Housekeeping money from adult children - what does it cover?

[Anotherloverholeinyohead]

Curious to know what arrangements other people have.

My 20 year old son gives me £150 per month. He does not drive yet (taking lessons though) so £100 of that is to cover the fuel costs of me driving him to work. The other £50 is a token contribution to the household. He is saving for a car/insurance and is building up work tools which he needs to pay for.

Talking to his friend yesterday - he pays £100 housekeeping money plus buys all his own food/toiletries/washing powder etc.

I don't want to profit from my adult child living at home and if I thought he was taking the mick with the situation I would review it but, just curious as to other peoples set up

£100 pm for fuel?

Mine covers his own gym and any food that is separate to our main meals. He often cooks and eats separately or in addition to the house meal. I don’t take anything else and he is then able to save. If he was less inclined to be helpful or to save then I would review the situation but I prefer that he has the choices and responsibility. If I needed more then I would ask but while I don’t then this works.

Mine pays a token £100 a month. Have told her it's so she can save. She's doing that.

I would feel resentful if she had all her money for herself and we paid all the bills.

If I was skint then I would say their house-keeping pays for their share of:-
Rent/mortgage
Food
Utility bills
TV license
Broadband
Council Tax

The £100 per month for fuel is two 20 mile trips per day four times a week.

Hope he passes his driving test very soon!

Why are you being his unpaid chauffeur?
In reality, if you’re driving him around to the tune of £100 in fuel, your car is going to devalue pretty rapidly as your mileage increases, plus wear and tear on the vehicle. So the whole of that £150 should be set aside for fuel / car depreciation.
With my DCs, how much they paid was dependent on how much they earned. If I recall, they paid 20% of their net salary. As an aside, make sure your Ds is paying into a pension!!

£100 would in no way get close to the cost to me of my, currently teenagers, atm. I spend about £100 per week on food for them for example. I expect if they were working full time and staying at home I would want them to at least go some way to covering their costs, but I would y charge them rent.

He is getting an absolute bargain here. I would up how much you charge for this for a start - that’ll help motivate him to pass his test.

I have three young adults at home. They earn between 27-42k.
They all pay £300. I view it as food, bills plus a contribution to the house.
I buy all the food, basic toiletries, give them a lot of lifts. They are all learning to drive and all save £1000 a month.
I could manage without but I am single and a middle earner and want to get the mortgage paid off before I retire. Ideally I will then be able to downsize so they can move out and I can give them a decent amount of deposit money.

If he is working full time he should be paying for getting to and from work as well as housekeeping and £50.00 sounds very little to me .
If you are in need of the money work out the actual cost of accommodating him .If you are just allowing him to live with you while he saves for uni or some other plan then I would probably only ask for a token amount eg £50.00 as you are doing.

How would he get to work if you couldn't take him?

It covers about 30% of the utilities ( c/tax, gas, electric, internet, water) they shop for themselves & do own laundry. They buy their own toiletries.

To be fair to my son - since starting his apprenticeship a year ago he is changing his life right around. Learning to drive, saving money for specific things like car/insurance/work tools. He was not the easiest of teenagers! Working alongside grownups has definitely had a positive impact on his attitude and how lucky he is. He is appreciative of everything that is done for him and he does more than his fair share at home.

I've told him when his apprenticeship finishes next year (and his wages go up) we will review the situation but I'm definitely not going to profit from him

How much is that as a proportion of what he earns? My dc is same age and is paid around £1600pm after deductions. He contributes £300 to the household and saves £5-600.

The £300 is a contribution to food and bills, with the main bit of this related to travel. Dc is a named driver on my car and he either drives to work or we drop him off depending on timings. He is also free to use the car on evenings and weekends. He puts the occasional tank of petrol in. My insurance is around £80 more with him on, and obviously we do a lot more miles/ wear and tear on the vehicle with two of us using it.

This feels fair to me. He is definitely a net beneficiary of our household as costs more then he is contributing. However he is also able to save and have a nice lifestyle. He pays for his own gym and subscriptions, and tends to eat most meals with us. He buys his lunches occasionally when he's at work. Overall it's a good balance and if he were to take on a monthly car payment, or rent and bills I think he'd be well placed to manage it.

