Please commiserate with me about my horrible morning

[Wowthisisshit]

Took my 2 year old and my 3 month old to a local (tiny) play centre this morning. Baby had a poo explosion on the way, so I need to change her, my toddler screams blue murder at being left in the main bit with my friend who we were meeting there, but in full sight of me with the door open. I need to feed the baby, who is now also screaming, so do that, toddler continues to scream, just out of my arms reach while baby feeds. She won’t be distracted by snacks or by toys, or by me talking to her. I’m scrabbling around trying and failing to feed discretely and stop her from tantruming. Baby stops feeding, and starts screaming again because she’s tired. Toddler still screaming. Baby goes in the sling (screaming), I put the toddler in the buggy (screaming) and walk out.

I cried all the way home.

I don’t want my toddler diagnosed. There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s a bright, chatty little girl who was having a tantrum. I just want some sympathy please, and maybe some similar horror stories. The looks of horror and sympathy on the faces of my friend and the lady who works there will take a while to fade!

Well it does sound shit!

I don’t understand the looks of horror tbh. My DCs weren’t big tantrummers but it’s pretty well known that it’s a normal stage of development. I always have a sympathetic smile ready for anyone dealing with a toddler screaming on the floor in the supermarket.

If anyone suggests getting a diagnosis just say that you’ve already been told she’s suffering from the terrible twos.

It’s horrible. But let me be the first to remind you that this too shall pass. (DS cried and screamed constantly as a baby, to the point where we couldn’t take him out. He has grown into a calm, gentle child. Everything changes with time.)

You have two very young children OP, every parent with kids of a similar age will have gone through that experience, I have. They get tired, hungry, overstimulated and cranky very easily.
Both of mine once had huge tantrums on a bus, screaming and sobbing. We got off because I felt so bad for the other passengers and walked 3 miles in the rain, my DD was in the pushchair and I carried my son most of the way, luckily the torrential rain hid my tears rather well.

Make yourself a nice cup of tea and give them a cuddle. It gets easier

When Dd2 was 18 months we took her in holiday to menorca.

She screamed like a devil child on the flight there. Murderous screaming. Trying to climb under the seat screaming, going stiff so I couldn’t put her my knee and screaming, honestly the entire flight. It was hideous and people were getting pissed off and trying to get involved which made it worse. She ruined the whole flight and I was crying by the end of it.

Then she spewed on the coach to the hotel which was an hour long long. Everywhere - the seats, all over me, herself, her dad. It stunk. People were opening windows and moving away from us.

Every single time we went to a restaurant she started kicking off so either ex and I had to put her in her buggy and walk up and down outside. So we ate our food quickly whilst other person was with her outside.

She got overtired and we had to go back to the hotel room early so she could go bed as she wouldn’t sleep in her buggy so we were trapped in the room from 6:30pm onwards

She screamed on the bus when we tried to cheer our selfs up by visiting new places.

Me and ex fell out because of it😂😂😂

It was a fucking horrible holiday. And she absolutely ruined it!

She is honestly the best daughter now at 11 😂😂

It honestly won’t last forever. It gets much much easier as they get older. Get on the couch with them with a blanket and snuggle them 💗

Thank you all. This helps x

I named this manoeuvre affectionately the 'scoop and run'. I only had to employ it on three occasions (twice when DD was a toddler and once when she was 5).

Sometimes a situation is unsalvageable either because the child is in such a pickle or because the parent is so drained by everything that has happened and hasn't got a further rescue move up their sleeve, that the best thing for everyone is to scoop the child up and leave.

It feels horrible and like a failure but now that I look back I actually think it's a perfectly sensible parenting move!

Commiseration in your direction OP. I hope you have a chilled out afternoon.

DD1 used to send me to the edge of distraction with her unstoppable screaming. Notable occasions including a 3.5 hour train ride to Newcastle (tried to run the length of the train screaming all the way at Derby while passengers getting on, had to sling her over my shoulder and carry her back like an incredibly noisy sack of spuds. Ended up giving her to a terrified beardy man to hold while I wrestled the buggy out of the luggage shelf).

Also doing the Christmas dinner shop, I remember walking round the supermarket with a trolley in one hand, the buggy in the other, a screaming child strapped to my chest while tears ran down my cheeks and every person I passed looked away in either embarrassment or annoyance, to the tune of Mariah Carey on the store radio.

Solidarity!

A two year old and a baby wil make the most hardened armed forces experts crumble. It doesn’t get much harder. Just look at the baby and think “thank god you’re not twins.”

My colleague told me once how she was out shopping and saw an adorable pair of baby twins. She told the mother how beautiful they were, and the mother replied, “Yeah, do you want ‘em?” 🤣

that sounds absolutely rotten and I too would have cried all of the way home in your shoes.

Those are very hard ages, where they both need you at the same time and it’s not a case of being able to ask one of them to wait for a couple of minutes. You did really well to get out to the soft play with a three month old and a two year old.

I am a few years ahead of you and it does get so much easier in time.

Here is something that no one tells you. No one. They should, but they don’t.

Two year olds are arseholes. Three year olds are arseholes who can shout back and tell you why you’re such a prick. It gets better at 4 because they go to school.

One of mine was expert in mental torture and used to do a thing where he would pretend he had no bones and just flop on the floor like a bag of jelly. He shouted at me “You no say no to me. No no no. I do no-bones you say no to me.” This was by the fish counter in Waitrose. He was two and a half. It’s like negotiating with a terrorist.

