Feeling guilty I don’t have savings pots for my children

[Boohoo123456]

I feel I’ve failed my kids as I don’t have the means to save much for their financial future.

everyone around me has multiple accounts.

i have a small saving account which I try and stash some in for my eldest and then will do same for my youngest… but it’s also an emergency / holiday account so dip in and out of it.

We just don’t Have the means to squirrel away large amounts of money.

we do however own our own property worth 400k. This is all we have… but for a family of four (two house deposits and two pensions) is not really enough.

i feel like a shit parent.

i feel like nothing I can do is enough.

if I work I’m neglecting their emotional needs and if I don’t work then all our future is fucked.

AIBU?

What do you mean by 'two house deposits and two pensions'? Are you wanting to provide both of those for your children?

That's very ambitious and way beyond what your average person can afford to do.

I'm saving for my children what I can, mostly to support them through university/car/money towards deposits and whatever else they want to do.

But it's not thousands. I could save more, but me and DH decided we would rather spend on nice holidays etc and enjoy our lives now.

FWIW neither of us has ever received any financial support from our parents and have provided a much more affluent lifestyle for our children than we had ourselves.

Anyway my point is do what you can and don't stress!

YABU insofar as you are being too hard on yourself. You most certainly have not failed them. Not everyone has the means to set their kids up financially. It is more important to have a good work ethic, confidence, manners and the ability to advocate for yourself. They will be successful on their own merit if you give them the tools they need to navigate life's ups and downs. A parent's love is way more important than money.

Basically the 400k house we own will eventually be split to help them with house deposits and whatever they need in their future as it’s a lot harder for them than it has been for our generation…. And then whatever is left will be our pension. No we arnt saving a pension for them although it appears a lot of parents do. Another thing to feel guilty about

There are absolutely loads of things you can do to save them money if you can't physically give them money.

1. Teach them to drive yourself.

I've just done that and it's so much cheaper than proper lessons.

1. Childcare is a huge one.

So whatever you could do. Eg you have the kids on a Monday for them and you still work full time compressed hrs Tuesday- Friday. Or whatever works for you all at the time. There are a million things you could do to help with childcare. You could teach their kids to swim to save money on lessons. When they are teens/ young people you can pick them up from places late at night to save money on taxis/ Ubers. You can always drop them/ pick them up from the airport. I could go on and on but basically you can save them thousands and thousands of pounds on an ongoing basis just by being helpful in whatever way you can. So you would be helping them financially but not by handing over a deposit.

Basically the 400k house we own will eventually be split to help them with house deposits and whatever they need in their future as it’s a lot harder for them than it has been for our generation….

Is the house the one you live in now? Where do you hope to live when the house is sold to fund your pension and their house deposits? What ages are the children? What age are you and your DH? ?

Or is rhis an investment property that will be their house deposits and your pension?

Hang on OP if you sell your house for ensuing money what do you live in?

You don't say how old everyone is a LOT can change in 10 years if your kids are say 3 years old.

Even if you do sell the house a £200k pension invested gives £8k a year in total between you.

It sounds like you might benefit from some work. Even just part time.

You are more likely to fail your kids by worrying about what you aren't giving them in the future than what you are giving them now.

And start a pension fund between you just £100 a month will grow, more than any other savings.

Relax it's not that bad.

We would downsize and then whatever left would be house deposits and pension

We would downsize and then whatever left would be house deposits and pension

Honestly, 400K is not enough to do all of that. How much are small two bed houses in your area?

Its a lovely hope/wishful thinking to give your kids deposits for their first home but I’m not sure it’s realistic. How do you decide how much to give each child because it’s likely they will get a cash sum rather than a deposit if eg one decides to live in Durham and the other decides to live in London. Or if one travels abroad and the other is a permanent student?

What happens if you or your DH have health issues?

I would say keep your house or downsize to a three bed so your children always have somewhere they are welcome to call home. Be supportive. Don’t judge their choices. You can offer them so much. It doesn’t have to be financial to make a huge difference to their lives.

I recommend a discretionary trust , as it will enable you to control the assets & safeguard them against spendthrift children & grandchildren .

I recommend a discretionary trust , as it will enable you to control the assets & safeguard them against spendthrift children & grandchildren .

DC all have enough for driving lessons. The rest they can save up for themselves.

