I can't handle thinking

[Metanium]

I'm a teacher and have had a very, very, very stressful year. The main stressor involved a prolonged and very delicate situation which has required me to step up in a certain way that i have found very difficult. It won't be an issue in September so is nearly over. I also have kids of my own.

A big part of my stress response this year has been an inability to think. I can manage to use my brain in work to get the job done, but outside of work, it's just painful to do anything which takes much cognitive prowess. I don't mean brainfog; it's not hazy thinking. It feels like complete overwhelm, so when my children ask me lots of questions or someone sends me a form that I need to fill in, I cannot compute. I either go blank, want to cry or just want to put my head in my hands or run awat. I feel like I need to crawl up on the floor and close my ears and breathe deeply. I tried to explain this to my husband and he says he has never had this problem before (he is super focused and efficient). People asking me about dates or schedules makes me feel like I have to get out of the room.

The summer holidays are coming up soon and I the stressful issue won't be an issue anymore. I know this is stress response but I just need someone to say they understand and to know I'm not alone.

Today my 7 year old asked me so many questions, which I did my best to play along with and answer with a smile and act normally, but inside I was crying 'please stop!'. My 10 year is also so curious and inquisitive and is always asking millions of questions, some of which are pretty hypothetical and difficult to answer. Again, I try to answer as happily as I can muster. Dh answers these questions without issue.

This morning I had to complete something for work using a computer system that wouldnt work and I was just about holding it together, and it felt like when I used to pull all nighters at uni (eg, not thinking straight by 2am). Then my kids were asking questions and wanting to chat all day. I did my very best to be present and involved but afterwards I went and lay down and just closed my eyes and just listened to the silence but had a panicked feeling someone would call my name and felt like i couldnt relax. They didnt, my dh knew i was struggling and kept them occupied while I rested.

I cannot handle things like planning what to cook for dinner, and I used to be able to whip up a feast using 3 ingredients at the bottom of the fridge in 15 minutes. Dh has taken over the cooking as well as school administration for our kids, lunches, homework, clubs etc. I just can't. There have been other issues which I've been trying to get on top of. Dh takes care of lots of the real brain breaky stuff that I cannot cope with (all the life administration stuff, groceries, beurocracy, banks, renewal, tax etc).

Other than this, I'm fine. I don't feel depressed or down, just like I cannot think without feeling like screaming. Can anyone relate? I just want to sit in total silence and not talk to anyone. I don't want to use my brain at all. I don't feel like I'm neurodiverse but I am early 40s and my periods are getting a bit unpredictable.

I spent the day with a friend yesterday, kid free and I don't feel any better for it. I spent the whole time thinking about what I needed to do when I got home (not much, as it turned out).

Everyone on here is going to suggest peri-menopause.

Sorry you're going through it, it sounds really difficult.

Is that what you think it is?

It could well be, or it could be that you’re near breaking point stress wise.

I was going to suggest peri menopause purely because it sounds like week 39 baby brain.

Just stand with mouth open and stare blankly.

It could well be the stress that's caused it, although when I've been under extreme stress my brain won't blummin shut up. Ideas for dinner - rerun the last 5 years of Saturday Kitchen in 10 minutes, scream and head to Just Eat, don't eat, go to bed and cry.

It's a stress response I would say. I have a similar profile to you, but also an unpleasant ExH unfortunately and at work I can whizz through stuff, sort other people out, support and achieve highly. Then at home I want to lie in a dark room for the rest of the day.

I don't have an answer- but you know this situation is short lived, head down, retreat to bed as required and do all the 'self-care' things which work for you. Let you DH take up the slack for now and then in the summer holidays you can check whether it was a stress response or whether perimenopause is the culprit. Take care!

Yes because I really relate to it 😅 I'm 43, don't have periods because of Mirena coil but as I've got older I've got a lot less tolerant and feel like my brain is empty sometimes 🙃

I relate to every single thing you say op. Small jobs like watering the plants are getting ignored for weeks because I just can't seem to do it. Ditto, diy tasks, gardening, clearing out cupboards, organising, etc. If someone gives me a task to do I feel like crying. It took me 3 weeks to fill out a questionnaire for the school, it's like my mind just said nope, not doing it. Questions from the dc feel like mini baseball bats to the head. I just want to sit and scroll on my phone and be left the fuck alone.

In my case its complete overwhelm. I'm a single parent to 2 dc, one with sen. Work full time, study, run the house, garden, car, life admin, doctors, dentists, hairdressers....

I'm also early 40s and getting into perimenopause. It's definitely not helping, but I believe the total overwhelm is the main issue. I also have added stress from unreliable and nasty ex partner. I think you've hit the nail on the head that it's probably a stress response.

You sound like you have so much on your plate!

My fridge hadn't been cleaned since February and it was like I had total paralysis every time I thought of taking everything out and washing the parts in the sink. I didn't clean it until about 3 weeks ago when my child was off sick from school so I took the day off to be with her. I had been gearing myself up to do it for months. Husband decided (rightly so) that we had to do a big sort of clothes to go to the charity shop and I nearly fainted midway through (only half joking!). I had to keep taking breaks to just breathe amd all I was doing was putting some clothes in a bag.

Sounds like burn out. I think you need to go to GP and get some sick leave to recover.

This sounds to me like burnout. You need a proper rest.

@Mayflower282 and @FictionalCharacter I agree it's burnout. I got signed off about 3 months ago for a short while. The school year is nearly over then I'll have a good 2 months to recover. Just struggling to make it to the finish line

I've felt similar in the last. Just an absolutely enormous workload, so huge that I spent all day and all evening working, barely talking to my family and just , well, existing. I was then hit with my mum having an horrific stroke, my husband seriously ill in hospital and a major health scare of my own, plus menopause. I walked away from the job. Best decision ever. Just count down the days til the holidays. Remember, it's just a job and no job is worth feeling like this. Is it?