Oh hon, I’m many years ahead of you, but I still remember those days….
My mantra at the end of the day was, “ All fed none dead!” …. That was a good day. Hang on in there, cherish the little lovely moments. It does pass, actually too quickly.

oh god it does sound awful! I had a similar age gap and I just couldn't do anything or go anywhere by myself, so you did an amazing job - I'm imagining that you were all dressed as well, and had some sort of breakfast, so you're smashing it out of the park as far as I'm concerned. Hope you have a chilled afternoon. I do remember the upside being that the toddler still had naps at that point, I wish for an hour of them both being asleep this afternoon for you xx

’to the tune of Mariah Carey’ made me laugh, thank you.

I spose at least she wasn’t playing this morning, that’s something to cling to 🤣

Oh gosh that sounds hard but familiar!

I remember crying in the garden in the rain, holding tiny DS who was screaming, while trying to comfort DD as she'd fallen and grazed her knee.

We all had a good wail until I could pull myself together and get us all back inside.

Once I had to carry DD like a plank of wood out of toys r us as she screamed the place down. I'd said no to a massive dolls house of some sort that cost hundreds of pounds.

DS used to like to scream on the school run. I'd strap him in the pushchair so I could get DD there on time and he'd scream all the way there and back.

I'd sometimes try and pretend I wasn't with him and just chat with the other moms while holding into the pushchair and shouting over the noise.

He really wanted to walk but that would take at least an hour to do a 10 minute walk as he liked to hug/lick every tree.

DS once threw a tantrum on the way to nursery so epic that a woman crossed two lanes of traffic to shout encouragment and solidarity to me, I'll never forget her kindness.

You have to forget embarrassment for a couple of years. Yip, that's my kid, lying across a busy pavement and kicking my shins when I go near him, nope, I have no means of addressing any of it so I'm standing here like a pointless lemon.

Ohhh that sounds like a horribly stressful morning, @Wowthisisshit - poor you!

I remember when, during the terrible twos, I actually let ds1 eat leftover tortilla chips out of the bin! He had been screaming non stop for nearly an hour that morning, after a massive tantrum the night before, and I was on the last shred of my last nerve, on the phone to dh, in tears - when suddenly ds1 went quiet!

I hung up, and went to investigate, to find him standing at the bin, eating the left over tortilla chips dh had thrown away the night before - and that was why he had stopped screaming. But that isn't the worst part. I looked at him, and I knew that if I took him away from his delicious bin-snack, he would start another mega-tantrum, and I simply could not face that - so I let him carry on eating.

When he got bored and wandered off, I emptied the bin, and found somewhere to put it, where ds1 couldn't reach it (to look for any more tasty snacks).

Oh - and despite my worries, his bin snack did not cause any problems - I was expecting a tummy upset, but no - he clearly had a cast-iron digestion. He is now over 30 and is a father himself - to a little girl who is even more strong willed than he was!

It's pretty normal for 2 year olds to have tantrums, sounds like you have had a bad day but you have two very young children, don't beat yourself up.

We’ve all been there op, I promise it will get better - babies and toddlers can be proper knobheads

Sending solidarity and strong coffee

“I do no-bones” 😂

😂😂😂😂😂

Oh, bless your heart. I still remember carrying DS through a busy park like a surfboard, screaming his head off because I had declined to put my hand into a bin full of wasps to retrieve a cereal bar wrapper that he hadn't said goodbye to. I got some looks that day, but there was just no reasoning with him and I had to get him home. He's 17 now and could probably carry me under his arm!

God they all do it, you forget after a while (brain blocks out the horror I guess) but no parent can truthfully say their child has never had a melt down somewhere inappropriate (at least yours was in soft play which is common tantrum territory IME, too much noise/excitement/stimulation). My middle one learnt a really good way to get a rise out of me was to scream in an ear piercing tone 'you're not my Mummmmyyyyy!' - I once had to fireman's lift him screaming out of a DIY store to a horrified crowd of onlookers while heart rending tears tricked down his cheeks and he basically claimed to be being abducted because I wouldn't let him play with a chainsaw (cruel parent that I am!). DH got accosted by a woman in car park carrying the same child back wriggling and screaming back to the car after another epic tantrum a few months later (can't remember the reason for that one, but it was at the train station so maybe he'd been prevented from diving off the platform or sticking a finger onto the electric line or similar), by that time he had also added to his repertoire 'don't hurt me pleeassseee' - the poor woman quite rightly thought he was being abused but DH had to do some swift explanations to avoid the police being called! Said child had never had a finger raised to him so goodness knows where he picked the phrase up but it certainly worked!

Honestly we've all been there, I think a lot of the horrified looks from passers-by are basically sympathy/relief that it's not them rather than actual judgment as anyone that's ever been left in charge of a toddler for more than 2 minutes know that tantrumming is what they do, it's a totally normal part of their development, the ones that are quiet and compliant at all times are the ones you want to watch for...

My diagnosis is she's a toddler
Doing what toddlers do best
She will grow out of it
Toddlers look cute and cuddly but by god they can behave like the spawn of the devil
I had 3 under 3
I'm still here
Just about 😆😆

That does sound absolutely miserable. I'm really sorry you've had such a crappy morning My first day alone with the kids after my husband finished his paternity leave, my toddler managed to lock me out of the house with him and my week old DS2 inside. No way to get in, and it was the middle of the school run (we lived next to a school at the time), so literally countless parents saw me spend the next twenty minutes alternating between bribing/begging/getting very cross/wishing I'd thought to hide a key outside and I still remember the gleeful little giggles from the other side of the door. Toddlers are both lovely and an absolute nightmare. Really hope your day gets better from here. They're lucky to have you ♥️

Delicious bin snack 🤣

Thank you!