Do you tell your DH / DP everything? EVERYTHING?

[LadyContrary]

This is meant to be very lighthearted, nothing to do with affairs, secret bank accounts, addiction or family secrets.

I was picking DS up from his friend’s house today. I’m quite friendly with the friend’s mum, a couple of days ago we were having a little moan about women’s health issues and I mentioned I get UTIs every so often and had in fact only just finished a course of antibiotics. Nothing hugely personal or embarrassing, not a massive secret either.

Whilst DS was getting ready to leave today, I was offered a cup of tea by the friend’s dad. I declined, hoping to get away asap, to which the friend’s dad replied: “you know you should stay hydrated to keep those UTIs at bay”

Why oh why did she feel the need to share it with her husband. It doesn’t really bother me.. just find it a bit weird.. I don’t actively keep secrets from
DP but I don’t really tell him everything I ever hear from other people. Am I the odd one here?

i don’t tell my DH certain things my friends have told me!

I suppose she could have said something to her husband along these lines of:

"I was talking to @LadyContrary today. I feel really sorry for her as she keeps getting UTIs and I know how uncomfortable that is".

I wouldn't then expect him to say something to you!!!!!

😂😂🤐

I wouldn’t tell that friend anything again.

I don’t tell DP everything, definitely not friends’ personal medical information. I think he tells me everything though, I know more about his friends than I wanted to!

Definitely one of those times for keeping the mouth firmly shut.

That cracked me up!

I don't tell him things about friends that seem very personal or I think they wouldn't want shared, no. Why would you?

Friendship is a separate bond and has its own trust.

I don't assume that when I am talking to my friends I am also talking to their partners. I offer my friends that same level of confidentiality.

@LadyContrary

“you know you should stay hydrated to keep those UTIs at bay”

What an odd thing from him to say to you - he's not your husband nor your doctor. I'd definitely be censoring what I said to his wife in future. 🌹

It's very personal
I wouldn't even tell a girlfriend let alone a bloke.
Gossip
Wouldn't be telling that friend anything in future.

No, I only tell him things that would be of interest to him - your example of someone's health problem wouldn't, unless it was a case of one of us having the same health issue and it was something like "Contrary told me drinking peppermint tea helped her UTI so I might try it." In that case, I doubt he would mention it to the person.

Definitely not.
I tell my Mum everything.

No I don't.
Two main ones - boring stuff and other people's information.

I forget to tell him boring shit all the time and
I don't tell him other people's business unless they have asked me to.
One example - a friend of ours told me something significant about her past several years ago. I have never told my husband because it's her information and if she wanted my husband to know, she'd have told him.

However, my husband feels the same way I do about other people's information so it's entirely possible she's told him at some point and he's never told me because it's her info and if she wanted me to know she'd tell me. 🤣 So if she ever tells either of us that she told the other (iyswim) then we'll mention it, maybe.

Simply holding information does not give me the automatic right to share that information.

I wouldn’t rush home to tell him something like you suffering a UTI as if it was gossip, but if I had been to see a friend, and then later husband asked how you were doing then yes, I can see it might be something I mention (she’s ok now but had a UTI recently which is a bit rough).

My friend and I were chatting about reusable period products a while ango and I mentioned I would like to try reusable pads. A few weeks later her husband turned up at my door with some - he works for the council who give them out in their staff toilets so he grabbed me a set. I’d didn’t bother me in the slightest but would never have happened the other way round.

That just seems a bit sad, how boring are their conversations that your uti is a relevant enough topic to discuss!

In that situation I just can't imagine anything beyond the dh asking "how's op" and me replying "yeah fine." If I expanded with every little detail of your life "she's alright but her mums going into hospital for a check up for her bunions on Wednesday, she needs to buy travel insurance for their holiday to Greece next month and she keeps getting utis" he would just look at me like ????why on earth would I care about any of that?!
(As I would if he did the same about one of his friends or colleagues!)

I do tell my husband most things but not anything like a friends intimate health. What would be the point. We aren't ones for gossip at all. We are mostly too busy chatting about other stuff than people. I don't think my husband would of said anything to the person if anything personal had come up. It's pretty much basic understanding that you don't want to discuss every intimate detail. Maybe they are over sharers 🤷🏼‍♀️

Honestly, pretty much everything but a) probably not a friend's UTI, and b) he would never ever mention it to them if I did.

This.

There’s no way dh would bring it up with the friend even if I did mention it.

No, but even if I did, he has the common sense not to blurt it out to the person in question!

He's probably more of a gossip than I am though and comes back from getting his hair done with all kinds of new information about people

News goes through several levels of filtering in our house.

1. The filtering I apply to the things I tell DP
2. The things I tell DP that he actually listens to (he is generally inside his own head)
3. The things DP remembers (his memory is terrible)

This would not have made it past stage 1. Anything goes past stage 3 may be blurted out at any time, though, as his social filtering isn’t that good.

No I use discretion, "women's problems " would be one area I would exercise it!

I have no limits on what I would tell DH, we are each others vaults and can safely tell each other anything without it going any further - obviously not everything or we'd never get anything done! So maybe I would mention it to him if a friend had a UTI (though unlikely as not exactly riveting conversation) however he would have the good sense not to let on to people and would respect their/my confidence. Who gives their partner's friend advice about UTIs?!

I don't tell me dh everything, mainly because he wouldn't be remotely interested in hearing gossip or something irrelevant that doesn't affect his life (like a UTI). Also that kind of info is personal, so I definitely wouldn't share it.

No. I share stuff that is personal to me, but I wouldn't dream of betraying my friends' confidences. Their personal info is just that... their personal info. It isn't mine to share.

I really doubt that my dh would be interested in another woman's UTI in any case! Do they have nothing better to talk about?!

We tell each other everything, but wouldn't let on to anyone else, if it was supposed to be kept secret.