Is private school worth it?

[Tristar15]

Yes, I know another private school thread but I am genuinely curious if it is worth it in terms of if you know people who have been to private school and it has helped them become more ‘successful’ than people you know who went to state school.

I realise that a lot of responses will make reference to how you define ‘success’ and I guess for the point of this thread I’m thinking in terms of job / profession etc

Me and most of my friends went to local comps. We have jobs ranging in salaries from 30K to 100K. I have friends who went to private school, all earn in the same range. No particular differences in life style between us. Private school friends came from families with money but not stupid amounts, it was a choice to send them there and they could afford it. Their kids have the same jobs, earn the same money and live in the same area as the kids of parents who didn’t spend thousands of pounds.

Out of people I know who went to private school some are now building boats, some are working as bar managers. Most have very normal professional jobs. Just like the people I know who went to their local state school.
For context my state school friends and I all went to schools that were not outstanding (in my case, not even good).

If in my small, anecdotal case, we’ve all ended up in similar positions in life but it cost some families thousands, is private school worth it?

We don’t use private school to increase our children’s earning potential, we use our local private school to avoid the state option which is a failing school with police vans outside. Sounds like some kind of stereotyped trope but it’s true.

DH went private and I went to a comp. We ended up in exactly the same high earning role at the same big firm (solicitors) : the difference is he had a much more enjoyable and memorable time at school than I did.

@Baklavamama thanks for replying. I’m interested that if you’re both earning well why your local state school is so poor as I’m assuming you can afford to live in a ‘nicer’ area which would likely have ‘nicer’ state schools. I’m not bashing you, just curious. I appreciate that if you’re in London for example it will all be expensive so you maybe can’t move anywhere else with ‘nicer’ schools.

The most successful person I know went to state school who went into tech. My private school friends are in similar jobs to state school friends. For me the main difference is the background of the family so some of us have had significant help getting onto the housing ladder etc. I don’t think success is only financial though.

If you're looking purely at job success, then I think it depends. Private schools can widen horizons - if you're surrounded by friends whose parents are doing jet-setting jobs, then that can make you aware of more opportunities (and potentially provide connections). The 'elite' schools are now also sending increasing numbers to the Ivy League, which requires a lot of support and preparation. In most cases, particularly for jobs in the UK, I doubt it makes a massive amount of difference. But I don't think most of the people who choose private education do so for that reason.

We are very likely to chose state for dc (haven’t ruled out private yet) but we have excellent state options available to us. Therefore I can use the money for uni & housing deposits.

DB works at a MC law firm, a lot have a private school background but it has/is changing.

Most successful (financially, academically) people I know went to state as did I but that’s more a reflection of my circle.

I think that private school offers children more in terms of confidence and connections, as well as a built in belief that they are somehow special. They take that ‘specialness’ out into the world and reap all the social and psychological benefits of that, which in turn reinforces the belief that they are ‘special’. That’s the best way to describe what I’ve seen. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy I guess.

I'm not entirely sure private education is 'worth it' if you have a naturally academic child. I do think selective education is powerful though - whilst recognising the impact this has on local non-selective schools.

Our local indie has lots of SEN students and those with SMEH issues.

The top private schools- favoured by the royals and 'old money' are a different ball game though.

If you can easily afford it then yes it’s worth it for dc’s to have a ‘nicer’ time - minimal disruption in lessons, generally better facilities, much more extra-curricular stuff, much more sport, more music, drama, art, more personalised tutoring, more opportunities to develop’soft’ skills (oracy etc) and ‘polish’, for want of a better word.

It’s worth it for families that move a lot (army families) or who work abroad, it can be worth it for single parent families where the parent has to travel for work and needs the boarding option.

It can be worth it for kids who might otherwise fall in with a bad crowd in a school with poor behaviour, very often worth it for kids with SEN or who have experienced bullying. Often worth it for very gentle children who would find the busyness of a large comp overwhelming.

There are lots of benefits to going to a good school,beyond just measurable career benefits. (Nb a good school can be either state or independent, and ditto a bad one).

For example, good schools, particularly with lower children to staff ratios, give children a chance to speak for themselves and give them more confidence. This can have an indirect benefit in all their interactions and relationships (personal and professional). That's what people mean when they talk about that air that some public school educated adults have. It's this confidence that insulates you from life's knocks.

No doubt that air comes simply from being financially comfortable too. As Pulp says "if you call your dad he can stop it all".

But I've seen that less well off kids, on bursaries etc, develop that confident self assured air too.

Going to Oxbridge also gives that air.

Oh, and obviously it’s worth it if the alternative is dire. It really depends on what your catchment comp is like!

I’m not sending my children to private school to increase their earning potential. I’m state educated and in the top 0.1% of earners.

I want them to have the most fun education they can, including all the extra curriculars and trips, etc that go with many private schools.

Depends on the school.

I went to 5 schools mainly due to bullying

• all girls state y7-8 (left bullying
• all girls private to escape bullying y9 (left as dad was going to be made redundant)
• mixed state y10-11 diabolically awful bullying and had to self teach everyone
• "boys" grammar y12-13

Private was nice as friendlier people small classes etc actual education was pretty useless though as was an international school so most of the time was spent teaching English not the actual subject eg science

Grammar school was by far the best education of the lot. But if you're self motivated to top up for school inadequacy you can succeed anywhere I think

I'm a Dr, don't actually know any of my mates that went to private

We sent our DCs to private school from the age of 11. The reason we did this was because our older DD was horribly bullied at state school and the school refused to address it. We didn't do it because we thought she'd ultimately have a better paying career - that wasn't even a consideration.

