Are my children to young to be walking to school alone?

[Scorpion111]

My children go to a school that is on the same street as our house. They leave through the front door, cross over the road and then walk up the road for around 3-4 minutes and they’re at the school gates.

Because the school is so close, I can watch them walk the entire way from my bedroom window. Both of my children are extremely sensible, not just in my opinion but their teachers and their friend’s parents are always singing their praises.

They have only walked to school alone 2x and I take them through the same safety briefing in the morning - stay out the road, stay together, look where you’re going, look left and right before crossing etc. Also before letting them walk to school alone (which they have been begging to do btw) we started with saying bye to them at the gate instead of walking them to class, progressing to only walking to the top of the road with them, then half way up the road with them until I was confident in their ability to stay safe.

My children are 7 (almost 8) & 6 years old.

I was going to come on and say this. Perfectly normal in Switzerland and used to be in the uk too. In the 70s I used to walk to school with my similarly aged friend from 5/6 years and it was over a mile and certainly out of sight of my mother!

I see no problem with it personally. I used to put my 7 year old on the school bus and again no issues. His school praised him for his maturity and independence.

A parent takes their children to the school gate and then lets them walk in on their own.

A parent drives their children to outside the school gate and then lets them walk across the pavement on their own

A parent who lives next door to the school lets the children walk 30 yards from their gate to the school gate on their own

A parent who lives down the road and can watch them the whole way lets them walk to school on their own

A parent who lives down the road on the other side makes sure they are safe crossing the road and then watches them walk to school on their own...

each is arguably a higher risk - at what point has risk increased more than is acceptable?

I would argue that the increase in self-confidence and independence for the child is huge - compared to a miniscule additional risk. The number of parents I see 'walking' their primary aged children to school while on their phones with the child(ren) running off ahead - yet that is some how acceptable and yet a measured approach of giving independence while monitoring the child subtly is criticised!

As for those claiming the school will / won't allow it - they don't get a say - despite schools trying to muscle in on parenting, the child's upbringing is rightly still legally the responsibility of the parent, the parent can choose what age the child should walk to or from school on their own - if they object a formal letter telling them your plans (not asking) will move that relationship back to the correct balance.

crack on OP - you are building independence and resilience in your children - get them climbing trees and damming streams, let them walk along walls and jump off / jump into puddles and cook with you in the kitchen using sharp knives - you will build great adults!

This seems entirely reasonable! You make sure they are safe across the road and watch them the whole way. I am not sure what is so dangerous as long as they are aware of being sensible around traffic. Totally a non issue I would suggest

This seems perfectly reasonable for the distance. Very normal where I live (Scotland) for 6+ to walk alone. A number in my P1s class (5y) walk with an older sibling.

Sounds fine to me, I think we are way too overprotective here. My school is further (about 5 mins walk) and has two roads, I would let my eldest do it but school won't allow til Yr 4.

Don't Japanese and scandi kids make their own way incl buses sometimes from about 4 or 5??

@akkakk Hear hear. Some people only think about the risk but don't balance the scales by considering the benefits.

OR the risk on the other side, i.e. the impact on a child's confidence of being told that even though they thought they could do something and felt ready to try, their parent doesn't trust them and doesn't believe they are capable.

Sometimes children think they can do things that are really not a good idea and we have to say no. But it should be a very considered decision, not a kneejerk of no, you're too little.

I think it is fine. People who are saying that it isn't, what do you think might happen to the kids while they are walking to school watched the whole way by their mum that wouldn't happen if she was stood next to them?

I personally think it is fine. Yes I was walking to and from school myself at age 5 and upwards in the 70's/80's. In fact I did it age 4 a few times. People will talk about there being less risk then but was there? I crossed 2 main roads and as for strangers, there were just as many crazy strangers then, we just didn't hear about it as much because we didn't have the fast paced constant news feeds that we have now.

Thing was, it wasn't lazy parenting or being reckless. We had road safety and stranger-danger drummed into us from the earliest possible moment. Crossing roads was a MAJOR daily topic in early years school, plus many parents then also took time to practice what was being taught on road safety. There was a daily consistent approach to actively teaching road safety. The two main roads I had to cross to get to school - they had lollypop ladies - but we were also all taught how to navigate crossing those roads WITHOUT such patrols in case we ever needed to be able to cross the road without help/supervision.

