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Original poster

In law shoving me

31 replies

Lookingforadv · 27/05/2024 01:16

I’d really like some opinions please as my family and friends are supporting me but my husband blames me.

A long story short but I asked my mother in law to pick up my husband and his brother who were both alcohol fuelled and still drinking beers from our house as we were expecting guests at the house. Baring in mind, the brother still lives at home with the mum at 34 and she always gives them lifts. Once they had found this out, the brother enters the house and I ask him what he would like as I’m cleaning ready for our guests. He said ‘who the fuck do you think you are chucking my brother out of his own house’ to which I responded ‘I asked your mum to pick you both up so you can carry on drinking at hers, my husband can have a shower there then walk home and sober up for our guests arriving’ he then walks towards me and I ask again what he would like as I’ve mopped the floor. I told him to stay where he was and I’d get the beers out of the fridge for him as I knew that’s what he wanted. He said ‘you can’t stop me, I’ll go wherever the fuck I want to go in this house’ and came up chest to chest with me shoving me back towards the fridge. Pushed past me with his arm to get his beers and slammed the door. That’s when I shouted ‘what the fuck are you doing’ Obviously the story carries on and my husband gets involved and tells me not to speak to his brother like that not knowing what had just happened.

once they left I barricaded the back gate, shut the windows and locked all the doors keeping the keys in so i knew they couldn’t be opened from the outside. I felt and still feel threatened and scared for myself and my baby who was upstairs at the time. Im up crying through the night thinking about what had happened and bring my baby into bed with me so I can protect him but also because I need someone with me too. I cannot ever imagine allowing the brother back into my house or being in a social situation. If he does apologise I don’t think I could accept the apology either.

im not sure if I’m overreacting as I did have my baby 6 months ago so it could be my hormones or if I’m well within my right to feel how I’m feeling?

OP posts:

thanKyouaIMee · 27/05/2024 01:23

Your BIL was unnecessarily aggressive, both verbally and physically.

I wouldn't be having him in the house again and would be expecting DH to have your side in this when you explain what has happened.

Summerhillsquare · 27/05/2024 01:28

He assaulted you, so you can ring the police.

Codlingmoths · 27/05/2024 01:37

You are not overreacting. I think you should pick up the phone and call the police. It will help make it very clear this isn’t ok and your brother in law does not come back to your house.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2024 01:41

Your brother-in-law should be arrested and your husband is fucking useless. It's obvious that alcohol is a massive problem in your relationship, because none of this is normal.

You should be running for your life away from these people. Call the police and report the assault.

AnotherDelphinium · 27/05/2024 01:52

Another vote for calling the police.

To be assaulted in your own home is absolutely disgusting and for your husband to not stand up for you? That’s horrendous too!

OriginalUsername2 · 27/05/2024 01:58

Common assault: when someone uses force, such as pushing or slapping, or makes threats of violence.

You can report this.

OriginalUsername2 · 27/05/2024 02:00

And don't be guilted out of it. We have to stop men doing this shit. It’s 2024, they’ve had enough time to learn the rules.

olympicsrock · 27/05/2024 02:51

You have a husband born into a family where alcohol and aggression are acceptable . The whole thing where he was boozing when you were working to prepare for guests in wrong.

MIL clearly facilitates and validates that this is ok. BIL is a lout who needs to apologise and demonstrate change to win back your trust is he wants to rebuild a relationship with you.

At the heart of this you have a major DH problem. He backed his brother over you, behaved badly and put you at risk of violence by the company he keeps. This would be a red line for me. If he doesn’t act against BIL and change his attitude towards alcohol , I would be ending the marriage. Sorry…

holidaydramalama · 27/05/2024 04:17

This is unacceptable behaviour and your dh should no this.

Why was your dh drinking to the point you had to call his mother to get him away? Especially when you have guests.

Why was he behaving this way with a baby in the house?

Why did he automatically side with his brother over you?

The brother would not set foot in my house again. And I would expect an apology.

I'd be questioning whether my dh is worth keeping if he's comfortable with his family members assaulting me. And gets hammered with a baby in the house.

Fraaahnces · 27/05/2024 04:42

Don’t let him back in unless he apologizes and genuinely takes responsibility for his behaviour. He is obviously an aggressive drunk, and needs to learn that he was a guest in YOUR home. I would also look at your relationship. Why TAF was your DH drinking while you were preparing for guests instead of helping you? Why should you be asking their mummy to collect them at all? Sounds like two misogynistic, entitled manchildren who need to grow the fuck up.

PBandJ111 · 27/05/2024 07:15

I hope he apologises after he’s had sobered up. Why was your dh drunk when you had guests coming? He sounds like a knob to say the least.

Keepthosenamesgoing · 27/05/2024 07:19

So absolutely BIL should not have shoved you. But I do find it odd that you called his mother to take your DH away?
Why couldn't you have said to DH, we've got visitors so time to stop drinking ? Why couldn't he have showered and sobered at home?
The dynamic here seems very odd indeed. Are you scared of your DH ?