Sending her to private school, although it crippled us financially, was the best thing we ever did. She flourished there, she came home happy and chatty every day (in stark contrast to the unhappy child she was before who was tearful and wouldn't talk about school), did brilliantly academically and made some wonderful friends (still friends today and they're mid 30s now). She's not a high earner but she and her DH do ok.

We sent DD2 to the same private school because she wanted to go there and as we'd done it for the eldest we had to offer it to the youngest too. I don't think she benefitted particularly. She is a high earner but that's despite her education not because of it.

So it depends what you think private education is for - a well paying career at the end of it or a happy childhood? In our case it was the happy childhood so worth every penny.

I went to private school and I’m a dentist. I know dentists from both State and private schools, not sure it made any difference.
DS is at a private school but we chose it for the facilities, class sizes, extracurricular opportunities etc not to increase his earning potential!

@Tristar15 even if you have good state alternatives, there are still reasons to choose private that aren't related to job ambition. Our local state options are very good - I have no doubt that my kids would have had similar outcomes in terms of exam results, university and job. But the state schools have (relatively) short days, and the extra-curricular activities just can't compete, for obvious reasons. DH and I work full time, and we wanted a school where the kids could have a very active life, with loads of opportunities for sport (child 1) and music (child 2) without us having to be able to facilitate that by driving them around. And for those reasons, their school has been 100% worth it. The other alternative would have been boarding, but neither we nor the kids wanted that.

There are some wonderful state schools, and some woeful private ones. So it doesn’t really matter how many people come on and say their child loved/hated their state/private school as it’s so utterly dependent on the individual circumstances.

For us changing our DC from state to private was hugely transformative, and they are now happy and thriving in a way they weren’t before. But our local state provision was poor, and our nearest private school was amazing, which isn’t the case for everyone.

My dc are at a state primary & they can do extracurriculars morning, lunch & after school. They currently do cello lessons, orchestra, cheerleading, futsal, coding, chess, debate, portrait, craft, cricket, hockey & LAMDA.

This.

I think a lot of people assume that the reason people choose private school is always all about the exam results.

My DC could have gone to the local grammar schools and got similar exam results.

But we wanted them to have a more balanced, rounded education. Their school has more choice about what and how to teach than a state school, and does so much subject enrichment. It doesn't just "teach to the test".

There are many many extra curricular clubs and sports that they can take part in, at no extra cost to us. And they have generally had a "nice" time at school.

None of that will necessarily make them more "successful" or increase their earnings, but that wasn't our reason for sending privately.

Is it worth it? For some people, no, it wouldn't be. For others, absolutely, yes.

It's a hard one to guage because obviously schools now will be different from 10 yrs ago or 20 or 30.

I think there is a reason so many more people are willing to live "beyond their means" as many say on here, to give their DC private school education; the state section is failing in many areas and there aren't enough teachers, rising school refusers and almost zero SEN support.

We need to be lifting the state sector, not pulling the ones working down. Start looking within the state sector for why schools do well and you'll find grammars - which is where all the rich parents who don't want to pay for private get free state education because they can afford houses in the grammar areas and tutoring for their kids. We need to be clear these selective schools work because of the money the parents have enables the training and value of education the rest of the schools in the area are deprived of. Selective schooling works but you won't get far telling people on this site that their boho grammar is doing just as much damage as the private schools because they don't want to hear it. If you benefit from a system without paying much in, of course you don't want to loose it.

Even if we knew for absolutely certain that our daughter would end up in exactly the same job, earning exactly the same money if she went to state school, we would still opt for our chosen private school for her. We're not sending her there because we think it will buy her some sort of leg up in life. We just know what school experience and childhood we want her to have, and this school will help to provide that better than our local state schools. If she comes out the other end and decides to undertake a low paid/ unskilled job then as long as she is happy, we'll be happy too.

I guess it's hard to measure because it's impossible to know how specific children would have performed academically and then career wise if they had been to they other type of school?

@Tristar15 you’re right we live in London and every house on our street is over £2m : at that income level no one considers using the very local state school so it is dire and takes students from out well outside our post code. This is one of the arguments against private schools - if everyone was forced to use the state option then somehow magically standards would rise.

Start looking within the state sector for why schools do well and you'll find grammars - which is where all the rich parents who don't want to pay for private get free state education because they can afford houses in the grammar areas and tutoring for their kids.

Thats not really true in London as some of the grammars have a very wide net with no catchment & there are comps with selective streams that have very small catchments with expensive houses. Plus there are very good faith options which are less driven by catchment. Ime tutoring happens for state & private. And I know few people who chose a prep specifically to access the Kent grammars later.
Plus the London grammars are very competitive & tutoring would not guarantee a place.

Your children are very lucky, mine go to the local state primary which offers 0 extra curricular at the moment, they have in the past done a couple of lunchtime and after school clubs on and off but all their current extracurriculars are external. For example a visiting music teacher for instrument which we pay for and a separate football club that uses school facilities and the rest we have to take them to here and there.