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Brothers wealth makes me feel less than

51 replies

ellecf21 · 14/06/2024 07:53

My husband and I live a comfortable lifestyle, wanting for nothing but certainly don't have an endless pit of money. For context, we bring in about 180k as a household per year. I am a low earner personally as I work part time around my toddler which is perfect and I really love the balance I have. This being said, psychologically that is all I earn so I spend day-to-day as though that's all I have if that makes sense.

My brother and I grew up close in age and have remained close despite living in different parts of the country (he up north and we are London). He worked incredibly hard at school and uni, achieving top of class in everything he did which is amazing, and he is now a director at an investment bank and earns a huge amount of money.

Just recently the gap between our lifestyles feels like it's getting really big, and he often says things that I feel put me / my family down a bit. Example, he will text me things like "what is it like to fly in economy" as though he's never flown economy despite the fact he obviously has and I feel like it's him looking down on me. For context we fly all classes but we are sensible and won't spend on business unless there's a deal. He also says things like "I spend so much money, my credit card bill is £10k this month" and I'm not sure if that's him being braggy but I never know how to respond to it and it makes me feel awkward because I can't relate.

It makes me feel really bad and like he thinks we have nothing which I know is irrational and not true. I'm just looking for people with similar experiences and how to manage them? I don't want to say anything because I don't want to draw attention to it with him. I don't want to say anything to my husband who works hard for the life we have and I am grateful that affords me choices. My relationship with my brother is important to me, but I don't know how to navigate.

Help/advice/similar experiences please x

OP posts:
LetsGoDoDoDo · 14/06/2024 07:56

Just tell him he's being a prick and no one is impressed by his bragging so he needs to tone it down... that's what I'd say to my brother!

Mouswife · 14/06/2024 07:57

Honestly, he sounds braggy, but he is possibly like this with all his investment pals and he doesn’t realise he should switch this off when talking to you. I would find humour in this and try to joke it off with him “you have flown economy you doughnut, remember when we went .. “ or “wow 10k, I hope you bought shoes, I would have !”
try to laugh it off and don’t let it spoil a nice relationship. He is being a bit of a Pratt but it sounds like you love each other so I’d navigate round this.

Loubelle70 · 14/06/2024 07:57

Ignore him and dont reply to any comments that try to make you less than. He will get the message. If he doesnt, you gotta call him out on it. Just say, youre being a dickhead saying those things. We are happy with our lot, its sad i feel youre not as happy as us to make those comments. The phrase money doesnt buy happiness, youre proving that. I hope you are as happy as us at some point.

GentlemanJohnny · 14/06/2024 07:58

Reply: "Same as in First but with less wankers."

FrenchandSaunders · 14/06/2024 07:58

Sounds like a prick ignore

Sarahconnor1 · 14/06/2024 07:59

It's not the income gap that's the problem it's your brother being an absolute braggy dickhead that's the problem. He is saying this stuff to make you feel lesser.

If you don't want to call him out on it then all that is left is for you to try to change your reaction to it.

Loubelle70 · 14/06/2024 08:00

GentlemanJohnny · 14/06/2024 07:58

Reply: "Same as in First but with less wankers."

I like that. Succinct 🤣🤣

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 14/06/2024 08:00

Your brother doesn't sound very nice. Unless you have a great relationship and it's all done with humour/ affection, but even then it doesn't sound nice.

I think you as a household earn more than most of the people on here. I'm not sure how much sympathy you'll get on here. I don't mean that unkindly, but I think you are losing sight of what's 'normal'

I would sit down with your brother and have an honest conversation. It sounds like he's lost touch with reality too.

FridgeJenga · 14/06/2024 08:00

“Alrighty then” just about covers it!

Move on and ignore OP.
People who are truly happy and content with their liveshave no need to brag and put others down to make themselves feel superior better.

Dreamingaloud · 14/06/2024 08:00

LetsGoDoDoDo · 14/06/2024 07:56

Just tell him he's being a prick and no one is impressed by his bragging so he needs to tone it down... that's what I'd say to my brother!

This!

Gabbsters · 14/06/2024 08:03

Your brother is a pillock. I can only imagine he’s doing it deliberately to wind you up.

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/06/2024 08:03

Well something is going on with him isn't it and it's not very nice. It's as though he can't enjoy his wealth without knowing he has put someone else down.

Was he competitive with you when you were young? Is there something that you did better than him or that your husband did better than him?

I think if I wanted a relationship with him I would just reply with something like do you realise you sound like a prick oh I am embarrassed for you when you talk like that.

IWFH · 14/06/2024 08:04

For context, we bring in about 180k as a household per year.
I'm sorry that some of your relatives are wealthier than you. Anyone flaunting their wealth is an arse.

rookiemere · 14/06/2024 08:04

Your family earns £180k - you've both lost any sense of reality if you think that makes you the poor relative.

Next or any time he says anything remind him you're both in the top 1-2% of earners in the world and live a life of luxury compared to most.

Crushed23 · 14/06/2024 08:07

Just don’t engage with him in conversations about money.

I outearn my siblings but I wouldn’t dream of telling them let alone bragging about it.

I know you say you’re close with him, but surely finances are private and you can choose to avoid the topic altogether?

pinkgin79 · 14/06/2024 08:07

😂poor you only having 180k household income. I'll grab the tissues now.....

BobLemon · 14/06/2024 08:12

He’s joking. Of course he knows you’re not struggling for money, which is why he’s comfortable to make a joke.

Either lighten up and joke back (@GentlemanJohnny has it nailed) or just tell him that it’s making you feel weird.

BlahBlahBaa · 14/06/2024 08:13

I know what you mean OP. My DH and I live reasonably comfortably with our 3 children (can manage mortgage, bills and childcare costs, but no mindless spending/meals out/foreign holidays), both working. My brother is a childless, retired (at 37!) multi-millionaire and comes out with all sorts of shit - not as braggy as your examples, but that show how big the gap is between our versions of “normal”. I’ve given up commenting because he absolutely won’t accept HIBU, I just moan about it to mum/DH afterwards.

MavisPennies · 14/06/2024 08:13

If you are close I'd just say something jokey back to him that lets him know he's accidentally strayed into arsehole territory.
As others have said you are also rich! So I'd not spend any time being sad about your own finances.

Setyoufree · 14/06/2024 08:15

You're wealthy yourself which is why I'm assuming he thinks these 'jokes' are appropriate. I'd ignore him in any case

BobLemon · 14/06/2024 08:16

And just before anyone points out that the economy joke isn’t funny - it doesn't have to be funny. He’s mucking around with you because you’re his sister, not because he’s looking down on you fgs.

Setyoufree · 14/06/2024 08:17

Are you actually happy with being part time and a low earner? I ask because I wonder if that's why his comments get to you so much?

Pinkypinkyplonk · 14/06/2024 08:17

I’d respond with “ better than being the arse money’s made you!”

BuddhaAtSea · 14/06/2024 08:19

Is he alright? He’s trying to hurt/humiliate you, and it sounds like he’s not always been like that, so..what changed?
I’d take him down a peg or two, he sounds toxic.
Have a good private chat, and tell him he sounds like a dick with his bragging, you’re his sister, others might not be so understanding.

Lampzade · 14/06/2024 08:27

See it really depends on your relationship with your brother
If it was my brother and he made the quip about economy class I would say ‘piss off you dickhead’ in a jokey manner because I wouldn’t really care. We come from a close family so that is how we relate to each other
However, if you think he is bragging then learn to ignore him.
With respect Op, you are very fortunate and many people would love to be in your position.
Enjoy your good fortune