Invisible middle aged women?

[Confortableorwhat]

I haven't really experienced it before, as a professional middle aged woman living in SE and working in London, I find my experience and opinions are sought after and valued, both socially and professionally.

However, I am currently walking a long distance trail in the North of England, solo, and receiving very different service to guests in couples, especially I find, from women.

They do what they need to, there's nothing to actually "complain" about, but they're very blunt and unsmiling, whereas they're making an effort to chat, provide the famous northern hospitality and be friendly with other guests.

What's that about?

I live in the north east and despite having a very easy London accent all the school mums think I am posh. I'm really not! It's been a challenge.

Yes, I think a lot of people who haven't spent much time in the south don't realise how socially diverse it is. Where I'm based on the south coast, there are some of the poorest communities in the country. A lot of homelessness too.

I've done a lot of national trails over the years, almost always on my own, and I've never come across this.

I'd be amazed if it's a North/South thing! People running B&Bs, hotels etc have other people staying from all over the country/the world. They're not going to be thrown by a London accent 😳

I'm a Northerner but I don't have a Northern accent, and I've never encountered any sort of issue.

The only place I was ever made to feel awkward walking on my own was Spain, when I was walking along the ridge of the mountains between Spain and France. The Spanish were verging on hostile at the sight of a woman walking alone in the mountains, whereas the French couldn't have been friendlier. The difference in how I was treated was like night and day.

Anyway, I've never had an experience like yours walking in this country. I'd have wondered whether you're quite a reserved person and they're not wanting to disturb you were it not for the face that it has bothered you, and so presumably you're being friendly towards them.

Bizarre!

I haven't either, but this is a fairly obscure one in the North East, I haven't met anyone else doing it, most people are here to see the sights rather than walking so maybe that makes a difference.

There are a lot of holiday makers here, but I think it's a place people come to for a short break from Newcastle rather than further afield, I haven't heard many accents that don't sound NE to my ears.

From a guys perspective I tend to avoid interacting with single women these days because its just too much hassle / aggravation, your fellow women have made it a social minefield where lots will irrationally take offence at what would be considered good manners 10 years ago.

very very much for the best

Yeah, sorry, @Laidbackguy - if your "good manners" are causing offence, they aren't good manners and weren't ten years ago, either.

OP, there's quite difference in style between casual NE interactions and SE ones. I split my time between the two for several years and was always being too in-yer-face for London or too formal for Newcastle! Southern accents do bring baggage up North, I'm afraid, so that won't be helping.

You don't say where you got your broad estuary, but can you cast your mind back to old-style Cockney life? That kind of outspoken, rapid familiarity has a lot in common with the North-East. Try channelling Angie from the Vic 😁

I’ve enraged women by holding a door open and offering a seat on a train, I’d like to think anyone would do the same for my mother of sisters?

@Laidbackguy I'd appreciate your seat giving and door opening.
I tend to wait for the thank you when I do it. It doesn't come often.

Personally I talk to most people. My parents were Welsh and Yorkshire. We're home counties. I travel and never have an issue. I'm nosy and tall so stride out. Start singing as you walk, they may interact!

Im from the East Midlands but have lived North and South. ( my family are all from Yorkshire if that means anything ). I’ve definitely heard comments about Northerners living in the South but mostly it’s one way traffic. Northerners can be more friendly but they have an absolute chip on their shoulders about anyone they consider posh. My dd12 ( born and raised in Surrey) gets comments about being posh regularly but would never in a million years comment negatively about someone else’s accent. Whether it’s that OP I don’t know or perhaps they just think you’re out to get their man!!

I'm from South London and have spent a lot of time in Northumberland. I have never met anything other than friendliness from Northumbrians.

I live in Ireland and to be honest I think in the couples- it’s the women who are the problem. I have a few divorced friends living in housing estates with middle class families and the women are totally unfriendly to them. The men are nice and chatty, respectful and kind. I think that lots of married women find that they feel threatened by strong single women - especially confident middle aged ones and also (taken from my own experience) they feel a little superior to you, especially if you are divorced.

I think there's a great deal of truth in that 👍

Do you dress like a very serious walker. Socks over your trousers, the best, most waterproof, most expensive jacket, rucksack, serious headgear - I wouldn't often speak to someone like that as I think they are busy getting to where they're going. Not wandering along and happy to chat.
Perhaps you could ask for info on the nearest pub, best restaurant, their favourite cafe to break the ice, perhaps you look too capable and composed.

An entirely typical example of some women's total avoidance of accountability.

Zero effort to consider if someone getting angry because I've offered them my seat on crowded train or held a door is reasonable, straight in with an insult.

It doesn't reflect well on you as a human IMHO.

@Laidbackguy absolutely flat out don't believe you that women have got angry with you for offering a seat or holding a door open. You've heard this might have happened somewhere, somehow, to some man and just co-opted it.

I've never seen this in my life, and I've spent most of the last 3 decades commuting on the tube.

Again, no actual counter to anything I've said, just insults and mud slinging.

It's almost like you haven't got anything else to offer.

@Fraa I've had the misfortune of a few stints commuting in London and can count on one hand the number of times I saw people giving up seats for others etc.

@onhols81 Insult 3..... Counter argument 0.

@Fraa this is a fairly typical example of a woman who is just unpleasant because there are no consequences. If I spoke to other men how @onhols81 does I'd expect to get punched.