I have no idea what to ask DH for, for my 40th.

[FourTea]

Big birthday, biggish budget but

• Don't want to go anywhere, holiday, weekend away etc
• Don't wear/ have any interest in jewellery
• No interest in bags, make up, perfume, shoes.
• Don't enjoy meals out.

I don't want money as I will just end up spending it on the kids.

I really, honestly can't think of what to ask for!

I don't think OP has been jumped on at all, and i acknowledged her social anxiety.

OP you haven't engaged with any of the suggestions at all so it's hard to know. Do you have no hobbies at all, what do you do in your free time? Being on disability in a council house I well understand, is there anything that would make your life easier? I'd like proper screw in the wall handles for the front door and a fence panel replacing. Not exactly joy inspiring to some but I would get pleasure from seeing them.

You must eat, a luxury version of something like tea or coffee? Or if you're set in my ways like me and won't change your favourites, to make it a "proper" gift you cld ask for a years supply?

Also it would help to know the budget range as PP said. I'd also like a bath lift (which is about £400 cheapest tho!)

I could see how your tone could be interpreted as a little bit hectoring, especially when towards someone with social anxiety.

You have literally said there’s nothing you want, need, or fancy, have ruled out whole categories of tech, books, jewellery, clothes, bags, shoes, cosmetics, a trip/holiday or weekend away, courses, or being taken out for a meal, as things you aren’t interested in or can’t do — and now you’re snapping at someone for suggesting you should just say ‘no present’?

Just had a big birthday and like you couldn't think of anything.

Two weeks ago realised I really wanted one of these! Wish I'd thought of it for my birthday!

https://uk.walkingpad.com/products/walkingpad-c1-lightest-foldable-walking-treadmill-3-72mph-220-lbs?_pos=1&_sid=67360dbb7&_ss=r&variant=45978137854254&_gl=1jm1ai6_up*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4MSzBhC8ARIsAPFOuyWWjGUJpAC_t2wVLJTBkLxRVD2r0w9CPMMLZI191_U6uz96gbig2LQaAiGoEALw_wcB

Yes! Why on earth do you want a present just for the sake of getting a present? It seems bonkers to me. If there's nothing you want, why have anything? You would be basically choosing a thing that you didn't want the least!

You're right about Mumsnet being an odd place!

I think we could give you better ideas if we knew what you like OP - for example for my 40th my DP paid for my shotgun certificate! It maybe something niche! If you love your pets, maybe commission a nice portrait?

I've recently had a 40th, my main present was a thermomix. I am a very keen/skilled cook, so use it for many many things, but having been on a lot of the Facebook groups I hadn't realised how much people who aren't so good at cooking rely on it for regular family meals. It is so bloody versatile. I'm forever whipping up healthy muffins for kids lunchboxes, a quick dessert cake, bread, custard, hollandaise, pate, soup etc, and you can do so much more. Step by step guided recipes for entire meals that it weighs and cooks, or you can use it self guided. Bloody time saving game changer, and as good for a non cook as a keen cook. I am NOT a consultant or in any way affiliated with thermomix by the way!

Text is weird isn't it as @BitterSweetSympathy I genuinely can't see any hectoring at all in my tone? I've engaged and shown empathy with a similar situation and made what I thought could be suggestions is it the length of my text?

It's a fact OP hasn't really engaged with any of the suggestions people have taken time to make, which would make more tailored suggestions useful, if you see what I mean?

What do you actually like doing OP?

Maybe you could use the money to try out a load of new hobbies or skills?

If you love pets, what about something for them (I know that sounds stupid but it would still be a present for you to get pleasure from seeing them happy) like a really nice or upgraded hutch/run/really good cat tree or dog/cat bed, or just a year supply of treats for them? Or one of those cameras so you could see what they're doing when they are doing when you're out of the room?

Various slightly different prezzies I have had from DH in the past (nb. I was consulted first!)

Metal dectector
Air rifle
One-armed bandit
Balloon ride
Visit to Alton Towers (that didn't go too well, much to my disgust I felt too sick after the first three rides to do the really exciting ones any more).

Me to DH - taster flying lesson, visit to the Aerospace museum at Filton, Satnav for walking, dashcam.

How about a hot tub for the garden? I'd love one but DH thinks we wouldn't use it enough.

Frequent direct questions can come across as a bit adversarial. Like it’s an interrogation rather than a supportive conversation.

It can make it seem like you are asking the other person to justify themselves, which can be invalidating.

A course of EMDR to try and improve your anxiety. It must be hard not even to be able to go out for lunch.

It's £70 a session round here privately

For my 40th (and then 50th!) I asked for vouchers for the affordable art fair (it's in Battersea park annually)
I asked everyone who wanted to get me a gift (I was already self sufficient in candles!) and now I have 2 beautiful original pictures that I get huge pleasure from.

If you're not near London, perhaps art vouchers from a local gallery?

Frequent direct questions can come across as a bit adversarial. Like it’s an interrogation rather than a supportive conversation.
*
It can make it seem like you are asking the other person to justify themselves, which can be invalidating.*

BitterSweetSympathy but my questions are suggestions. These require a question mark, in my eyes. OP has started a thread asking for suggestions. Some people have asked follow up questions because OP has been quite vague in her responses so people don't have much to go.

Calling it invalidating and similar to an interrogation is quite a reach in my view! People are trying to help.

You asked a question “I genuinely can't see any hectoring at all in my tone?”. I answered, genuinely.

It is entirely up to you whether or not to take that on board.

Fair enough, I don't to derail the thread further - hopefully one of the suggestions will be useful to OP

Just ask for the cash. That way you can buy things for yourself as & when you see them.

If i didn't like 'stuff' then I'd go for something edible like a nice tea caddy with a range of different tea bags. A nice tea pot with matching cups. Special coffee. A beautiful homemade style cake. A matching underwear set. New socks but good ones. A glasses case and glasses cleaning set. A new purse. Nice pyjamas. A new bedding set. A throw for the sofa. A lovely pen to keep in my handbag. A box of my favourite chocolates. I do find it hard to believe that some people really can't think of OR want anything. I'm always wanting new things. At the moment my wishlist is pajamas x 2, boots, trainers, a winter coat, jeans. I can't afford any of them. 🙁

Just to add. I need these things. So it's not me being greedy.

If you don't want anything ask for nothing (as opposed to not asking for anything).

I don't understand why people feel the need to have something when they don't want something. But it's probably a bit like eating cake when you're not hungry. I realise I'm lucky in that my family don't feel they have to buy me something just because it's Xmas/mother's day/birthday.

What about:

Nice hair or bath products. Surely you wash your hair and shower? :D

Subscription to a service you enjoy. Could be food related or some kind of streaming service

A hired cleaner / nanny / private chef for a day

Solid gold jewellery for investment purposes

Luxurious loungewear

A good shiatsu foot massaging device, or some type of other shiatsu massage device

Cashmere winter accessories (scarf, hat, gloves)

If you enjoy cooking, some nice new kitchen crockery?

High quality bluetooth portable speakers

A polaroid camera if you enjoy taking photos, and enjoy keep-sakes

A new smartphone

My mum bought me an electric toothbrush one Christmas. I loved it maybe that?