Tell me good things about leaving a job that made you utterly miserable

[theuniverseisworking]

Hello everyone,
I have come to the conclusion that my job is making me utterly miserable & even unwell.
High pressure, impossible expectations, managing a mixed team, some of the team are very challenging. I'm a single mother, I spend my weekends worrying about work & my working week worrying that I don't spend enough time with my children. Everything is rushed. I feel like I'm doing a lot of things badly because there is just no time to do it.
A friend has told me they 'miss the old me' & has offered to help me out financially while I look for another job that's less exhausting.
They have a disposable income & said I can pay them back in 5 years if I want!? I know they mean it.
One of my children is struggling with his mental health & I feel like I am too.
Has anyone just given notice & left?
Feel like im disappearing.

good idea to leave, but I would suggest finding another job first so that you aren’t reliant on a friend.

I left a job that made me feel like this three months ago. At the time I worried what colleagues would think/say, but now I’m delighted.

Unfortunately some workplaces won’t change unless they are forced to, and if people don’t leave they will exploit them to the max.

At my old work there was someone who put in tonnes of unpaid overtime and got massively stressed. I felt bad leaving her, but at the end of the day you have to do what’s right for you, I expect my colleague will carry on the same til retirement.

No job is worth your physical and mental health. Temp if you have to, take the money if you really have to and it doesn't alter your friendship and put you under an intolerable financial burden, but get out.

I left a job that made me miserable and I can’t tell you how freeing it is. Not having that feeling of dread and hopelessness hanging over me every minute.

Find another job first

Check out a little from your current job, enough to give you the energy to job hunt

Do you get decent sick pay? If so I would speak to a Dr and they may sign you off for a bit which would give you the headspace to job hunt

Yes I left legal work 10 years ago and never regretted it; but I did save up money before I went. Just hated the stress and anxiety. I also realized I couldn’t sit at a desk for 8 himours a day.

Thanks so much for your replies
@Chchchchnamechange exactly that, I'm finding myself worrying what others will think/say especially when, if I don't have another job lined up, & I have to say 'I'm just leaving because it's so impactful on my Mental Health or whatever.
But honestly don't think I can hold on for more than another 4-6 weeks while I apply for jobs/wait to find out if I've got an interview etc
I kind of think that by leaving, it'll give me a kick up the butt to apply for loads of stuff
My head is utterly fried

Yup, recently left a job that was making me ill with stress and it was absolutely the right thing to do. Fortunately got another job very quickly which I am really enjoying.

@HermioneWeasley did you leave without another job lined up? Because I really think that's what I need to do.
Really glad to hear you're enjoying the new job.

Yes I've walked out of two jobs in five years, the second one with no job to go to. The people I worked with were lazy people with no concern for the vulnerable people that we were employed to help and the managers let them get away with utter incompetency and laziness. It grated on me so much I just left in the end as it was clear nothing was going to change. I have no regrets, found a better job relatively easily.

Yes. I did temp work for a while and dh supported me through it (financially).

I realise now that I didn't realise how bad it was until I'd left. The healing process was much longer than I expected.

For 3 years or so, I couldn't think about the job or the people without feeling stressed, angry and betrayed.

6 years on, I think back on them with triumph that my life is so much better.

Now I think about them more because I want to go back and tell them that my life is so much better now while they're all still there doing the same job as before. I think I need to work through this 😅

Just to let you know I claimed Contributions based Job seekers allowance for a few weeks between jobs. It's only around £80 a week. I thought I perhaps wouldn't get it as I had voluntarily left a job but I said it was for MH reasons ( which was not a lie) and they were accepting of that.

Leave op, no job is worth the stress. You only live once, and it is a long time until retirement if you hate what you’ve do.
I did, but did a mix of temping and retraining. I am glad I did it that way, the temping meant I still could afford to live and do nice things with DCs, the retraining gave me a new focus and direction, built on my self esteem, and meant I made some wonderful and enduring friendships.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

@Miley1967 sounds like you totally did the right thing.
When you advised dwp that you left due to mental health did you need to show proof that you spoke to your GP or anything?
I haven't spoken to my GP yet just because I haven't made the time & too anxious to be off work as then I'll come back to even more work, but probably should

No I didn't need to show anything for JSA, just had to show I was looking for another job and keep them updated with job offers etc.

I left a job about a year ago. Totally toxic director that was fine for 18mths but bullied out two female employees then turned on me. To be honest I predicted it as she bullied woman who had similar experience to her and were about the same age. I’m normally a strong and confident person but she was so vile my self esteem, confidence and self worth were eroded in a very short space of time. I’m 52, been in the industry years, had loads of experience but she made me feel like a school child.

Anyhow after a spate of particularly bad behaviour that had me sobbing my heart out (mainly due to the injustice of it) I quit. Complained bitterly to HR and said I was leaving with no notice, I had no job to go to. I don’t condone this though as I had support from my husband.

