Who pays what?

[MotherOfOlafs]

Couple A have a voucher for a very nice seafood restaurant that was given to them as a gift, it’s for £100. They want to treat themselves to a platter for £75 because why not.

Couple A have invited good friends couple B to join them. Couple A will pay for their own food and put the rest towards whatever couple B order, so around £15-20 after accounting for soft drinks.

Couple B have asked if couple A will use the voucher then whatever is left to pay is split between both couples equally.

Couple A think that on one hand it’s their voucher so their items are covered, but on the other hand they did invite couple B to join them.

Which is the best option?

The proper rule is that who invites pays.

So strictly speaking, couple A picks up the tab for everything, even if it is more than their voucher.

If it’s a case of “want to meet for dinner?” then you don’t have to pay, but you do have to be flexible on venue.

So all things considered I think it’s
A) Couple A go by themselves. Have the platter and pudding to make sure all the money is spent.
B) Stick to original plan but it’s £100 off the bill and split down the middle. This is a bit of a bodge compromise but could work if everyone is grown up enough.
C) Couple A shoukd say “let’s start again, we should go for a meal, I think we’ll let you choose where” and split down the middle.

Not very polite to say “come and watch us eat a free meal, whilst you pay” even if it is with a discount.

The voucher belongs to couple A, and so it is simply their method of payment. The fact they have a voucher which means they’re selecting an expensive item would be why they have declared they have a voucher - so couple B don’t feel uncomfortable.

If I were couple B I would never expect my friends to subsidise my meal out. In fact, if their total bill came to £75, I’d give them the £25 and the restaurant could have the difference between the voucher and the total.

Anyway, I hate vouchers. It’s wild to me that you exchange cash, that can be spent anywhere, for a promise of a value with a specific restaurant or shop who might ultimately go bust before you spend it. So strange.

Wouldn’t make any difference to me what voucher, I only mentioned Tesco because that’s what I had last time. If I invite people, and I have a voucher, it would come off the total bill before split, have done the same at miller and Carter with gift vouchers.

I agree that couple B are CF expecting anyone to pay or contribute to the cost of your meal is so bloody rude. I would not allow my friends to pay for our meal with a voucher they received.
When out, we pay for our adult children and their partners/friends or family. Maybe treat a friend on their birthday (or mine) but never expected!

Where is this the proper rule? Do you go out much?

Really bad idea to invite anyone else on this occasion, it was always going to lead to awkwardness. Couple A go alone and spend their whole voucher. They have dinner with couple B another time.

So you'd go out for dinner with another couple who have a voucher and give them an extra £25?.

This. Couple A shouldn't invite people to watch them have a freebie while they pay.

Why not just go to the restaurant by yourselves and enjoy your voucher?

I'd do this too, if the meal came to £150 - I'd give them £25 and pay the restaurant £50 - I see their voucher as their cash, I'd never expect friends to pay for my meal by vouchers or cash.

Rather than them share some of their gift with you?

@Photoontheshelf Google is free. So are manners.

Yes - I would not expect them to, it's their gift not mine.

I understand why you'd pay for your meal, but I don't know why you'd pay £25 extra for another couple who have a free gift? I don't get it. Anyway, your money.

Google tells you that when friends invite you to dinner you don't need to pay? I'm guessing you don't eat out much.

The couple have a £100 voucher. Meal comes to £150, we'd spilt it - I'd put £75 on the plate - they'd put their voucher on the plate and lift £25 off the plate. I really don't understand why that's controversial - I wouldn't claim any part of that voucher. I don't expect anyone to pay for my meal.

Yes it does.

However, my knowledge of that piece of social etiquette predates Google.

I have followed this rule, as both host and guest, in literally hundreds of establishments, from greasy spoon cafes to Michelin starred restaurants.

If you arrange to meet for a meal, that is different, but if you invite someone, you pay.

Your money, your choice.
I'd think that the couple lifting the £25 were CFs though.

How does that work though - what's the difference? Do you tell them ahead of time that it's your treat? Because it is not commonplace for people to pay for your dinner. I pay for a friend's lunch sometimes but it's a what-the-hell treat - I wouldn't even recall who arranged or suggested it.

Interesting how people see these things - I wouldn't be bothered at all.

We're all different. No right or wrong here.

I find your response snippy and rude - surprising for someone who thinks they are well versed in manners - would you respond to someone like this in real life?

One way is to say “my treat” yes. It basically comes down to how you word it.

If you say “I’d love to go to X, would you like to join me?” then that’s an invite and you could make it clearer by adding “my treat of course” at the end.

If you say “want to meet for dinner ?” that’s more on the meeting for dinner end of the scale.

I’d also factor in who chooses the place. If you are dead set on a particular place you’re more in inviting territory, whereas if you’re open to suggestion:you make a joint decision it’s more meeting. Unless of course you are doing something like taking someone out for an occasion and you ask them to choose the place.

The point is kind of never to embarrass someone, so they need to turn you down because they can’t afford to eat out or to eat at a certain place.

In established friendships you make your own rules a bit more, like take things turnabout and so on.

I have had points in my life it was very commonplace for people to pay for my lunch/dinner etc. I don’t mean when dating.

I believe your question to me was “Don’ you go out much?“

And then you are surprised to get an arch response.

If someone was that rude to me IRL I’d either walk away or I’d tell them to choke.

You’ll notice where you spoke to me more civilly, you got a more civil response.

You are a delight!