Gosh I'm so sorry. That all sounds so stressful and I'm sorry. I hope you are all OK now? I usually love the job apart from this temporary issue that won't be a thing soon.

Having exactly the same experience. Even worse is I waffle like fuck in response and am digging myself so many holes because I don't remember what I said, I may as well jump in one soon. I'm 44.

Last year I did some heavy weight training and this helped loads but I fell out of doing it.

Everything feels like a herculean effort. I have a week off at the start of July so I literally cannot wait for this.

I've been picking my way through it for a while. I did find it helpful to declutter and have boxes and label for things. To be honest I'm 100% sure that I just need more sleep to support perimenopause so hopefully I can reset that on my week off.

I feel like this when I'm overwhelmed. I literally want to go and lie down in a dark room and not see or speak to anyone.

I don't think it's a meno related thing as that's more of a groping for something that's just out of reach type brain fart. At least it was for me.

It’s definitely overwhelm/burnout. I’m not saying only teachers experience this before anyone jumps on me but teaching is terrible for causing this because shit NEVER stops and you never really get long enough to do anything properly so your brain is trained to just whirl all the time. On a Facebook group for ex-teachers someone commented about being given a job to do which involved first checking the materials then doing the job, and their line manager asked if they could do it in three days. They thought it over, decided it was a lot but possible and said ok, only to realise their manager meant do the checking in three days, and actually laughed at the suggestion anyone could have completed it all by then! But every teacher on the post knew they could/would have done the whole thing in the time - because we are continually pushed to as much as we can as fast as we can. When my friend left teaching he had to schedule 1-to-1 meetings with his team. As they took about an hour each he was pencilling in 4 a day. His line manager told him off and said clearly he needed time to prepare beforehand and mental space to reflect on it afterwards and he was only allowed to do two a day at the maximum. Of course like him I would have thought 4 was fine! No wonder we can’t decompress or deal with any. more. tasks.

I don't think it is menopause-related. I think you are completely burnt out and at the end of your tether, and this is your system giving warning signs that it isn't coping.

You probably need to get signed off work for a while. Maybe go and speak to your GP about this.

I think it sounds like burn out too. I say this as someone who is perimenopausal and has long covid, so no stranger to brain fog, also coming out the other side of an extremely stressful period at work (culminating in my redundancy). Brain fog makes words fall out of my head, makes things fuzzy, puts the kettle in the fridge. But the stress stuff made me feel like my head was full and I literally couldn’t insert another thing. We would start watching a new TV programme and I didn’t have capacity to follow it, couldn’t cope with reading non-fiction and the news was completely beyond me. DH would ask what I wanted for dinner and I genuinely didn’t know and couldn’t decide. I was dealing with really complex, challenging stuff at work and then coming home and fighting back tears when I had to decide which load of laundry to put on. For me it was possibly/probably exacerbated by health/hormone issues but I’m 2 weeks off work now and cognitive powers are coming back to me, even though I’m completely exhausted. This is just my personal experience, probably best talking to the doc (if that’s not too daunting).

Thanks everyone. I can't reply to everyone right now but it's nice to hear your supportive messages. I had a meltdown in work 3 months ago and just could not get through the day without crying. I was signed off for a while after that. There were moments when colleagues would ask me a question and I would just look at them blankly. Nothing would come out. No words because there were no thoughts. And try to explain that to someone looking at you for a simple answer. It was humiliating but thankfully these colleagues understand my situation. People keep telling me I'm not myself but everyone had reassured me that I will be back to normal in September.

It's not the teaching workload that's causing me the stress but a situation that has been happening on a daily basis but won't be happening after the summer holidays.

Yes it could be perimenopause but honestly it sounds like I was when going through grueling therapy at age of thirty. Lasted several years. I could not think at all. Especially rang true for me when you said about people asking schedules and dates. I thought my head was going to explode.
Ten years on and I feel similar but believe perimenopause is at play for me, it is similar but not the same. You are in an extreme stress response and totally burnt out. You are cognitively exhausted. Lots of sympathies to you. It will pass, try to rest your brain when you can.

@Metanium it sounds like you are burnt out and your executive functioning skills are taking the hit from stress. Google 'executive functions and stress' and you'll find all sorts of helpful tips. Or, look up ADHD/ADD - the same strategies that help someone with this condition will also help someone going through temporary issues with their executive functions.

Exactly the same here. 46 and a failing everywhere. I'm stressed to fuck with various things. I think this is peri menopause, I've spoken to the doctor. I've had various tests. I'm seeing her tomorrow. I'm going on hrt.

What you've described sounds like executive dysfunction.

It could be stress or trauma related, or it could be peri menopausal.

It could also be undiagnosed ADHD or autism, more likely to be ADHD though which can become significantly harder to manage if you are peri/menopausal. ADHD works on novelty, urgency, and interest. Work is obviously urgent, so you can function. I'm not armchair diagnosing you, but I am just telling you what I know and putting it in relation to an example you gave just for clarity sake.

I think you should consider all options and see which one you think is most likely and chase that with your GP so you can manage your life better without feeling chronically overwhelmed.

Hi OP

Ignore the usual "oh you must be neuro diverse" crap.

Sounds like you've been under enormous stress and things are simply overwhelming your brain.

I get like it too and when I'm like it, can whizz around and shout JUST FUCK OFF!!! at my phone when a message bleeps.

As much time alone as you can and literally cross off the days until end of term.

💐

I've had two periods like this when I was under extreme work stress; like I knew that my thinking wasn't as clear as it should be, and there was a sort of fuzzy limit to my thinking that I couldn't push past.

Both times I left the job and it did still take a number of months to feel like myself again.