Is this encouraging my teenager to have sex?

[Biscuitthief]

My dd is 15 and has been with her 16 year old boyfriend for a year. They’re both happy with each other and love each other. He comes over a few times a week but never stays over. They’ve talked about sex but neither are ready yet by my 15 year old dd has asked to go on the pill. She’s our eldest so we’ve never been through this before. I’ve booked an appointment with our gp but am I doing the right thing? I’d love her not to be putting hormones in her body at such a young age but I do want her to be prepared.

I suspect they are already having sex or done sexual things if he's at your house several times a week. She might've even had a pregnancy scare and that's why she's asking you about the contraceptive pill. If they weren't ready yet then they'd be meeting outside the house and hanging out rather than together in her bedroom.

@TheShellBeach

Probably not but I'd definitely be explaining to my son that it's against the law.. pretty stupid to put yourself in that position.

If I remember rightly, the first phone call I had from a chap, my mother took me to the docs and got me on the pill. I didn't actually have sex for a while, but I see why she did it.. I would have been about 16. I think she was right to do this.

Underage sex is associated with various negative health outcomes. There’s loads of studies, eg this one
https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01298/full

If she’s on the pill, she will no longer have any (in his eyes) valid reason for not having sex. So a lot is going to depend on whether she does really want to.

I’m old enough to remember when the pill was still a relatively new thing. Plenty of women and girls had their boyfriends complaining that there was no reason any longer to refuse them - they now had carte blanche, so to speak.

Best time to sort contraception is before sex. Shes being sensible having these discussions now.

There is nothing to say she will be on it for years. If the couple split up, she will probably come off it; if they stay together and are sexually active for a while, she may choose another option in due course eg LARC.

No you’re absolutely right to put her on contraception OP.

If they want to have sex then they’re going to do it anyway and it’s much better that she’s protected from getting pregnant.

If she doesn’t want to tell her dad about it, then you need to keep it a secret.

I assume she wouldn’t tell her dad about having heavy periods etc and there are just some things that are ok to be kept to just one parent.

Absolutely this!

I personally prefer the Pill to implant or injection because it is in my control, I can stop immediately if I don’t like the side effects or if a relationship ends.

I asked my mum to go on the pill when I was 17.

She said no, so I went to the doctor and sorted it myself.

I would rather have done it with her support.

Both now and at the time I thought it was very foolish of her to have said no.

Absolutely yes to letting her go on the pill. You arent encouraging her to have sex but if they are going to do it, they are going to do it.

I'd let her go into the gp appointment on her own if she is comfortable with that (the gp may actually ask you to leave if you go in with her). Its quite normal for 15 year olds to go in to the gp alone.

And yes to buying condoms. I did this for both of mine (girls) as I didnt want any unplanned pregnancies because they or their boyfriend were too embarrassed to buy them.

We had a big basket in a cupboard in the bathroom with sanitary products and in and I just put some in there and topped them up whenever they were low, just like the sanitary stuff. I do actually thing I was providing condoms for most of their friends as well but hey ho!

If she’s on the pill, she will no longer have any (in his eyes) valid reason for not having sex. So a lot is going to depend on whether she does really want to

Well, if she's having this conversation with her mother, I think we can safely assume that she wants to.

I'm in my 70s. But luckily, I can still remember my teenage years.

I'd say, she's asked to go on the pill, she's thinking about her future. She sounds balanced ( I was way too horny at that age to care, to be honest.) Using a condom is all well and good, but it relies on the boyfriend. Your daughter wishes to be in control, is how I read the post. Good on her. She's talking to you about sex, I never did with my mother.

I'm so pleased for you that she trusts you enough to talk about her most personal life. You must be a good Mum.

The implant is the best option for a 15yo.

What a responsible and thoughtful 15 year old chooses, with input from a medical professional and support from her mum, is the best option for that 15 year old.

@EternalSunshine19 not to go into details but we obviously knew how they worked in theory, I think they just didn't fit/were cheap condoms and wouldn't stay on.

I didn't want to go on the pill at 16, because I was scared of putting on weight.

Then I had a pregnancy scare.

I stayed on the pill until I wanted dc at 30. Got pregnant first try. Had one nasty blip in my early 20s, when I suddenly started getting side effects but a change of pill saw me right. I never, ever forgot to take it, because the fear of getting pregnant overrode everything else

I think it's brilliant that she has come to you and is able to discuss with you. Go with her to the GP and support her to choose a form of contraception that'll work best for her. She may not be ready right now but she's preempting it and preparing. Good on her, I'd give her a box of condoms too.

Thanks everyone. She’s my eldest so I feel massively out of my depth. I’d prefer she waited until she was older (I was 17) but this seems to be a serious boyfriend and I’d rather she was safe.

Yes it is. OP's daughter is 15, the boyfriend is 16.

I don't think the age difference, in this instance, matters but wrt the law you are incorrect.

As @FOJN says it is illegal on the part of the 16 year old.

"It is a criminal offence for anyone who is 16 or older to have any kind of sexual contact with someone aged 13, 14 or 15. It is also a criminal offence for both girls and boys aged 13, 14 and 15 to have consensual sex with anyone else aged 13, 14 or 15. This applies whether they are the initiating partner or the consenting partner. This criminal offence where both are aged 13, 14 or 15 applies solely to penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus with the penis and to touching of the penis vagina or anus with the mouth. People in this age group participating in other consensual sexual acts are not committing criminal offences."

In this type of scenario this law would rarely ever be enforced but it's worth being aware of

So it would be legal for one 15 years old to give another a hand job, but it would not be if one of them turned 16 before the other?

The law is odd sometimes.

Well I personally think it’s brilliant that your 15 year old daughter felt comfortable enough to speak to you about going on the pill. You’re raising a responsible, sensible teen.

I agree with a pp: if she goes on the pill she shouldn't tell her bf , that way she can never be pressured and will need a rubber whenever they do it. She should also know about the long term effects of hormonal contraception ... I was on it from 17-25 and I actually think it drove me a little mad. Was like a fog lifting once I was off it and I wish someone had told me this could happen.