I drink too much

[TheTwirlyPoos]

I'm not happy with my relationship with alcohol. Usually DH and I don't drink during the week so just Fri/Sat/Sun but I really, really look forward to it and I often end up having too much.

Is there anyway I can learn to moderate without having to go tee total? No one else would say I have a problem but Im not comfortable with the situation as it is.

How much do you drink?

It's good that it's contained to the weekend and you manage not to drink during the week.

How much do you drink, and how much does DH drink? Does he think you/him have a problem?

I was you and I had to stop completely- it’s not that bad! 😉

It's difficult to 'moderate without going teetotal'.

The best way I have found is to simply not have it in the house. It is much easier psychologically to go the whole way, than to try and find some middle ground.

I would cut it out completely for say a month - get used to life without it, and then gradually reintroduce. Maybe have it when you are out in pubs/ restaurants etc but not in the house.

Honestly op I am like you, sometimes would only be once or twice a week I drink but can never just have one or two. Really enjoyed it and looked forward to it but it was making me tired, anxious, affecting my sleep etc. I've tried to moderate in the past but it never lasts, I think you either have that off switch or you don't.

So I'm here trying to pack it in for good. I'm only 16 days in but it's already tough - but that's just reinforcing the fact to me that I did have a problem, I've actually been in tears a few nights just wanting a drink and that's made me more determined to stop this shit now and get free from it.

I give it up for lent most years fairly easily. It's just when I've had a drink I then think it's a good idea to have more.

Usually on a Friday we share a bottle of prosecco but then every now and again we will open (not finish) a second. Saturday maybe a couple of beers or half a bottle of wine and Sunday the same.

We are on hol at the moment with friends who tend to have their first drink about five pm and I've woken up feeling rubbish.

We also have two small children and zero help so I suppose having a drink at home has become my going out.

Half a bottle of wine on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday night does not sound like a lot. It’s about within national guidelines. If it is making you feel unwell then that’s a different matter, but objectively you are not drinking “too much” unless it is too much somehow for you.

Half a bottle of Prosecco is not a huge amount OP. If you want to reduce it because it's making you feel crap then absolutely do though. How about swapping the beers for alcohol free beer and/or opening a mini bottle of Prosecco instead and just having that. But if you're just feeling guilty because you feel you're out of control then you can probably let some of that worry go a bit.

Yeah with your second posts it doesn't sound like you are drinking too much tbh op unless it's making you feel like shit. From your original post it sounded like it was more but I guess its however you feel. You say you have no issue giving up for periods of time so I don't know what the issue is really :) if you want to stop you can stop and if you don't then don't, you're not drinking a really big amount

This really doesn't sound too much but if you feel it is, why don't you just buy what you want to consume? So maybe just go out on a Friday and buy one bottle of wine for the evening so you can't drink more than that?

I stopped for a year and then tried drinking in moderation but by then I felt better without it. Clear eyes, good skin, lost that bloated/ red/puffy look and a dress size. Sometimes I linger in the wine aisle but don’t buy anything unless for others.

@DrunkTinkerbell40s @Shiningout @supercalafragilisticexpealidocious

A person has posted they have concerns about their own drinking. It really isn't appropriate to say the amount is not much.

The issue is the OP has concerns about their relationship with alcohol.

People who do this need to reflect on whether it is helpful to minimise by focusing on amount not relationship.

I give it up for lent most years fairly easily. It's just when I've had a drink I then think it's a good idea to have more.

Is there anyway I can learn to moderate without having to go tee total? No one else would say I have a problem but Im not comfortable with the situation as it is.

having a drink at home has become my going out.

The question I have is what's the downside to being teetotal? The key expression in there is 'having to' - what stops you wanting to?

You describe being unhappy with your relationship with alcohol - maybe you need to think more about why you're drinking, what drinking symbolises for you, what you think of people who don't drink vs. people who do drink.

There are helpful threads discussing this in 'Alcohol Support'. You'll be better off there than Chat. Lots of recommendations of books and podcasts.

Thanks, I didn't know that board existed, I'll go have a look.

OP, I got the Drinkaware app and it's been massively helpful. If you use it properly and honestly track every drink you have, it really does make you think twice before opening the second bottle.

I've recommended it to a couple of friends and in the last year, I'd say we've all cut our intake by at least 50%. If not this app then there'll be others which help you track too but I definitely found this one really helpful.

I was like you, two small children and drinking too much at the weekend but not 'loads'. After feeling a bit ropey one bank holiday and not being 100% present for the children I decided to go teetotal. It was really daunting as I'd always associated socialising and holidays with alcohol but it's fine. I'll have alcohol free beer at times but I 100% don't miss it.

