Is private school worth it?

[Tristar15]

Yes, I know another private school thread but I am genuinely curious if it is worth it in terms of if you know people who have been to private school and it has helped them become more ‘successful’ than people you know who went to state school.

I realise that a lot of responses will make reference to how you define ‘success’ and I guess for the point of this thread I’m thinking in terms of job / profession etc

Me and most of my friends went to local comps. We have jobs ranging in salaries from 30K to 100K. I have friends who went to private school, all earn in the same range. No particular differences in life style between us. Private school friends came from families with money but not stupid amounts, it was a choice to send them there and they could afford it. Their kids have the same jobs, earn the same money and live in the same area as the kids of parents who didn’t spend thousands of pounds.

Out of people I know who went to private school some are now building boats, some are working as bar managers. Most have very normal professional jobs. Just like the people I know who went to their local state school.
For context my state school friends and I all went to schools that were not outstanding (in my case, not even good).

If in my small, anecdotal case, we’ve all ended up in similar positions in life but it cost some families thousands, is private school worth it?

My 3 all went to the local comp...Im a single parent on a low income so the teachers thought my kids would end up in retail or factory work....2 are now in London both working in tech and already on over 50k...and my 3rd is a student paramedic...I am hugely proud of what they have achieved.

This question reminds me of a separate question - why bother learning Latin? [Nb Latin is taught in some state schools so this is an analogy, not directly about private school].

One argument says it's a dead language, it won't improve your earning capacity etc.

The other argument says it enriches your vocabulary and gives you more confidence in your choice of words. It is challenging and intellectually stimulating so gives a sense of achievement and confidence. By the very fact it is considered an elite subject, it gives the child some of that self-assuredness when they meet other challenges (this looks hard, but I can do this, just like I did my Latin unseens).

Going to a selective school can give similar benefits. You're more likely to be taught unusual subjects like Ancient Greek or Art History etc. You have that insulating confidence that you had to pass an exam to get there. Etc

Where we live is a grammar area and kids who don't pass 11+ and whose parents can afford it have a choice of 3 private schools. 2 are on a level and get around the same, very slightly better, results that the grammars. The other private is always in the top 100 schools nationally and has a higher termly fee and more prestige.

Many kids who haven't fully matured at 10 when they take the 11+ go to the cheaper privates, which offer better wrap around care. Because of the grammar area the other choices are sink schools with rising knife crime. I think in this case you can clearly see under performing grammers (if they can't get better results than the privates full of kids who fail 11+) and a strong example of why people choose private if their kid is deemed a failure by the county at 10yo.

This isn’t true. Most London grammars have a priority inner and outer catchment these days and the majority of kids are selected from within the inner catchment.

We both went to state schools and did well but I was really bullied. We chose to send our son to private school at secondary level because he is bright, but nerdy and sensitive and felt that he'd be eaten alive at our local secondary state school. It's definitely been worth it to see him really happy, calm and thriving surrounded by like minded friends. In terms of long term prospects, i think that he will earn more than if he went to state school because it has raised his confidence levels, but i don't feel as though generally it guarantees a better salary than going to a good state school. I think that the stats say otherwise though, but based upon my experience and friends who went to private school, i think that you'd be better off giving them the money as a deposit on a flat.

There was more "worth" than academic success and potential earnings for mine in going to private school. (Although he did achieve academic success and is on track to earn incredibly well).

He was very much a follower and conformer so once in a setting that had aspirations as the norm he thrived, set goals and sought to achieve them (rather than plodding along when in a cohort where there were no particular aspirations other than getting 5 gcses at 4 or above Inc English and Maths).

Yes some kids will do that anywhere but many won't and I do think mine would not have done as well. Then there were just the added bonuses of access to lots of sport and extra curricular on tap rather than seeking it out and running yourself ragged to make it happen when we both had busy careers meaning we couldn't collect at a silly early time and drive them all over the place.