If my children were living at home and had their own income, whether that was from work or benefits, I would be expecting them to pay a percentage of all costs. Mortgage/rent, utilities, water, food unless they buy their own. I would be expecting them to pay for their own phone, transport, shampoo etc. I would also be expecting them to do their fair share of cleaning etc.

I know this is the complete opposite of most parents - but my thinking is how on earth do we expect our children to learn about budgeting and to understand what real life costs unless they have some experience of that? It's still going to be cheaper than having their own place (and if it wasn't then I would reduce the percentage to make sure it was).

So many young people expect to have so much and feel that they are entitled to have so much without working for it. It is a huge shock when they realise they can't have it all. Yes - I would want my children to be safe and comfortable - but I also feel that learning life skills is essential.

My daughter (23) earns around same as me. She pays me £300 towards her share of rent and utilities. She sometimes eats here and sometimes gets her own food.

I currently get UC top ups for my younger two and told my 18yo once she leaves education she will need to pay house keeping. I'm a single parent and can't pay the bills on just my earnings alone so their contribution is essential as I can't support them once UC stops for them.

I wouldn't take too much notice of what others do. There's a lot of affluent people on here who can fully support adult DC and allow them to spend all their money on luxuries.

It sounds like you are a single parent? So as far as him 'covering his costs' rather than profiting from him being there, think about what you won't have to pay for when he leaves home, so he should be giving money to you for the following (or he should pay for it himself) as a minimum

food
all his travel/car running costs
contribution towards utilities for extra showers, washing, extra cooking if you're cooking him 'man meals' when you'd have something lighter
his mobile and any TV subscriptions etc that he wants and you don't
2nd adult council tax
his clothes/hobbies/socialising etc

You could argue that he's also costing you for his room - if he didn't live there you could get a lodger or downsize, but it's up to you whether you include that. But then you may benefit if he helps around the house - does he do his share of cooking, washing, cleaning, gardening, DIY etc?

@Anotherloverholeinyohead

It's si speficic to each child.

Your situation sounds fine, he's learning to be responsible and value money, he's grateful etc.
Review it after the apprenticeship finishes unless you need a little more?.. If you need more explain why show your books.

I think being kind and transparent is key here. Some teens /young adults need more time to understand about money and bills. It's not something they just get. B

We are trying to build this in from a young age, dd sees my wage and my monthly list of where money goes.
I was never privy to family accounts!

If I could afford it I think 150/ 200 is decent amount for them to save have some fun.
If I needs more I need more...

If child was spending lots and saving nothing I would up the rent abd secretly put some by for them.

My ds gives me £200 plus pays for petrol as he has some very early work shifts when there is no public transport. He also does some top up food shops. He could afford more, and would if I asked, but I’m happy with this arrangement.
£150 is definitely a piss take!

There are basically two schools of thought on housekeeping or board money as it used to be termed.

The first is that it’s genuinely designed to mimic living independently on some levels and so must be a high enough figure and can include withdrawal of some services traditionally supplied by parents - lifts, meals or whatever.

The other is to ask a token (but not too token) sum so that they can save to move out. Plus ask to contribute to chores.

My eldest is 25, unemployed due to autism and gets UC and PIP. I make him pay £170 a month into his SIPP. He will buy any food he wants specifically and takes care of his own phone contract. I will ask him to fill the petrol tank every now and again as he doesn't use the car too much.

My daughter and son in law have been living with us for a few months now. They have a very different and strict diet from my husband and I, and so buy all their own food, and their own toiletries. I don't take any money off them because the financial impact of them living here is really minimal.

my 20 year old son contributes £300 a month to the household pot when he is here (student)

He runs his own car, pays own phone, haircuts, clothes etc. When he is at work he buys his lunch, otherwise he has whatever is in the fridge.

He still comes on holiday with me but is taking on more of the costs eg he gave me £200 towards the cost of a £950 holiday and will pay for the petrol.

Mine pays what it costs me extra for her living there

The lost council tax reduction
Food
Very small amount for water etc.

If she was saving for a deposit AND I could afford it, I'd change her nothing.

My disabled daughter and I approached this differently, as she is a very long way from being able to live independently. However she did not want to live at Mum's. So at her new house, we pay the same percentage of our income each into the household bill pot, as you would if you lived with a partner. We therefore share the house.
With my older children who worked, I used to have 15% of their take home pay. Single parent and poor so couldn't do anything else.