How much board do charge your adult full time working DC?

[JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam]

Just that really. And how did you come to that figure? I know a lot is dependent on circumstances and how much they earn but I often wonder if I’m undercharging DD.

She works full time in a job paying just over NMW. She pays £50 a week which is the amount we lost from CB and tax credits when she left education. We are a low income family and we don’t struggle but we still pay for a lot of her toiletries, 90% of her food and we seem to keep locking heads with her over how much of her dinner she eats (not a lot) and we end up chucking good food away.

No doubt there will be many people here saying that they’d never charge their DCs rent. I’m not in that position.
We discussed finances in depth when DS started working full time, I’d previously been receiving tax credits while he was in education.
He had no plan to leave home and would be highly unlikely to be in a position to get on the property ladder (I’m in a HA property).
Consequently we agreed that the shared running costs of the house were split between us, and then we paid our own phones, car etc. When DP moved in we did the same, now splitting the communal costs 3 ways. None of us are on high incomes but they both earn more than I do.
DS works in the fitness industry and his current and expensive high protein diet means that he buys his own food!

I was bringing home £1,000 (after tax and NI) working a full time job and was paying £50 per week by the amount of Fridays in a month - so £200/£250 per month
^ this was 10 years ago though ......

I bought all my own toiletries though & always said if I wasn't having dinner that night - can you not save the dinner she doesn't eat and freeze it? Or just dish her up smaller portions and freeze if there is anything leftover after that?

90% of her food and we seem to keep locking heads with her over how much of her dinner she eats (not a lot) and we end up chucking good food away.

I don't understand this. Why are you throwing food away? Is she not just taking the amount she wants to eat or are you plating up her food?

I moved out four years ago (bought a house of my own). I was on £30K at the time (£1,900 ish a month?) and paid £500. Anything less would have been taking the piss tbh - I even offered more, but they said no.

We plate up everybody’s, it’s very rare we do a self serve dinner. But we can do gammon egg and chips and she’ll have 2/3 bites of the gammon and then leave the rest. We’re buying 3 x packs of gammon (there are 6 of us) and once cooked and covered in egg there’s not a lot you can do with it other than chuck it. Same with a roast covered in gravy.

We have been asking her if she wants dinner and she always says yes.

She's a grown woman. She can get her own food. It's absolutely baffling that you're upset about the food she's wasting when you're the cause of it. Let her get her own portions. Problem solved.

But we’ll still cook the same amount…whether she puts it on her plate or we do. So still the same level of wastage.

Are self serve dinners really a thing? We were always plated up for-even when I went home as an adult my dinner was plated for me.

We did try to tell her to cook for herself at one point but that went badly, she ate nothing but super noodles, gained about 2 stone and developed anaemia for which she had to take 6 months worth of iron tablets!

I think you have two separate issues here.

1. It doesn't matter how much she is paying - the food situation has to change. No one should be wasting that much food. Try different things and see what works for you. Try the self serve. What have you got to lose. Or cook and plate up a small amount for her but have healthy options for her to snack on after of she is still high get.
2. If she isn't paying enough for your household it needs to increase. Or come to an agreement that if she wants expensive toiletries she has to pay extra or some other way to make it more flexible.

First of all, why are you covering all the gammon with egg and the roast with gravy and then just throwing it away? You don't even leftovers? That's madness. Secondly, of course self-seve is a thing. An adult can plate up for themselves and you always having your food plated for you by your parents, even as adult, is definitely weird. Thirdly, you are infantalising your daughter. She needs to learn how to feed herself and keep herself healthy. She has to be allowed to grow up, not have mummy micromanaging every aspect of her life, even the most basic thing like eating.

Family service is what it's traditionally called when you serve yourself from serving plates in the centre of the table. Helps kids (and adults) self regulate their food intake.

Never plated up.
Only get that in some restaurants.
People help themselves when not children.. family or friends.
It's always been a thing.
How would l know how many chips/ roast potatoes / carrots etc anyone wants. It's just manners.
She should also buy her own toiletiers.

DS is on minimum wage, full time. Take home is about £1500 I think?

He pays me £100pm +£60 council tax.

He eats out of the food I buy for the household about 60% of the time. He mostly preps that himself. The other 40% he doesn't eat or gets takeaway.

He uses the household toiletries too.

He lives with me 2 weeks in 4, his dad 2 weeks in 4. I think he pays his dad £150pm too, but I haven't asked.

He's putting a good chunk of his wages away every month towards a house deposit.