Sunnysummer24 · 27/05/2024 07:19

There is obviously a huge back story if you need to ring MIL to collect DH like he is a naughty child. I’m not saying what BIL is acceptable but it sounds like your marriage is in crisis too.

2Old2Tango · 27/05/2024 07:26

Yeah, as above, you have bigger issues than your BIL. Your H was happy to get blasted with his brother while the mother of his 6 month old child cleaned for expected guests? That's a big no to start. Why weren't you able to say to your H that it's time to stop drinking now, or ask him to go elsewhere if he really had to continue. If your H is often drinking too much, or generally a misogynistic bastard, I'd be reconsidering the relationship because you're being treated appallingly.

MissyB1 · 27/05/2024 07:28

olympicsrock · 27/05/2024 02:51

You have a husband born into a family where alcohol and aggression are acceptable . The whole thing where he was boozing when you were working to prepare for guests in wrong.

MIL clearly facilitates and validates that this is ok. BIL is a lout who needs to apologise and demonstrate change to win back your trust is he wants to rebuild a relationship with you.

Agree. You’ve married into a family with alcohol problems, they sound really rough and stupid, sorry.

I would get rid of your Dh and cut all contact with that family, you can do better than this.

AsMyGranWouldSay · 27/05/2024 07:30

Your BiL is a just a symptom of a deeper issue with your H.

As pp have said, no-one should be drunk with a baby in the house and letting you do all the preparations for guest.

Grown men shouldn't need their Mummy to come and get them because they're too drunk.

No-one should be pushing you out of the way for any reason, least of all to get to beer.

Even without the shoving, THEY were disrespecting you in your own home.

Your dh is a disloyal, pathetic wuss, and that is being kind.

What a backward and aggressive mentality from both of them.

If this isn't enough for you to reconsider a relationship with this family then you need some outside support before you get stockhom syndrome.

This is how it starts, don't back down.

rwalker · 27/05/2024 07:36

The whole thing is such a strange set up

but all your actions were antagonistic I’m not keen on the word gas lighting but you should of left them alone or discussed it with them

but doesn’t sound like the weren’t causing a problem but with no discussion you rung the mum and decided they need to go to hers

as for the push I think you’d have to be there to get the full picture

Pickled21 · 27/05/2024 07:38

Speak to a family member or friends. I'd report this to the police and be prepared to ltb. If your dh can't stand up for you he isn't worth keeping.

ooooohnoooooo · 27/05/2024 07:49

rwalker · 27/05/2024 07:36

The whole thing is such a strange set up

but all your actions were antagonistic I’m not keen on the word gas lighting but you should of left them alone or discussed it with them

but doesn’t sound like the weren’t causing a problem but with no discussion you rung the mum and decided they need to go to hers

as for the push I think you’d have to be there to get the full picture

Wow.

A woman in her own home gets assaulted by a drunk man and she's at fault ?

Everyone deserves to be safe and secure in their own home, and no one has the right to treat them like that. Even if they were 'provocative' - which she clearly wasn't.

Ffs I despair of the low bar that some women have for themselves and others.

rwalker · 27/05/2024 08:09

ooooohnoooooo · 27/05/2024 07:49

Wow.

A woman in her own home gets assaulted by a drunk man and she's at fault ?

Everyone deserves to be safe and secure in their own home, and no one has the right to treat them like that. Even if they were 'provocative' - which she clearly wasn't.

Ffs I despair of the low bar that some women have for themselves and others.

Show quote history

As I clearly said you’d have to be there to offer anything about the push /shove

the words shove/push covers everything for being violently thrown to the floor to slightly moved Like when your trying to get past someone in a busy pub
I didn’t even comment on the shove incidents because it wasn’t clear what happened if he pushed her into the fridge I don’t understand why she then said he pushed past her to get to it
so that’s why I said nothing about it

HcbSS · 27/05/2024 08:14

Why on earth is your husband getting hammered in the house while there is a young baby there?

Viewfrommyhouse · 27/05/2024 08:18

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2024 01:41

Your brother-in-law should be arrested and your husband is fucking useless. It's obvious that alcohol is a massive problem in your relationship, because none of this is normal.

You should be running for your life away from these people. Call the police and report the assault.

This. Get away from them all, including your 'd'h.

RedHelenB · 27/05/2024 08:20

thanKyouaIMee · 27/05/2024 01:23

Your BIL was unnecessarily aggressive, both verbally and physically.

I wouldn't be having him in the house again and would be expecting DH to have your side in this when you explain what has happened.

This. But you're overreacting about it now, you're not in any danger nor is your child

SantaBarbaraMonica · 27/05/2024 08:49

rwalker · 27/05/2024 08:09

As I clearly said you’d have to be there to offer anything about the push /shove

Show quote history

You’re a disgrace. In what world is it ok to lay hands on a woman in her own home, even a ‘gentle shove’ like you seem to think is ok. At best I feel terribly sorry for you that you’ve probably been around a lot of physical violence but what the brother did was NOT normal or ok in any teeny tiny way. Not at all.

ooooohnoooooo · 27/05/2024 09:05

Yep. What @SantaBarbaraMonica said. 👏

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