We, as kids, were all very engaged in it and as a result, we wouldn't have DREAMED of attempting to be reckless crossing a road or not simply walking to/from school the way we had been shown. If a stranger approached any of us, all hell would have broken loose. On top of which we could all recite our names, ages, DOB, address, telephone number and parents names off by heart in case we got lost and/or had to ask for help - and we were all taught who to ask for help and how to do it depending on where we were and what the situation was.

The culture that was created was such that, while kids could be and were often shits to each other, when it came to roads, cars, strangers and generally being safe when out and about without parents, the kids did look out for each other and knew what to do in the event of an problem.

The OP here is actually the OPPOSITE of lazy; she has spent time teaching her children and gradually building their skills in independently navigating a simple walk to school.

Teaching/building independence isn't about simply allowing kids to go off and be reckless. It's allowing them to grow and actively preparing them so that if something DOES happen, they are better equipped to deal with it - particularly if a parent is NOT present. It is all very well criticising parents who encourage independence, but if something happens and there are NO parents around, which kids do you think are going to handle it better?! Which kids are more likely to come up with a sensible plan to get help or until help arrives?

You cannot protect your kids against everything that happens in the world and you cannot prevent every accident or complication in life. What you CAN do is weigh up risks, take a sensible approach and TEACH kids how to deal with things - gradually building up so they become resilient and able to think through situations/problems.

My parents were quite strict in many ways - but one area they excelled in and one thing I am forever grateful for is that they taught us how to be independent and how to navigate things. It terrifies me how many kids these days are overprotected and who are growing up without the skills or mindset to deal with even daily situations never mind actual challenges.

A simple walk to school as the OP describes should not be difficult for 8 and 6 y/o siblings walking together and is, in my view, a reasonable and age-appropriate form of independence that will build self-confidence and sensibility around such a task. The OP has worked with her kids to get them to where they can do this - she's not just deciding one day to chuck them out the door and let them crack on. The approach here is perfectly sensible.

They do - in Switzerland they even get on the train alone (or with other children from the same village) and then walk from the train station to school. I remember thinking it was so unusual the first time I saw it but the kids seemed to manage absolutely fine.

There are videos you can watch on TikTok of little kids in Asia who walk home from school (alone), do housework and cook dinner all by themselves. The house is set up to be kid-friendly and they steam fish/veggies, wash dishes, clean toilets etc. It's really impressive!

Not much of a childhood for all these small children coming home from school alone doing housework and making food. Is this supposed to be something admirable that British society should be emulating? If the OP felt truly comfortable about letting her young children get themselves to school why is she posting about her concerns on Mumsnet.
I see the same tired old clichés about fostering independence have been well and truly aired here, there are lots of other ways to help small children gain independence without letting them take unnecessary risks.
I wonder what percentage of Swiss people really let their 4 or 5 year old get trains or buses alone.

It’s young but I see why if you can watch that it might seem fine (personally I pay a minder and mines nearly 11) even though technically they could walk from home

Walk with them and enjoy a little chat about stuff, school, home whatever, then say goodbye and wave them into the gate. It is not about safety, or independence but seems to me it would be a lovely relaxed way to start their day. Means other parents who don’t know your children or the set up will not feel they have to worry say something to the school when they see them on their own!

Totally fine for me as you say that they are very sensible. I think people in the UK are very protective and it doesn't help building your independence. I remember a discussion with mums cutting cherry tomatoes in twos for their children...

It's fine. In many countries it would be normal. It would be difficult to allow the same level of independence as, say, Switzerland, as there is protection in all the children walking together. The distance you describe I wouldn't have a problem with.

I used to walk my eldest across the last side road, then he'd walk 200m down the school road and across the supervised crossing, then in the gate at 5.

Yes, I agree. Although the children would probably be ok walking on their own, surely there's more to it than that. I love taking my son to school. We have good chats. There's going to be plenty of days when he wont want me to be there as he gets older, so I'm making the most of it now!

I got reported to social services for allowing ds to catch the bus to school on his own age 9, the bus stop was 20 metres from our front door & he got off the bus at the school gates. He had a phone & rang me the moment he got off the bus so I knew he was at school. 18 months later he was expected to get to school & back on his own, what had changed in the space of 18 months?