Literally a week later a fantastic job came up on linked in, I applied, they got back to me within an hour, interview the next day and I got the job. Also a £32k pay rise. It’s a very prestigious company I’m working for and I took absolute delight updating my profile on LinkedIn knowing that the director would have seen the update. It was the biggest fuck you I could have ever given her to be honest.

A few things, OP:

Do you have a partner who can take on the financial burden while you look for another job? I would not rely on a friend financially for several reasons, two being that the money might not surface as readily as initially thought and two you'd need the actual savings/ means to pay them back, and could you really afford that 5 years down the line?

Also, you have a child - you need a watertight way of supporting said child.

How easy is it to get another job in your field? How long from application until you can start? How many likely other candidates? That may play a big part as to whether it's wise to quit without anything else to go to.

Will you need a reference?

Do you get decent sick pay? If you do, a trip to the doctor's to get a fit note for your mental health might give you the breathing space you need to apply elsewhere.

How will you potentially bridge the gap between starting work and getting paid? I once had to wait 1.5 months for pay to start showing up in my account owing to my starting date.

I've left jobs I've been miserable in a few times, but never without another job already lined up.

I’ve done it twice. First time I just walked, then spent a few months doing some further training. Second time I had a new and much better job lined up. No regrets either time.

I left a job that made me
Miserable
Life is def too short but I wouldn't want to be reliant upon someone I wasn't married to (and I hate the fact I am so reliant upon my own Dp financially )
I am
Looking for short term opportunities so I have an exit strategy always

Yes. I had worked with my current boss before and he called me the day after I left to offer me this one

As in “yes I didn’t have another job lined up”. I just couldn’t bear it another day.

Oh dear god yes!

in one job I was planning to hand in my notice every day for about two weeks - the owner had been gunning for me since I got there (he complained about everything I did - and blamed me for things that I had nothing to do with - but never about the things he didn’t know I did), incredible ride and aggressive to me, always bitching and moaning (he was boinking HR so no way to raise a complaint) plus business wasn’t doing well and investors were complaining (so cheaper to get rid of me, director and office manager and dump all the work on the manager and office junior).

I was called into a late Friday meeting (yeah - late Friday great time to give ‘bad’ news) and told I was no longer needed. The fact I had delivered what the arseholes wanted by working 11 hour days six days a week.

I said ‘thank Christ for that - anything else?’

The shock on HRs face was a joy to behold but I never got to tell the owner what an utter c* he is. I loathe him with a passion - I have never met anyone as slimy and arrogant (and I have worked for city traders). Deffo the bear any time.

Anyway. I called DH to pick me up in the car. Had a massive clear out, packed my bag, resisted the urge to do anything spiteful and we went out for a curry to celebrate.

Anyway. Three weeks later I went to temp in another company for a few weeks - and they really liked me and offered me a contract at same pay and 9-5 hours (really normal office hours).

Op - you sound like maybe you're in education? I could've written your post. I'm ill, I'm stressed, developed anxiety and overwhelming sense of pressure on me. I started medication 18 months ago and it keeps panic at bay but I'm just so unhappy.
I'm handing my notice in and will need to look in September. I can't help but feel more anxious about finding another job though!

Nine years ago I left a job where I was being incessantly bullied by my boss. He was o.k. until his divorce was finalized and he asked his new sweetie to marry him. About a month later, the bullying started. With his wife out of the picture (she initiated the divorce) and the fact that he wasn’t going to beat up on his new sweetie, I was the lowest woman on the totem pole. I was physically and mentally dying. I took one half day off sick in seven years and got screamed at. That was just the tip of the iceberg.

My current job has saved my life. Normal, sane people, and no one has ever started a fistfight in the office.

I found this new job before quitting my nightmare, though, OP. I would highly suggest trying to do the same, especially as you are a single mother. As a PP stated, I wouldn’t rely on a friend. The interim may be difficult, but when you find a better job in a non-toxic environment, it’s like a whole new life.

Good luck, OP 🌸

I did have another job to go to when I left but honestly leaving after 18 months of stress, bullying, was so freeing. I went to another role, better money and holiday and have thrived. I got back the real me. I look at my old manager now still stuck in his sad little nasty place and think he actually did me a favour as now I know what not to accept ever again. My replacement from that job lasted 6 weeks!!! I refused to go on sick leave as i would not give him the satisfaction. Personally i could not go without a job to go to.

Yes twice. First time I had a narcissistic sociopath as a boss. I did have a job to go to though.

second time I just went ‘fuck you, I’ve had enough’. I couldn’t sleep, was set non achievable targets and asked to do handstands with no hands! I left and took a temp job on min wage. They offered me a job, with some different experience. I then got the job I do now which I love and they appreciate me back.