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Original poster

DH constantly having naps and it’s driving me mad.

66 replies

ChangeTheProphecy · 27/05/2024 22:03

DH has always been a napper, I can’t really sleep in the day time so don’t know if this is clouding my judgement. On weekends or days he isn’t working (he’s part time) he will go to sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon and it infuriates me because it just feels so lazy. The DC and I are downstairs getting on with life and he’s snoring away upstairs. Is this normal?

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 28/05/2024 00:59

I’m a big napper. I take a nap on Sat and Sun for 1-2 hours. I get crabby and Lethargic without one. However I make sure all needs to be done around the house either before or after the nap.

novocaine4thesoul · 28/05/2024 01:11

Also a napper, as long as you really pull your weight the rest of the time, it should be OK. Mind I think naps of over an hour mess you up.

Babadook76 · 28/05/2024 01:21

So he’s up at 5am due to his work schedule and gets sleepy in the afternoons, and that’s unacceptable. You want to lie in for hours after he’s awake in the mornings and can’t go without an afternoon sleep despite the hours loss of rest in the morning, and that’s allowed?

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BananaSpanner · 28/05/2024 01:31

DH and I both love a nap on weekends, not at the same time. We both pull our weight around the house though.
You’re problem isn’t so much the nap (although 2 hours per day each weekend is a lot) it’s the fact that he works less hours than you but you do so much more around the house and then he is resting more.

unsync · 28/05/2024 04:33

If his night time sleep is disturbed and he snores, he may have sleep apnoea. This is a significant health issue.

OmuraWhale · 28/05/2024 04:40

My dad always had a nap at weekends. Now he's retired so he has one every day! But he always worked hard and pulled his weight in the house and looking after me and my brother.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/05/2024 05:10

He's a lazy part timer.

Naps are great but he's not.

Josette77 · 28/05/2024 05:15

I love a good afternoon nap!

I'm a night owl and a morning bird. I sleep best in the afternoon. Lol

DuploTrain · 28/05/2024 05:18

If he wakes up at 5 he should get up and go downstairs (quietly). Not toss and turn and disturb your sleep.

Napping sounds like a nice convenient way to opt out of family life. How would he react if you went off for a couple of hours and left him with the DC at weekends?

Octavia64 · 28/05/2024 05:20

Your issue is him not pulling his weight, not the naps although it does sound like he uses them to get out of stuff.

Can you schedule a conversation where you renegotiate who does what? If he's naturally awake later maybe he could do bath and bedtime?

Soontobe60 · 28/05/2024 05:54

ChangeTheProphecy · 27/05/2024 22:11

DH does work hard but so do I. He’s part time in a physical job, I’m full time in a desk job. I do all the cooking, all the washing, most of the school runs, most of the cleaning. He just does what he wants and takes himself out of family time. The DC this afternoon were desperate to show him an activity they had been working on and he just skulks upstairs and goes to bed. He then went to bed this evening at 9 and I know he’s now going to wake at 5, lie there tossing and turning so I get woken up and then get annoyed when I get cross with him. Apparently it’s normal to wake at 6 and everyone gets up for work at that time.

It is fairly normal to wake at 6 though. Especially in summer.
I love an afternoon nap - often my DH will say ‘is it nap time’ because he can see when I’m getting cranky 😂

Lovemybunnies · 28/05/2024 06:01

My DH works very long intense hours in the week and then can nap 2 or 3 times a day on the weekend, however he wakes up early, gets up and walks the dog and does other household jobs before his naps and they don’t interfere with family activities. If I do get irritated he reminds me that he works very hard in the week so that he can get home at a reasonable time but it has an impact on him. It sounds like your DH has just got himself into a bad rhythm and needs to reset but doesn’t want to. Is that fair?

Beaverbridge · 28/05/2024 06:08

No sorry that would drive me insane. Napping like overgrown toddlers. Sounds like a lazy man to me, why the hell should OP have to do everything in the home.

Kit543 · 28/05/2024 06:41

ChangeTheProphecy · 27/05/2024 22:03

DH has always been a napper, I can’t really sleep in the day time so don’t know if this is clouding my judgement. On weekends or days he isn’t working (he’s part time) he will go to sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon and it infuriates me because it just feels so lazy. The DC and I are downstairs getting on with life and he’s snoring away upstairs. Is this normal?

Sounds like you need to set up a shift system rather than resent him for his naps, perhaps he has kids for 2 hours in the morning while you also get some free time?

AxolotlEars · 28/05/2024 07:14

You have more problems than your husband having a nap but when was the last time he had any sort of check with the GP? Does he have sleep apnea? Type 2 diabetes makes you tired

fieldsofbutterflies · 28/05/2024 07:17

As always, you have a DH problem.

Naps are absolutely fine so long as you pull your weight otherwise and don't always leave the other parent to pick up your slack.

Apollo365 · 28/05/2024 07:36

My husband and I have an unwritten rule. He gets the lie in (I don’t do lie in) and I get an afternoon nap.

WoodBurningStov · 28/05/2024 07:42

fieldsofbutterflies · 28/05/2024 07:17

As always, you have a DH problem.

Naps are absolutely fine so long as you pull your weight otherwise and don't always leave the other parent to pick up your slack.

This!

SpringerFall · 28/05/2024 07:43

we are busy in the mornings on the weekend and we all do what we want in the afternoons, if DH sleeps it does not affect me

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/05/2024 07:44

What is the point of him working part time if you are having to do all the housework? I wouldn't be having that!

SandysMam · 28/05/2024 07:46

Napping in the day was a huge symptom of my kidney failure. He needs a full panel of bloods before you decide whether he is lazy or not,

Crunchymum · 28/05/2024 08:00

Does he consult you about these naps?

How often are we talking?

Why does the lions share of all the home graft fall to you?

What does he do with the kids / around the house?

He sounds like a lazy, selfish, over indulged, petulant man child and unless he has some seriously redeeming qualities I'd be reconsidering the whole relationship.

He literally and metaphorically just checks out of family life as and when he pleases and that isn't fair (or normal)

LizzieBennett73 · 28/05/2024 08:07

DH is a napper... to the extent that he's now permanently in the spare room as he doesn't sleep at night. He fell asleep 4 times during the day yesterday, including when we had a room full of visitors. Drives me absolutely batshit and we've had so many rows over it. I made him go to our GP a few years ago over it, and the GP recommended a week of sleeping tablets so he could introduce better "sleep hygiene" but DH refused to try it. He's permanently exhausted but he's the only one who can change it.

Baseline14 · 28/05/2024 08:28

I have a DH who is a napper and it does drive me mad. I think there is an element of an underlying health condition but he also comes from a family of nappers and DS who is now nearly 5 will often take himself off for a nap which I would say is fairly unusual at that age. I work nights so often drift off on the couch at tea time but this is a whole other event, he can be out for hours.

AngeloMysterioso · 28/05/2024 08:50

I have an underactive thyroid.

I wish I could have naps. Unfortunately I have children.

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