I've shared my story many times here, and it's maybe not what you want to hear but I think it's worth mentioning. I had a very troublesome relationship with alcohol which nobody else would have seen. I tried to moderate and found that I couldn't, for various reasons. The more I cut back, the worse it made me feel.

I stopped drinking 5 years ago and honestly it was the best thing I have ever done. No bottle of wine feels as good as waking up feeling fresh and clear headed. It's a matter of forming new habits and I feel like cutting out alcohol is an amazingly simple way to dramatically reduce anxiety, depression, foggy thinking, heart problems, weight gain, and premature ageing. Not only that but you get to know yourself in a different way. I dediced that I'm actually quite a friendly, fun, sociable person even without alcohol and still enjoy nights out (just can't last as long!).

I was your stereotypical 'wine o'clock' lush. I was the first one to open a bottle and the last one to bed. Honestly nobody loved wine more than me. It was a running joke! And yet my drinking all seemed so normal in society that I was convinced it was fine and I didn't want to do anything as ' extreme ' as going teetotal. Now I have a different attitude and think that my physical and mental health deserve a body with zero alcohol in it. Society and cultural messaging create a lot of contexts for drinking which fall apart when you think about it critically.

I saw alcohol for the toxin that it is and have cut it out of my life, like that toxic friend who sabotages nights out, friendships and our health.

Morning OP - I’m definitely another advocate for quitting altogether. Unfortunately I don’t seem to have that off switch so for me it’s a silly amount of alcohol or nothing. It reached 3 bottles of wine a day sometimes! I quit at the end of January & feel so much healthier mentally & physically. Lost nearly 2 stone, sleep way better, feel much calmer & less anxious plus I’m better off as I was spending a fortune on drinking! I thought alcohol was helping with all the stresses in my life but it was actually making things a lot worse. It’s a depressant yet I was mixing it with anti - depressants 😢 I do miss it occasionally as I haven’t found a non - alcoholic wine that doesn’t just taste like grape juice but I have found some lovely “ posh” tonic waters in many flavours & I like “botanics” which you can mix with tonic instead of gin. There’s an alcohol free pear cider sitting in the fridge which I might try today.
It’s funny when you stop because you realise just how much alcohol seems to pop up everywhere & get talked about everywhere eg on my till at work, I’ll say to customers that there’s a cuppa with my name on it when I finish & lots of them will reply “ or something stronger”. Loads of people talk about needing a drink after the day they’ve had. Alcohol is on tv all the time & it’s generally thought that it’s no fun to socialise without drinking. Last time I stopped, some of my friends really didn’t get it & a few would encourage me to “ just have one”. As a society, we celebrate occasions with alcohol eg weddings, birthdays, Christmas - oh boy when I think how much I used to drink at Christmas!

I don't drink as my "few bottles of wine over the weekend" gradually and insidiously increased. It wasn't a sudden thing and it was over the course of 10+ years.

But I never, ever managed to drink less no matter what I tried /did. I always drank more.

So now I don't drink. Haven't for over 2 years and life is so much better.

That’s not a lot at all.

I have two small kids as well and gave up drinking on New Year's Eve. I am shocked at myself as my life always revolved around a party and a good time since I was young. But oh my god I would recommend it to anyone and everyone who asked, especially when you have young children. You will be present both for them and yourself at a whole new level. Set yourself a six month target and see how you feel would be my honest advice.
I drank more than you, to many people what you drink is moderation. But it's how you feel and what you want from your life that matters.

Hi OP, you will find lots of helpful suggestions on the alcohol support board. I had to give up alcohol when I became allergic to it post menopause. I struggled at times but I found some wonderful podcasts. My favourite is Over the Influence, it is so cheery and positive, the presenters and guests speak about all the good things they have gained all the time. It's lovely to have such positivity.
As others have said alcohol is a neurotoxin, it enters our bloodstream so affects every organ and bit of our bodies. There is obviously no safe limit and how we react varies from person to person. One drink for me is quite dangerous for example.
Our society is still very much biased towards drinking but many people for a variety of reasons dont drink.
By the way I still go out with friends who drink a lot, I even sit around in bars with them. Boy George who is now sober himself, said its amazing what goes on in pubs and clubs that you can see when you are sober!

If you feel it is too much then it is too much, regardless of guidelines. I am noticing that many of my friends have either given up entirely or only drink in moderation now, I think it is becoming much more acceptable socially to not drink. There are lots of pretty decent alcohol free alternatives now, why not take a good look at some of these next time you go shopping. How does your DH feel? It would help if you are in it together, however mine drinks and I don’t really so we only tend to have bottles of beer in the house now so we don’t have that sharing and needing to drink up thing that can so easily happen when you open a bottle of wine, he just has a bottle of beer and I have a diet coke or something.