I'm a teacher and have had a very, very, very stressful year. The main stressor involved a prolonged and very delicate situation which has required me to step up in a certain way that i have found very difficult. It won't be an issue in September so is nearly over. I also have kids of my own.
A big part of my stress response this year has been an inability to think. I can manage to use my brain in work to get the job done, but outside of work, it's just painful to do anything which takes much cognitive prowess. I don't mean brainfog; it's not hazy thinking. It feels like complete overwhelm, so when my children ask me lots of questions or someone sends me a form that I need to fill in, I cannot compute. I either go blank, want to cry or just want to put my head in my hands or run awat. I feel like I need to crawl up on the floor and close my ears and breathe deeply. I tried to explain this to my husband and he says he has never had this problem before (he is super focused and efficient). People asking me about dates or schedules makes me feel like I have to get out of the room.
The summer holidays are coming up soon and I the stressful issue won't be an issue anymore. I know this is stress response but I just need someone to say they understand and to know I'm not alone.
Today my 7 year old asked me so many questions, which I did my best to play along with and answer with a smile and act normally, but inside I was crying 'please stop!'. My 10 year is also so curious and inquisitive and is always asking millions of questions, some of which are pretty hypothetical and difficult to answer. Again, I try to answer as happily as I can muster. Dh answers these questions without issue.
This morning I had to complete something for work using a computer system that wouldnt work and I was just about holding it together, and it felt like when I used to pull all nighters at uni (eg, not thinking straight by 2am). Then my kids were asking questions and wanting to chat all day. I did my very best to be present and involved but afterwards I went and lay down and just closed my eyes and just listened to the silence but had a panicked feeling someone would call my name and felt like i couldnt relax. They didnt, my dh knew i was struggling and kept them occupied while I rested.
I cannot handle things like planning what to cook for dinner, and I used to be able to whip up a feast using 3 ingredients at the bottom of the fridge in 15 minutes. Dh has taken over the cooking as well as school administration for our kids, lunches, homework, clubs etc. I just can't. There have been other issues which I've been trying to get on top of. Dh takes care of lots of the real brain breaky stuff that I cannot cope with (all the life administration stuff, groceries, beurocracy, banks, renewal, tax etc).
Other than this, I'm fine. I don't feel depressed or down, just like I cannot think without feeling like screaming. Can anyone relate? I just want to sit in total silence and not talk to anyone. I don't want to use my brain at all. I don't feel like I'm neurodiverse but I am early 40s and my periods are getting a bit unpredictable.
I spent the day with a friend yesterday, kid free and I don't feel any better for it. I spent the whole time thinking about what I needed to do when I got home (not much, as it turned out).