We don't charge our adult son anything - but we can easily afford this. He has just bought a house, and is doing it up before he moves in. He saved really hard while living with us for a deposit, had he not been really sensible with his money we would have charged him rent.

He picks up odd ingredients if he's the one nearest a shop and I ask on the family chat. He buys stuff if needed for the meals he cooks for us, and his own toiletries, phone, travel, clothes etc.

But that's us, and our situation. Perfectly reasonable for you to charge.

I think £200 per month from a NMW job could be about right, OP.

You could encourage her to buy her one toiletries though.

In terms of food - as others say, some meals can be served family-style - certainly roasts etc, veg and spuds can be put in bowls for everyone to help themselves.

In terms of gammon and egg - cook hers and half it. If she wants the second half, great. If not, you've got some gammon for the freezer to put in a pasta sauce or stir fry.

I’m trying not to get upset by your tone but you do seem to be a little annoyed. I’ll try my best to explain. She has two parents who have only ever had dinner served plated up, there is no expectation to finish what’s on the plate in the sense of we have never “force fed” the children. However she’s eating very little of her dinner and then down raiding the kitchen an hour later for snacks.

We don’t have a big enough living space to have a family table so unfortunately dinners are eaten on laps (adults) or tiny space save table(kids). To expand on this point further we live in a relatively new build house with a tiny kitchen - so can’t spread the food out in there. There was a dining room but this is now a bedroom (and even if it was still a dining room it’s not big enough for a six seater table).

We are a dinner ready for when we get home from work kind of family, my DH does the vast majority of the cooking as DD and I return home from work an hour later than DH.

As for the micromanaging, I can categorically say we do not do this, we have offered her every choice from cooking for herself, us cooking for her, a mix of both (as in she was to tell us if she wanted tea that night) and it always boils down to she wants us to cook for her but then she doesn’t eat it. Her diet is limited but she has enough of a repertoire to eat a balanced diet, and she has the skills to cook too.

Just to add because I realise I haven’t mentioned it DD is 19 (20 later this year).

My son works part time. He has autism and mental health issues and struggles to manage his money so I keep hold of his card and dish out the cash. He earns about 900-1000pm and he pays £225 rent but that includes his prescriptions and Spotify. He pays for his own food, phone bill, and toiletries etc.

I don't have kids but I do live with my mum! I try and give her about £100 a week plus I buy all my own food and toiletries and cook for her, take her to appointments, help with stuff online etc. And of course do own cleaning, kitchen, gardening, laundry etc.
I'm on ESA and PIP so it's not much, but it's enough for us to get by as she has her own pensions, plus my dad's (he died when I was a child) and I'm so grateful for her for letting me live here. I'm in my 40s btw, not a young un.

My DD20 pays £50 a week. That was to cover her food /Toiletries / bills / board. Take home pay around £1600.

Been with her BF a few years, his take home pay is over 2k.
Hes now moved in while they save for house deposit, he now pays £50 per week too. But this no longer covers their food as was too expensive. Does cover things that I have to buy anyway, so milk, bread, sugar, teabags, toilet roll, laundry capsules, cleaning supplies.
We would struggle if they didn't pay board, especially as we lose money for them being here.
Both work from home now (recent development) so are home all day so also wondering whether I should up board a little to help with the extras being used 🤔

I've never charged mine anything. The mortgage is the same whether they live here or not. They paid for their own phones,cars,toiletries,clothes and any particular food they wanted, etc.
I'd rather they used their money to save for their own place. It worked ok for us.

I always had my food plated up as a child and now do the same. It's perfectly normal to have food plated up.

I think the amount you are charging (which seems low) is a separate issue to the food wasting thing which I would not tolerate.

presumably it’s not gammon egg and chips every night. I’d either say “you can make your own food from now on as you barely eat what we make you”, make her half the amount every night or as you are plating up say “so dd exactly how much do you want”
and put the rest in the fridge/freezer for later.

Food gets plated up here. Otherwise my greedy kids would pile it all on.

I charged my dd1 £100 a month when she was on an apprenticeship of £800 a month.

My DS, 18, has just left school and will be paying £400pcm. Can't afford for him to pay any less

No it’s not gammon every night 😆. But we often do carbonara, curry, bolognaise, zinger burgers, roast dinner, sausage and mash. So relatively simple meals because we are a working household. Carbonara is done with if it’s wasted…as is a half eaten zinger burger. Sausage and mash I guess could be refrozen and the curry and bolognaise certainly could so I’ll be more mindful of that.

We have talked to her about food waste but it doesn’t seem to be sinking in.