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Original poster

DH constantly having naps and it’s driving me mad.

66 replies

ChangeTheProphecy · 27/05/2024 22:03

DH has always been a napper, I can’t really sleep in the day time so don’t know if this is clouding my judgement. On weekends or days he isn’t working (he’s part time) he will go to sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon and it infuriates me because it just feels so lazy. The DC and I are downstairs getting on with life and he’s snoring away upstairs. Is this normal?

OP posts:

wendycupcakes · 28/05/2024 09:36

I love a nap and have one when i want or when i can.
My 2 children have naps sometimes. But on the weekends they dont wake until gone 2 in the afternoon sometimes.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 28/05/2024 10:08

Why is he not working full time?

WoodBurningStov · 28/05/2024 10:18

Sounds like it's less about the naps and more about him being a lazy twat

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GingerPirate · 28/05/2024 10:47

He seems to get on your nerves, OP.
OK, my husband is three decades older, does more than his fair share, no kids, retired.
He falls asleep anywhere you put him, including a bath.
As long as he doesn't drown (he's too big to slip down, anyway) I really don't care.
Married for 20 years.
In my opinion, trying to change your DH's habit would not be welcome by him! (Poor lamb,
I know).
Is he in your way, do the kids have to be quiet, why do you mind? Use the time for yourself!
😁

Isitisit · 28/05/2024 10:51

DH is a napped. Agree with others that the napping isn’t a problem but laziness is.

DH will be wiped out and annoying me because he’s not getting anything done. If he takes even a 10-15 minute nap, it restores him and then he cracks on with things. I’d much rather he just naps when he needs it.

TuesdayWhistler · 28/05/2024 10:57

And you're with him because?

DullFanFiction · 29/05/2024 17:43

@ChangeTheProphecy your issue isn’t the naps. It’s the fact he is taking you for granted and isn’t pulling his weight.

You need to deal with that rather than focusing on the naps.

Catpuss66 · 29/05/2024 17:51

TomatoSandwiches · 27/05/2024 22:38

Do you think there's an underlying health problem?

I was a shift worker couldn’t cope with earlies, up at 05.30 out the house by 06.15 good 1 1/2 hrs commute. Always came home & had a sleep unless picking up friends children from nursery. 30+ years of that turns out I had an autoimmune problem fatigue being one of the symptoms.

Mrsdyna · 29/05/2024 17:59

I wish I could nap in the day, I love it. It resets my mindset but sadly I've lost the ability 😔

CrayonCritic5 · 29/05/2024 22:47

Yeh I’d say it sounds like the naps aren’t the real problem here. As far as naps go if you need the sleep, you need it. People aren’t built the same, some people aren’t as healthy or robust and need the rest. I’d let him have the naps but focus on equal input around them.

WoodBurningStov · 29/05/2024 23:41

I'm a napper and I love it. The difference is I work full time and do 50% of all housework, admin and child stuff. My naps fit in and around my family and not the other way around.

I think naps are the least of your problems op

NewName24 · 30/05/2024 00:24

do all the cooking, all the washing, most of the school runs, most of the cleaning. He just does what he wants and takes himself out of family time.

This ^ is the issue you need to address.

Having a nap isn't an issue for most people. Not pulling your weight is an issue.

Navyontop · 30/05/2024 14:54

ChangeTheProphecy · 27/05/2024 22:31

I actually wouldn’t even care if he wasn’t pulling his weight, what I care about is the constant negativity and when he tires himself out complaining about how hard done by he is, he then goes for a nap. It’s like living with an angry toddler

It sounds like he might be a bit depressed. There could be several contributing factors, or he could just be opting out as a coping mechanism.
Co-parenting with someone who is depressed and refuses to do anything about it or acknowledge it, breeds resentment.
Id raise the issue directly, I’d also take that time back later. Let him take the two hour nap and then when he wakes, be prepared to leave the house to do a task or activity alone. Do this every single time you can.

totallyadhd · 30/05/2024 19:07

ChangeTheProphecy · 27/05/2024 22:31

Is your husband my ex 🤣! Just kidding he still lives with me unfortunately. But pretty sure he left me because he fancied my best mate. Now I wish I’d had a go at him for his napping and grumpiness. Was not worth it and somehow I’m to blame for everything. Get him to pull his weight! Have you had a conversation with him about it before? What does he say? Also is he depressed? I know my ex was / is, took him a long time to realise it’s not normal to be so uptight all the time.

FizzyStream · 30/05/2024 19:55

I love a good nap. I'm up at 5am every day so love a little nap in the afternoons when I'm not working.
It sounds like it's the opting out of family / household life that's the problem rather than the napping itself.

LBFseBrom · 23/07/2024 13:47

I love naps. My husband always napped at home and it didn't bother me, he did plenty when he was awake.

Some people are just like that.

However, he could be depressed or could have an under-active thyroid. It might be worth him checking out the latter, it would show up on a blood test.

Regarding him waking you up at the crack of dawn with tossing and turning, have you considered separate beds - or rooms? I certainly would.

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