“Babes in arms” - what age would you say this is?

[SteakSteak]

We’ve got a wedding invite for this summer addressed to just me and DH. Obviously is just us and not our DC - more than happy with that. However, DC2 is 8 months old (will be 9.5mo at the wedding) is absolutely refusing a bottle.

what age would you deem ‘babes in arms’?

so not to drip feed:
To add to the faff - DC2 has CMPA so we’re trying to introduce special formula.

DH and I are also on holiday at the time of the wedding. We’re flying back and meant to be leaving both kids with family members aboard. I’ve no issue - other than she’s refusing a bottle. If I had to bring her, just wondering if I could. Although I would feel terrible leaving our toddler.

Obviously, I know the answer is to ask but just wanted to gauge opinions before going through all of it, if it becomes a non-issue.

I really don’t think it’s personal and you should be getting so upset.

I think the more important question is whether your baby is invited or not?

I’d say under 1, but just ask them surely?

Less than six months for me, but it's a vague idea

I agree with this. It’s basically an immobile child. I would say upto 4 months. Not a wriggly, squirmy baby who wants to roll around or play. It means happy to be held in arms ie newborn.

I can’t tell from your OP whether babes in arms are even invited or not but surely the fact your children’s names have been omitted from the invite is the decider here.

Yeah this.. although the last wedding we went to there was a family at our table with a baby who was screaming through the speeches. It was being recorded for the wedding video and the father of the bride stopped his speech and asked them to either remove the baby whilst the speeches were on or just leave the entire wedding because they were so disrespectful. I'm talking 3 speeches she cried through.

It’s pre-moving, pre-needing a highchair. So babies young enough that they can be strapped to you basically throughout the ceremony, reception and meal and they don’t need a crawling/playing area, don’t need a highchair and food. Generally that’s under 6 months as most babies are sitting in high chairs, being fed and wanting to play by 6 months.

Babes in arms would be babies under one who cannot be left due to not eating food other than breast milk from the breast and needing their parent every few hours for existance..

That’s just being disrespectful regardless of age though. A child of any age should be taken out if making noise during the speeches or ceremony.

Id say that at almost 6 months my baby is no longer a babe in arms, he would need to be put down to play during the day as he’d get bored and grizzly being carried all day, and would need a highchair and to be fed during the meal or again he’d get grizzly being held during the meal and speeches. At that age they aren’t sleepy newborns anymore and need entertaining and space to roll about and play.

This.

If you have a young mobile baby, then they can still be babes in arms if they can be held with no desire to get up, be on the floor, move around.

So it’ll depend on baby but maybe up to 4-5 months.

Our wedding venue (and the Covid restrictions when they were in place) defined them as under 3 months and unable to move independently.

Do you actually want to go to the wedding? Because you have valid reasons to decline

Under 6 months. Either non mobile or barely mobile, not eating food so doesn’t require anything like a highchair or a meal, definitely won’t be crawling or toddling anywhere. Definitely doesn’t apply to a 9.5MO.

Wow, were they embarrassed at being asked?

Have they actually said babes in arms are invited? Or have you assumed?

A ten or eleven month old won’t be exclusively breastfeeding as they’ll be eating 3 meals a day by that age, will be crawling and may even be toddling/cruising around and will need a highchair. Definitely not babes in arms.

Most parents know their baby enough to know if the baby can tolerate a baby sitter and they'd also respect that "no child" weddings means one tries very hard not to bring any young baby over six months. There could be a few babies who qualify over six months; it depends on the baby.

No food nor high chair would be supplied.

Noisy children, regardless of age, should be removed from a quiet adult space where people are listening.

Non-mobile. Literally ‘in arms’. The age of that depends on the child.

But really, just ask them. Explain the bottle refusal and that you’d love to leave them but can’t.

@SBHon no they were upset because they were enjoying the speeches

I had a delayed niece who only drank breast milk until nine months and was not walking. Her parents had to adjust and bring her along to babe in arms occasions though they were very consious of removing themselves if ever she wriggled too much.
And then there are four month olds who drink from a bottle and attend eight hours of child care with no worries.
It is a flexible catagory.

Under 6 months for sure

If the invite doesn't say 'babes in arms' it's all irrelevant. We went to a wedding when DD2 was 4 weeks old and although we asked, were not allowed to bring her.

Just a reminder that milk is a baby's main source of nutrition under one year of age and that breastfeeding mothers who are separated from their baby for sustained periods can be at risk of mastitis even if their baby's needs can be temporarily / mostly met through food.

There are some babies consistently eating three hefty meals at 10 months old. Other babies aged 10 months might still be having days where they refuse everything but breastmilk who will be absolutely miserable without mum for a day if that isn't their usual routine. There are some babies crawling confidently at 6 months but other normal babies not crawling until 12 months.

I would say a babe in arms is a baby happy to be held all day that cannot walk or cruise. Probably up to 12 months old at a maximum but for most babies they're growing out of the passive being held phase by around 6-9 months. The most straightforward thing would be to ask the bride and groom.