends and colleagues will stop drinking as well.

Pallisers · 20/06/2024 00:19

Is this really true? That's kind of sad. DH has never drunk alcohol - just a choice. He socialises just fine (and I think has the edge in business socialising). I was at a big party last weekend and didn't drink. No one commented or cared - but I am in the US and most people I socialise with don't drink that much or at all. If you go out for dinner with friends it will be a cocktail and maybe a glass of wine but that is it at the most.

AnnieSnap · 20/06/2024 00:20

Many drinkers drink too much and tell themselves that drinking during social occasions is essential. Most know they drink too much and find the validation they get from other drinkers pleasant and reassuring. Someone out and choosing not to drink is like holding a mirror up in front of them. It makes them feel defensive, so they find it ‘unacceptable’.

Icanflyhigh · 20/06/2024 00:21

DH is teetotal and has been for as long as I've known him. He socialises just fine and I've always got a lift home!!

Ohfuckwhatdoidonow · 20/06/2024 00:28

I think it comes down to the company. I don't actually have many people in my circle who drink enough to give it a second thought if someone doesn't drink alcohol.

On the occasion someone might bring up why I don't drink, I tend to answer something along the lines of "we all have our vices, mines chocolate!" Or "I'm such a lightweight, by the time I've had one drink I start singing, no one wants that!"

If I'm being more honest, addiction runs rampant through my family, and I'm at my happiest with a drink in hand, but a drink slips so easily into my life that I know to keep a distance from it...

Alwaysgothiccups · 20/06/2024 00:43

I don't find that really..
Had 3 children and obviously didn't drink throughout the pregnancies or for the first months of breastfeeding.. and then only a small amount (one beer say) for the next year of breastfeeding...
So basically sober for a good six years...
And I still have the same social life
Some of my friends drink more than I do but I've never really minded being around drunk people..
I mean some are annoying but not my friends.. to me anyway!! I find them funny.
And we also do alot of other things together, swimming, hiking, travelling, camping
I don't mind if other people drink
No one has ever commented on me not drinking that much

MsMarple · 20/06/2024 00:51

I’d much rather drink 0% beer, get home easily, and wake up without a hangover or regrets!

Most of my friends (late 40s) do drink alcohol while we are out - admittedly not as much as we used to - but no-one has ever been funny about me not drinking.

InWalksBarberalla · 20/06/2024 06:04

I'm finding these days people drink a lot less and there is less pressure to drink.
I'm noticing at work nights out many people drinking 0% beer - across all age groups - when these nights used to be pretty boozy.

newnamethanks · 20/06/2024 06:46

Its a benefit OP, you just need to find new people to socialise with. As you have no doubt noticed, if you don't drink, hanging out with people who have been drinking is no fun, they tend to be loud and boring. New friends.

Ladyj84 · 20/06/2024 07:07

Not had a problem, go out weekends local pubs with friends, they all know I don't drink alcohol and automatically get me soft drinks and nobody says anything and neither do I feel odd. I've even been known to drink coffee to and nobody cares lol

Abitorangelooking · 20/06/2024 07:10

If it’s any consolation hardly anyone drinks now we are in our 40s. Peri menopause has sucked the fun out. I just drink fancy tonic in
pubs

TheStateOfTheArt · 20/06/2024 07:13

Abitorangelooking · 20/06/2024 07:10

If it’s any consolation hardly anyone drinks now we are in our 40s. Peri menopause has sucked the fun out. I just drink fancy tonic in
pubs

Yeah me too. Crippling anxiety for days even if I only have a couple of drinks. Totally not worth it.

knockyknees · 22/06/2024 23:27

I don't drink, and it's never been a problem. Why would it be?

I have no idea who has alcoholic vs non-alcoholic drinks when I go out, as why would that be at all relevant or interesting? (Other than making sure that no one drinks and drives).

I don't live in the UK though, where there is a very obvious major alcohol problem.

WhyamInotvomiting · 22/06/2024 23:31

Aw OP. Sorry to hear that. Loads of people in my social circles either are tee total, or rarely drink, or only have 1-2 drinks when out. It's not unusual at all. I'm going out for dinner with some of my 'mum friends' soon and I'm pregnant so won't be drinking, otherwise I do usually, but not heavily. One lady is teetotal, another few may or may not be drinking depending on whether they fancied it or not/tired and want to be able to drive home etc, another few I'm sure will drink quite a few. Just to illustrate it's not the case everywhere that not drinking is an issue!

Mammaamiaa · 22/06/2024 23:44

With so many people pill popping to treat whatever trendy illness is currently being pushed by the press, just tell your friends you're on antidepressants, and that if you drink on top of them, your friends will be carrying you home. If they're still trying to push booze on you after that, either have a few drinks and fake passing out, or find new friends.