For my DD then answer would be no sadly. Our reading for sending her was more the small class sizes and we believed she would not be overlooked and would be able to flourish. Also thought that any potential issues would be stamped out quickly. Only 50 in the whole year group.
Not sure if it was due to the break in Covid but she had some low level bullying issues which were not dealt with, to the point where I had to go and collect her in the middle of her D of E as she was alone in a tent breaking her heart and not one child or teacher came to see if she was OK. I also found that there is very little incentives in terms of rewards / certificates for achievements ( no matter how small ) . There was an elite few who seemed to gain all the attention and won everything and of course those parents sponsored the netball team kits etc etc . Also another point I didn't consider was local friendships , as the school is of course further away and the children live further apart , friendships out of school were a challenge in the teenage years . She was isolated and forgotten in a way , whereas the kids who went to the local comp would meet up locally. I think lots of things combined made this the wrong choice for us. If I'm honest it might have just been the school itself but I did know other kids who went there who loved it .
We took her out for sixth form ( she couldn't wait to get out , even went to a sixth form where she didn't know a subject person ) and she loves it .
Just really weigh up the pros and cons - you assume when you pay , you will get a better standard of everything but I found that not to be the case

@NicoleSkidman which London grammars only have an inner zone catchment area? I only know of Tiffin and it’s 10k zone which encompasses cheaper and more expensive parts of London.

Some of the Sutton ones give some places to local kids but Sutton house prices are the cheaper end of London & majority of the places are for anywhere.

Henrietta Barnett has some local places but again more based on just academics.
Queen Elizabeth has no catchment.
St Olaves doesn’t have a catchment.

Most of the Kent grammars have a catchment, Sutton grammar has a catchment, Tiffin’s inner area is the immediate 13 electoral wards around the school.

I went to a very well resourced state school, 1:1 music tuition, large swimming pool, tennis courts, outdoors 'reading rooms', large library, rugby pitch, football, full cross country route, hockey, squash, debating society, archeology club, cycling, athletics, taught Latin & the Classics, option of 3 modern languages, 4 sciences including computing, textiles, art, technical subjects at Higher level. I know this is a rare offering and I was in a big, affluent area with a large social housing estate. Families ranged from highest ranking politicians, well known musicians and artists to local authority workers, unemployed families and everything in between. I am much more successful than privately educated friends and some school friends are hugely successful. The mix of people types and the freedom we had was the difference. I have worked within very deprived, drug ridden areas and would send my child to private school to avoid the influence of drug, gang culture and give them a chance, if I couldn't move house.

The best thing about a good private school is that they have the time, space and resources to provide a range of non academic subjects- if I had chosen private for mine that would be the reason. You pick them up at the end of the day and they've done sport and drama and music and you can just go home. Bliss!

Not All Private Schools Are Like This.

@NicoleSkidman Sutton grammar doesn’t only have catchment places though? House prices in the outer London boroughs didn’t tend to be among the most expensive boroughs in London?

Tiffin’s inner area is the immediate 13 electoral wards around the school.

@NicoleSkidman and to live here you can only be rich?

What other London grammars only have inner catchments?

Most of the Kent grammars have a catchments

Not relevant to my post about London grammars.

I’ve posted this on another thread, but I have two kids coming to the end of school. Both state primary and then one to a top London single-sex independent day school, and the other to a good comp.

Of the two secondaries, we are happier with the comp. Both kids are expected to get similar academic results, though for the comp child they will be seen as excellent, the private, above average but nothing special. That makes a difference to self-esteem.

The comp child has more local friends, and a more ‘normal’ environment. Both teachers and pupils are friendly and supportive. The private child has further afield friends which are a bit of a pain socially, and feels more pressure as social status matters a lot. And generally, the richer the parents, and better-looking the child, the higher the status. Bullying has been an issue in the private, but not in the comp, even though the latter child has SEN, which has been well handled.

In terms of aspirations, definitely higher at the private but a mixed blessing. Any university except Oxbridge and Imperial is looked down upon. Parents are also incomparably richer which raises aspirations but also expectations - the weekly parents notice board advertises jaw-dropping holiday homes - Capri or St Tropez anyone?

The other answer to the question of why not move to the catchment of a good school instead of going private, of course, is that many people don't want to base their entire life decision about where to live, on schools. A family might want to live near work, or near the seaside, or near their friends, or near their elderly parents etc. Private schools give people the flexibility to live in areas with bad state schools and still get a good education.

The most successful people I know are from the state system (grammars for the professions and comprehensives in the trades).

I am completely the opposite! Grew up in the grammar area and none of the grammar kids have done anything of note, many haven't even moved out of the town. Private kids are all over the world; surgeons, magasine editors, authors and scientists.

Which grammar system did they go through?

My DC went private through the whole of their schooling and in my opinion it's not. If I had my chance again I would move to the catchment of good schools and save myself thousands.

I am in Kent. What about you? London?

Neither but the more I'm reading on Mumsnet the more I'm thinking the Kent system doesn't work.

This . It's also the company your kids keep . Peer pressure is a massive influence.

Well done op , that's down to your influence and encouragement.