I was offered a seat on the tube this morning

[Dryplate]

I'm female, 54, healthy looking afaik . Not overweight, so unlikely to be mistaken for pregnant, even if I was young enough, I was wearing comfortable shoes, no heavy bags.

I'd been stood for a couple of stops when the woman in the seat nearby jumped up and insisted I took her seat. At the time I assumed she was about to get off but no, she stayed on several more stops and took a seat when one became available.

She must have been at least as old as me

So, what was that about?

Do you think you looked tired maybe?

This happened to me today. I assume I look knackered and they felt sorry for me!

I don't know know.

Where I live people largely, but not universally,are traditionally polite. Men usually allow women to board buses before them, younger people, although not the young teenage generation, allow older people to board before them. Most people, although again not the younger teenage generation, allow people with obvious physical disabilities to board before them.
On board the bus there is an overwhelming tradition observed of giving up seats for the elderly, infirm , or people with children.
BUT I get confused when often a woman of a similar age to me makes a point of letting me on board a bus before me. I wonder is it because I look older than I am, or could it be they just have good manners?
Possibly you encountered someone with good manners?

This happened to me (for the first time) a few months ago.
Me: 50ish female, overweight, embracing the grey.
Seat offerer: 35ish male.

I only had a couple more stops to go, so politely declined.
I spent the next couple of minutes trying to decide if he thought I was pregnant, elderly or visibly disabled.

Had similar a few weeks ago. Everyone at the bus stop stood aside to let me board first. It was outside my former university and until then had felt like I was back to being a student.

Did she maybe think you were about to faint? Aside from kindly considerations, if I see someone looking a bit dazed or wobbly regardless of visible health issues I always offer them to sit down before they fall down, because it's a colossal pain for other passengers if someone goes down, not just because the train gets held up while they're helped off at the next stop but more so because some idiot tends to lunge for the 'emergency stop' button which makes matters much worse for everyone including the poor blameless fainter

On the old silverline overground trains before the line got an upgrade (and AC!) about 15 years ago and became London overground, it was a near daily occurrence in the summer that someone would keel over from heat exhaustion, it was that hot and overcrowded, and if fellow passengers didn't intervene quickly to stop the emergency handle panicker, the whole line would get backed up for an agonisingly long time as the train immediately stopped between stations and the driver would have to manually check all the carriages and override the emergency alarm before being allowed to move again. Once on a train I was on someone fainted during an emergency stop caused by another fainter!

to me is rude to decline. Whatever the reason the offer is kindly meant why analyse? Think everyone should stop assuming negative reasons for this sort of offer. As an older feminist who stuck up for equality I still think big over reactions to offers of seat, door held open etc. just be glad manners still exist

I am late 40s, no health issues, average size. I have twice been offered a seat by young men. I said "thank you very much" and sat down on both occasions!

Just being kind perhaps. Perhaps paying kindness forward - I've seen a few posts on social media recently where people have had their orders paid for by the person in front, stuff like that, so maybe she's doing a kind act in a different way.

I had a phase when I was about 50 when I was offered a seat on the tube every few weeks for a few months, it got pretty demoralising. Looking back on it I think I looked tired and stressed.

It then utterly stopped, haven't been offered a seat for a few years (got a new job so less stressed, though I guess also on the tube a lot less post-covid).

Yeah, me too (late 60s), also young men. I smile and thank them nicely. I also give up my seat when needed. It's a bit of courtesy and consideration (both giving up and accepting) that makes a commute a bit more bearable.

I don't have any problem accepting a seat, when offered by a man or young person. I didn't decline this one, I'm just surprised that a woman who was at least as old as me, probably older, offered it.

This, totally.

I must live in a really shit area! I'm the same age and walk with a stick, until very recently I had two crutches, even on two crutches I was never offered a seat.

In fact I was waiting for a bus one day, and lots of younger people pushed in front of me to get a seat (including the ones at the front for disabled/elderly). I had to stand.

My 82 year old mum (who is incredibly frail), got on a bus yesterday, that was filled with kids who'd obviously just done an exam (it was 11am, so not a school service). They again took up the front seats for disabled/elderly, as well as the pull down seats for those with walkers or pushchairs...no one offered her a seat.

But which "manners" decree an older woman offers a seat to a younger woman? Is it actually good manners to accept in that situation?

Londoners are more likely to look at you and get up if they think you look unwell. Commuters aren’t as nice.

She was trying to fool herself she was younger than you! It's nice though, I love the stories about young men being so kind.

I had to laugh recently an older man (mid 70s I'd say) got on a bus and stood. A teenage girl jumped to offer but he declined. Not long after, he had moved along a bit, another young woman spotted him and did the same and he declined. A few stops later a young man saw him and offered, and he accepted graciously.

That would be right and proper and the way he was bright up. Women have (had) priority for the seats, but as a young man he would have been expected to give up his seat for an elderly man

She probably thinks (as I do sometimes) that she is still 26, and automatically offers her seat to older people without remembering that she is now that person too!

I wouldn't feel bad about taking the seat either way.

Maybe she was 35 but a devil for the fags and sun beds.

I give up my seat if someone looks knackered and have had it offered to me when I've been laden down looking shattered.

Us Londoners are actually kind you know.
Sometimes.

I have arthritic hips and sometimes sitting is worse than standing - maybe she had a sore back or hips and just hit the point she needed to stand? Maybe she was just being kind and didn't mind standing for the final part of her journey. Maybe she needed to stand for her Apple Watch stand/move goal.

Just take the win and be pleased you got a seat :-) maybe pay it forward if you see someone looking tired another day.

I do my best to look pale, wan and about to faint not actually that difficult for me. I usually end up with a seat.

There is definitely a 'please give me a seat' vibe you can send out.

Or you can be overweight in an unflattering dress. This also works but I am shameless.

Jeez this happened to mer last week. Early 30s.

I'm a bit overweight so I think she must've thought I was pregnant. The woman who offered it has her baby in a pram with her! I was kind of horrified and returned to the gym this week...

Me she was uncomfortable with someone who sat nearby, but felt awful for making it obvious?