Invisible middle aged women?

[Confortableorwhat]

I haven't really experienced it before, as a professional middle aged woman living in SE and working in London, I find my experience and opinions are sought after and valued, both socially and professionally.

However, I am currently walking a long distance trail in the North of England, solo, and receiving very different service to guests in couples, especially I find, from women.

They do what they need to, there's nothing to actually "complain" about, but they're very blunt and unsmiling, whereas they're making an effort to chat, provide the famous northern hospitality and be friendly with other guests.

What's that about?

Southern accent is possibly your issue.

I am a Southerner that moved North 28 years ago to work in a University, with people from all over the world, no issue on campus. We bought a house about 6 miles from the city.

When DS went to school and I met lots of locals and they were a bit off with me. When they got to know me they liked me and I’m still friends with a few and the kids are all now 23. But they didn’t like the accent and to quote one they thought I was a posh cunt. This is a seriously deprived area and Southerners are generally seen as up their own arses. I remember going to the market and asking if they sold aubergines. We don’t get much call for them round here, still rings in my ears and you could tell the stall holder didn’t like my non local accent. That phrase is still used by us as a family in joke.

The mining village up the road had a load of people from London on a stag do a few years ago and I know that locals there were hoping for a scrap with them. I mean that village is rough as you like. DS sounds quite Southern like me and his Dad but can be totally local if needs be. I mean it took almost 30 years but DH greeted me with Aye oop recently so is fully assimilated.

Thats a shame that is happening to you op. I'd have thought business owners would be extra friendly to people on their own. Especially woman to other woman. I don't know if its the accent, surely they get people from all over doing this walk?
Maybe women just feel they don't need to bother as much with single women as single men or couples?
Thats quite sad if they feel like this.
They are in the wrong job!!!

as a professional middle aged woman living in SE and working in London

In your own 'turf' you are visible, respected and sought after. This is fairly standard. You are an 'other' now, it's very likely that the middle aged couples you perceive as visible now would be entirely invisible in your work place. It's got nothing to do with being middle aged, it's more about territory and demographs. Is it right? No, but sadly that's largely how the world works.

Also, imagine you are a spy. You are perfecting your skills, being unremarkable and non memorable outwith your usual environment. You could slip in and out of the establishments and do the most dastardly deeds. Mwa ha ha ha. Oh wait, that's Bond Villain territory.

I never understand the invisibility thing, my mum doesn't, other older women I know. They all feel they've become even more part of society, always chatting to people
I feel it too, I was never noticed or spoken to by adults when young, I see it with young people now as they just slink through interacting with their own age groups. As soon as I got to 35ish all other adults started treating me like one of them

If invisible means "not being treated like a piece of meat by weirdo perverts" then surely that's a positive!!
But sadly still happens to me

Ah, it's the accent, of course. That"s not very friendly 😆

Are you smiling at/ making an effort to chat with them?

Combination of accent and how you speak.

I was born in the north and grew up there. I moved South as an adult.

It took me a while to get the hang of how to interact with people in the South, it's very different.

I am now fully bilingual in northern/southern.

In the North if they hear a southern accent and word choice they do think posh person and you need to tone your accent down/be very friendly to overcome that.

(Equally if you speak with a northern accent and word choice in the south they'll think you are an uneducated oik and ignore you)

My accent is a rough Estaury accent. It's really not posh, more Eastenders.

You are missing the point.

In general Northerners consider ANY kind of southern accent posh.

Whether you think it is posh or not isn't the issue.

My mum is working class London and she and my dad moved north in the early 1980s. She spoke pretty much pure cockney. They all throught my mum and dad were posh despite them having no money and being very working class.

Can confirm 😆

I live in the north of England (a national park) and have worked in various hospitality/tourism roles.
I'd say they're reflecting whatever level of effort to engage that you are, that's what customer services staff do as a rule.

If someone seems more timid or unsure then we'd be quieter in response. If someone seems as though they can't be bothered to interact beyond the necessary, we'll be efficient and courteous but leave it at that.

Couples do mostly have a more chatty approach when dealing with frontline staff because then it's more of a group dynamic.
If I'm faced with a solo, I'll usually take their lead in my communication.

That said, if you're in the depths of deepest/darkest Yorkshire or Cumbria and seem in the slightest bit exotic or irregular, then that's just how they are.

You called? 😂

I'm so invisible people walk into me in shops and in the street. My partner didn't believe me until he witnessed it happening.

I'm exactly the same person I was when I walked a nation trail in the South this time last year and people couldn't have been more welcoming then/there.

It's not as though northerners are known for being unfriendly or unwelcoming. Quite the opposite. Perhaps southerners are more inclined to pander to certain attitudes/demeanours?

Wrong thread, this isn't about testosterone but about Northern vs Southern!

I don't think they are being unfriendly to most people, but they seem to be struggling with a lone woman from the South. I don't know why that is, but I've travelled solo all over the world and don't usually experience this.

Moved up north 15 years ago . We are often asked if we are on holiday !

I agree it's probably a north/south thing. Inverse snobbery, rather than an age thing. I might be wrong though.
I'm going to be a controversial here (sorry northerners!) and say that the north/south thing is very one-sided in my experience. Only ever northerners being unpleasant to southerners. Never the other way round.
It may be less friendly in the south; but at least it's equally un-friendly to everyone!
I hope your experiences improve soon OP.

My American parents say that John Oliver sounds posh.

Suddenly worried about my post above! 🤭
Obviously people are just people. You get nice, and not-so-nice people everywhere. I just meant that maybe it's seen as more socially acceptable for northerners to treat southerners differently? In all my years, I've never heard anyone in the south say anything negative about the north or northerners. But, of course that's just my own experience.

Yep, me too. We moved from south to north 10 years ago. Most adults are too polite to show it, but I'm sure a lot of them think it. Ds has put up with being called posh for years at school. And 'Tory', for some reason, even though they are all pretty working-class-right-wing brexiteers and he very much isn't . Apparently a southern accent means you are rich, posh and a Tory.

Same here. I guess it's because it's seen as punching down vs punching up, which is ridiculous really.