Tbh I wouldn't let my 10 year old get the bus alone never mind a 9 year old it's not my child I don't trust but the most weirdos I've ever come across is on the bus I think that's pretty risky tbh..

@alfagirl73 completely agree. My children have known our address and phone numbers for years. We have drilled them on road crossing practically since birth. I have been shocked at how many children do not know these basic things.

@AmadeustheAlpaca I have family in Europe. And it's totally normal. I think it's sad actually how ridiculously risky you see the world for our children.

@GerbilsForever24 You have family in Europe, that's not very specific, Europe is a big place. That's a sweeping generalisation to say it's totally normal there. Which part of Europe are you referring to and what age group are you talking about. I don't feel in the least bit sad about seeing the world as risky, I think I am being realistic and not naive.
I totally trusted my children, but I don't trust other people - there are too many weirdos around. When my children were at primary school there were a number of uncomfortable incidents with weird men involving children walking home unaccompanied from school, fortunately none of them ended in tragedy.
On a positive note, I agree with a previous poster who said they enjoyed chatting to their children on the school walk and we have some lovely memories of walking through the park to and from school and having some good conversations. My children have all grown up happy and independent even although their parents or childminder collected them in person from primary school.

In terms of Kindergarten, the vast majority of kids will be at KG within 200m of their home, and will walk. In our case KG was in the building next door. I do know a family where the kids went to KG one tram stop away, and they would definitely have gone with a friend / older sibling within a week or two or starting. Children living rurally will also start going on public transport very early. It really is not uncommon, and it is absolutely not a sign of neglect or poverty.

In terms of primary school, children are expected to walk from day one. We lived a mile away from the primary school, and they would meet up with friends on the way. Every child has an allocated safe route (from Police/ traffic safety) and there is a culture of making sure the kids get to school safely.

In terms of the other points you make- is a child doing housework something to emulate? Yes of course, given that the alternative is delivering adults to society who are spoiled, lazy, entitled and useless, and who are unaware of the pride in doing something which makes life easier for the whole family.
Being able to be safely left at home alone, is also not quite the horror you make it out to be.

Reading these responses It's not hard to see why there's so many anxious teens these days. Yes I think it's fine, normal where I am (Scotland). Most kids go the school closest to their homes. My ds and his friends walked from age 7, school was a 5 minute walk, no major roads. They're all still alive in their teens.

Maybe she's posting about her concerns because she knows people are judging her.

I think there's a balance to be had between five year olds cooking their own dinner alone and an almost 8 year old not being allowed to walk two minutes down the road without a parent right next to them.

Switzerland, Austria, Germany and France (although I'm not sure what the French process is and I'd say Austria is a little less gung ho than the others).

I do get the not trusting other people. It's a huge worry for me too. With DS, I worried about other boys/teenagers etc especially and with DD I worry about pervy men and teenagers. We try to mitigate this AND teach them at the same time. Eg we allow more independence in places we feel they're likely to be safer and/or more able to get themselves out of the situation if it arises. We talk to them about how to do that and how to feel comfortable taking a decision to, for example, run away. DS once asked me if it was rude to run away from an adult talking to him if he was uncomfortable. That was a tough conversation - on the one hand, I want him to be respectful of adults in public etc but I also want him to feel safe.

But then I read on here or talk to parents in real life about teenage girls who completely collapse when they get an inappropriate comment in public or teenage boys who can't figure out how to get home when they've gone wandering with their friends and I figure that doing this learning early is a good thing.

That's not to say I don't spend lots of time with them, including walking them to school (our primary school is too far away for them to walk alone until they're in year 5 or 6) or taking them to activities etc, but I see the pride they have in their independence, and the long term benefit.

Downside of course is that DS THINKS he's an adult. But maybe that's just normal teenage boy cockiness?

@GerbilsForever24 Thanks for taking the time to write your well thought out reply. I do think that resilience and resourcefulness are often nature not just nurture and it's interesting that you still accompany your children due to age and distance to school.
It's only a short time that they are at primary school, it passes so quickly.

Don't the school have rules about this?

Our primary school in England say 10yrs old is the threshold for walking in and out without someone over the age of 16 to accompany them. You can override this but need to fill out a form to say you are going against the school guidance.