If you’re efficient

[Hootypooty]

How do you do it?

Could you explain how you move through tasks without becoming overwhelmed please.

I am useless. There are so many things I need to do. Big things like picking a new car, sorting out a house renovation, but also small things like replacing a phone case or buying a birthday present.

I research the thing I need, get overwhelmed with choices and prices then after I think I’ve made my mind up I lose confidence in my choice and don’t make it happen. Then the cycle continues where more and more things get added to the list, but nothing gets done.

I watch in awe as other women I know move efficiently from task to task, making decisions and getting things done. If this is you can you tell me how? Thank you.

Because I know I have a finite time to achieve x. I have two blackboards, one with general to do tasks with no particular deadline and one that is day by day. Small things like ordering a phone case I sit with Amazon and do all 4/5 items. It's a phone case, so long as it fits and not hideous it's fine. It doesn't matter.
A bigger thing, like the car, I approach it casually, half an hour here and there of research then when I've settled on a make / model I pick a day to go to a dealer with a budget, mileage etc in mind. I decide what I care about and very easily let go of what I don't, or can't control.

In all honesty, there's no secret, you just have to get your bum moving and do stuff. Set deadlines, plan your day in advance and make lists to help so you don't have to remember everything and just crack on.

I put timers on my phone. I write notes on my phone then just start at the top of the list with a 30 minute timer and see how many things I can do.

Then I make a cuppa set another timer and go again.

I run a business and will always leave stuff to the last minute so my timers are essential.

I also seem to be better with timers from about 8am onwards .

It’s the big things that really cause me a problem. I can do the research, but committing to a firm decision seems impossible. I don’t know if it’s a lack of confidence. After spending hours thinking about it I don’t complete the task and I’ll move onto the next thing and repeat the same pattern.

I over think everything, worry about my decision, then make no progress.

What's the worst that can happen? I impulsively bought a car last year. Literally 12 hours prior had no plans for one. Then less than half a day later I owned it. The world hasn't fallen in, I'm not sure I love it. But it's fine. Trust yourself more. :)

Are you on your own? I have a great friend to use as a sounding board if needed and I find it easier to just get on with stuff now I'm single than when I was married and had to consider someone else's opinions.

I find decisions paralysing as well, to the extent that it's been diagnosed as form of OCD, so I feel your pain. There was a book I read which I found really helpful which I now can't remember the title of, but basically the gist of it was: you are bound to regret some decisions, that's an inevitable part of being alive. Aim to be a 'satisficer' rather than an 'optimiser' - meaning better to spend a couple of hours researching cars then go for one that seems ok, rather than wasting weeks of your life exhaustively researching the perfect car. You might end up with a slightly better car, but at what cost? It also says to make decisions non reversible, so once you've decided on something, act on it straight away and don't leave your options open. If you're anything like me this is really painful at first, but it saves pain in the long run. Practice making small decisions and give yourself a pat on the back for making them quickly. Notice that, even if the decision wasn't perfect, you've saved yourself a load of stress trying to make the perfect decision. Sorry this is a long post. It's an issue very close to my heart! I still struggle (was awake all last night trying to make a work related decision, ironically one based around how tired each choice will make me) but I have got a lot better than I was.

@ZeroFucksGivenToday thank you. You’ve got a great attitude. I wish I was more zerofucks.

DH is a perfectionist which adds to the problem. He still moans about things we did in the house years ago.

I feel overwhelmed by the scale and amount of decisions I need to make. I know in the
grand scheme of things these are normal adult decisions, but I can’t seem to complete tasks.

I am good at writing lists every day and ploughing through them, but they are tasks that I either must do as there is a deadline or I feel confident doing. Like making appointments or completing pieces of work.

@MsGoodenough thank you so much. Hearing your experience is very helpful. Paralysed is the perfect word for it. It’s easier to make no decision than a decision so nothing changes apart from i’ve wasted hours thinking and then feeling the shame of being so ineffective.

I hope you have a better nights sleep tonight and have made a choice.

I've found the book. It's 'The Paradox of choice' by Barry Schwartz.

@MsGoodenough thank you, I’ll have a look.

Can you start small? I felt like this but I made a massive list and just got all the shit small jobs out of the way...sorting every cupboard...doing that tip run...sending clothes to clothing bank...booked the boiler service. I still have a list of like 5 medium sized jobs but it makes my head so much clearer to deal with the big decisions, like if you're sorted and organised, your mind is less cluttered for the more important stuff?

Simplify where you can. Phone cases? Always black. Room needs painting but can't agree on a colour? Pure brilliant white.

You say you need a car. Which garage is nearest to you, do they do a model you like? Why would you go further afield?

Thanks for this and your excellent post about being decisive.

Now should I send this or not? ;)

I have the exact same problem.

I've made some decisions I later regretted our that weren't quite right, which hasn't helped.

DH is even worse than me. He just doesn't do anything beyond the day to day.

I’m like you op, I find the fear of deadlines a great motivator!
But I will say this, having got off my backside (not literally) to search for a less exorbitant car insurance for the coming year (and not just let it roll over) I’ve just saved myself £350…

Have a big family. You have no choice but to keep going for them.

I only have a finite amount of time each day and use it wisely. I never just sit around being bored. Always productive.

Look up Goblin Tools

I think some of it is confidence. Both to make the decision in the first place, but also in my ability to fix things if I happen to make an error.

I’m also a fan of a list and ticking things off.

The other thing I do is “route plan” my tasks. So as I am moving about the house / local area I might cover multiple things and I make the order I do things efficient too.

On my efficient days I'm very efficient, butbhave lots of not efficient days too, so remember you're probably seeing those "other" women on good days.

I make lists and work through them one thing at a time. Re the decisions, it rarely really matters between the choices, just choose one and move on.

What are you doing with your time, instead?
Stop doing that.

I’m not a perfectionist so that helps.

I’ve also learned the world doesn’t fall in if I make a choice. Sometimes I regret decisions but rarely are they life altering.

Think my worst decision was taking my current job and even that, I’m making the best of it!

I make lists and work through them, prioritise and decide what can slide and what needs to be done. I move forward and don’t look back too much. I avoid dwelling on bad choices, it doesn’t help, just plays with my mind!

@Hootypooty Try the book “Eat that Frog” by Bryan Tracey and “Getting things Done” by David Allen.

Both life changing, although less about the psychology of decision-making but they suggest systems and approaches.

I found it good to keep remembering that time spent faffing takes quality time away later. E.g As a single working mum, if I am not efficient in the day and spend 30 minutes (an hour !) scrolling, that takes an hour away from time with my kids later in the day! Or that’s reading time I could have had!

“Sod it and send it” is another useful maxim and “Done is better than perfect”.

HTH

It sounds like you are maybe a bit of a perfectionist and care too much?

You can't get things done and make decisions if every time you are terrified that it will go wrong.

Sometimes you have to make a decision not being 100% sure that it's right, but if that happens, you can cross that bridge/ deal with it when you come to it.

I think confidence in your own resilience and ability to deal with things that might go wrong is really important in decision making.

Not making a decision is a decision in itself, though.

(A decision to continue the status quo, not get the thing done, feel the shame of being ineffective, etc).

I find that quite helpful to remember. You're not inert. If you don't take action then that's a decision not to take action.