Are they loved? Are they fed, watered and entertained?

I haven’t had either money or help from my parents. I don’t care about the money, but wanting to help at least a little would mean a lot.

My mum died recently. She didn't own property and left me nothing.

She spent her life looking to me to solve her problems

Seriously does parenting now extend to saving for your kids retirement as well as yours? Are your kids not going to get jobs?

Op how old are your dc?
You don't need to squirrel away large amounts.

Separate what you already save for Xmas.

But their ages matter! 18 years old and of course it's harder to save but 11, you've got loads of time.

I've been a loving supportive parent who gives their children their last penny. But as a single parent that's me very been much.

They're all doing really well, and O am not a shit parent!

@Boohoo123456 how old

11 and newborn x

I think you're being ambitious to assume £400k will pay for a smaller house for you, 2 house deposits AND a pension. £400k alone would be an average sized pension (which would amount to about £16k a year).
I would lower your expectations. FWIW we do save for our kids and expect to be able to give them each £15k when they're 18 which will fund driving lessons and car or maybe some travel. And we will support them best we can through uni. We pay school fees.
House deposits aren't even in my thoughts unless inheritance comes into play but that's not a guarantee for either of us.

Op that's plenty of time!!

How much can you put away each money realistically

Could you so say 5 for baby each month and 10 for years old or even 5 baby and 15, 11 year old?

Most people don't have savings pots for their kids.

I don't and I certainly don't feel like I failed mine. He can get a job and save up himself, like I did. He'll have a roof over his head here for as long as he needs if he wants to save up to buy a house. My mum had no savings for me either, that's life for pretty much everyone working in average and low paid jobs.

The only thing you really need to be thinking about saving for is your own retirement and then possibly university funds. Depending on your household income your children may only qualify for the minimum maintenance loan which means that most students need money to fund accommodation (average £7-8kish a year outside of London). Lots of people don't realise this.

I think you are being a bit hard on yourself here and don't compare your own position with the position others are in. My children funded themselves through Uni by working (when they could) alongside their studies. They also had a student loan. We have helped our eldest with a flat deposit but to enable that my Mam died so it was my inheritance that helped with that.

Circumstances can change at any time and you don't know what position you will in a few years down the line. As for the value and equity of your property, you may need that yourself for care needs. Inheritance is only there when the living the person that leaves the money didn't need or use it.

Enjoy your little ones in the 'now' time and try not to worry about the future too much x

@Boohoo123456...

How much can you realistically save each month.

I'm hoping it's a minimum of 20 a month which I would do 5 for baby and 15 for 11 year old.

For ease, look at hargreve and lansdowne jisa.

Junior stocks and shares isa.

I think the minimum opening balance is 100 but double check.

Minium payments are usually 25 per month.
But you can just save up the 15 and put it in when you have enough.

Look at funds like hscb world global or vanguard global equity.

And start to save.

I opened up something similar at the beginning of May op with 100 for my dc and it's already 2 pounds up.

On their other junior isa accounts stock and shares its over all making 28%interest.

I have a spread of different investment.

The biggest enemy to saving is procrastination.

So look at getting a junior isa stocks and shares open and work out what you can afford.
If they get bday and Xmas money.. Say 50..I would then put 30 into junior isa stocks and shares and 20 into a cash isa.

If you are able to start this ASAP your 11 year old s money has a very decent 7 years to grow! The babys will have loads of time to grow n

In the last labour government they gave each child 250.
A thread came out a while ago about what happened to the money as lots of those babies had hit 18.
Some people didn't do anything and their dc got 250
Some people had it in cash and regularly added and their dc got about 12 / 15 grand.

People who put it into decent stocks and shares funds... And added were into the 20s and 30 thousand.

If they put it into stocks and added only a very little it wood be around 10 grand.

Normal accounts cannot compete with the stock market and contrary to your "we can't afford to put large amounts in".. You can start now with tiny amounts because time... Is on your side.

When we first started op I saved 2 pounds a week into sealed tin that you had to open with a can opener.
2 pounds a week for Xmas and bday and in a another tin savings.

One year we did very little to catch up.

But after a year even though we had ridiculous small amounts of money, it was still free money we didn't have before and that we didn't need to for anything else... Which then in turn meant.. Our wages didn't take a big hit at Xmas and bday and we became mote stable.

Start now!!