How unusual is it for year 8s to be drinking alcohol?

[Ikeatears]

Having issues with my youngest (y8). Normal teenage stuff like being in his phone too late/bit of attitude etc.
have addressed it all. His phone limits and he has to hand it to me at bedtime. He's been grounded.
I've been checking his phone regularly and in his deleted photos there are videos (sent by other kids his age) of them drinking alcohol. I don't know the parents.
He's been invited to a few 'parties', which so far, he hasn't been allowed to go to (mainly because he's been grounded) but I'm now finding out these parties are unsupervised and there's clearly alcohol flying about.
How do I handle this? Do I just not let him socialise outside of school with kids I don't know.
I can't believe at 12 and 13, these kids are already drinking!
Never had this with the older dc. They were still riding their bikes and kicking a football about on the park at this age. Help!

Mine are 12 and 15. The 15 year old has only just started mentioning alcohol at parties, not that he's very sociable.

The 12 year old is still adamant that she's never drinking.

My own DD doesn't drink. (Yr8).
I'm aware that there are children in her year who are a lot more "mature".

Sorry, in answer to your original question, I'd say it was very unusual IME, for a y8 to be drinking alcohol. 12? 13? That's very young. Possibly still young enough to ground them, or prevent him socialising with school friends, but it's such a vulnerable age to damage your credibility as a parent.

I have an 18 year old and a year 11 15 year old.

the oldest isn’t particularly interested in drinking, they’ve tried a few ciders but aren’t fussed.

the younger one has definitely had a few more cans of lager at parties but only in the last couple of months.

year 8 is much too young imo and I’d be keeping mine away from situations like that for as long as possible. Inviting their friends to your house instead could be a solution

My middle child is year 9 and recently told me that he doesn't think he'd ever drink alcohol. He spends a lot of time out with his friends not late at night. Of course he could be drinking with them in secret, but I've never been suspicious that he is. He does a sport three times a week though, and is very into his fitness, so maybe that's why.

I know that it does happen sometimes but it's not the norm for y8's to be drinking. I'd be worried about his friendship group if I were you. Well done for checking his phone though, lots of parents don't. Thinking back to my own childhood in the 70's we were drinking from y9 onwards but we had a lot of freedom to do so.

No, my year 8 child does not drink alcohol. To be fair, that opportunity doesn't arise but it also wouldn't occur to him. My eldest child is now 26 and she says that alcohol became a thing at around 15. One very bad experience put her off and she will now have one or two drinks but doesn't bother after that.

Agree with a pp that this is not the norm in y8. Yes it happens in certain groups so I would be very concerned about his friendship group. A big chat is needed.

I have a friend who's son is out drinking with mates. There's a dad who takes them to another friend's house where there is no parent and they drink there. It really worried me as apparently they were wandering around on the beach with the girls hardly able to walk. Personally I'd be not letting my child go to the house of the dad who takes them there and I would be telling his ex wife (their son's mum) but my friend has known him since school and says things like "oh but he's always had a drink and drugs issue"! I told her I was shocked she was enabling it all and her son could end up with lasting addiction and brain issues having so much alcohol so young. She thinks if she stops him he will just do it in secret, whereas I think it is part of a cry for attention. Had a chat with my dd about it and she was shocked and thankfully has no desire to drink (she's what he would call a nerd) but we had a frank chat about it and why I was worried and that I hope she comes to me if she needs to talk about it.

I think it's too young - they are kids and you are the parent. The lasting damage to the brain and addiction issues for years to come scare me far too much to just think this is a "phase" at 12.

It's not ok but it happens, same as tiny year 7s smoking on the way to school. County lines or generally hanging out with older people has a lot to do with it.

You let your DC socialise but at your house or develop friendships outside of school in sports clubs or cadets / scouts where parents will be more similar to you.

If you still have access to those videos you should pass them on to the school safeguarding officer too.

That does seem very young to be drinking. I have 2 dds who are now 18 and 19, they started having a ‘beer’ (like a corona) at family things when they were about 15ish I think. Covid put a stop to a lot of socialising with friends etc after that so friends parties didn’t really happen until they were a bit older but even then dh or I or other parents would collect at a prearranged time. I never picked anyone up that was bladdered, we would give them 4 beers or something similar to take with them.
Ds is 12, he’s far too young for alcohol.
Be strict with the phone and make it known that it is not the age for drinking.

This might be helpful?
https://cumbria.gov.uk/elibrary/Content/Internet/537/17241/17245/43425102055.PDF#:~:text=damage%20resulting%20in%20memory%20problems,affected%20are%20highlighted%20in%20boxes).

I would have thought unusual. My son is year 8 and I have no reason to think he's ever drunk alcohol. He does sometimes go ranging around with a group of boys but they're more likely to walk to McDonald's etc I would have thought. However, I am convinced I saw a vape in his friend's hand once as we were picking them up from the park, so it wouldn't surprise me if he's vaped, although he strongly denies it.

I have a year 13 and he says that the year 7/8 are very different to how his year group were. Eg They openly vape when ds and his friends were happy riding their bikes and picking up snacks.

I didn’t supervise sleepovers at that age and didn’t host house parties . I provided food and soft drinks then generally stayed in my room.

My kids first drank at 15/16 ish and it was very infrequent. 12/13 is super young - are they drinking something like beer or spirits?

That does seem young. Mine are early 20s now but drinking generally started at 15/16 at parties.

I think by 12/13 they're often aware, especially if they have older siblings or are often around older teens. Usually a lack of access and opportunity at that age. limits them.

However, I do think by 13/14, so year 9, I've seen with all my DC that alcohol starts to become available and appear, my own memory is of drinking at a similar age. Tbh, I would give a 13 year old a small wine, maybe with lemonade if it was requested or a champagne at NYE type thing. Certainly by 15 our DC would have a beer or prosecco at 'events' at home. Like a pp said, its much like the vaping, probably on their radar by 12/13 and if they can get it, they do it.

(All my DC are older now and, none us, are heavy drinkers - probably not even once a month before I'm accused of paving the way to alcoholism)

Thanks all. Your experiences have been my own with my older dc (22 and 18) and 12/13 is far too young.
I'm concerned about this new friendship group. For the foreseeable, he won't be going to anybody's house where I don't know the parents. It's a difficult balance to strike though as if I tell him he can't be friends with them, it will push him towards them further. I suspect they're the 'popular' group at school and he's enjoying being part of that. There are also some children from outside of his school who are part of the friendship group.
He plays for two football teams and trains/plays four times a week.

It will definitely be the "popular" group - but popular at 12 is not the same as popular at 15 or 18. No one wants their 12 yr old addicted to anything that can damage their memory. I'd be going over how it ages you, stops the brain growing and learning, impact on hormones - especially if he is sporty.

I was drinking/smoking at that age with friends but luckily my children are the complete opposite and not even slightly interested.

I think the big difference is my group of friends were rough and there's aren't.

I wouldn't be happy if I knew alcohol was being drunk at that age and wouldn't be letting them out/ hang out with those people. I really wish my parents took more interest in guiding me towards more ambitious friends.

I've no evidence at all that he's been drinking. I just have evidence that it's going on within his friendship group.
I want to try to ride this period out without completely alienating him but equally, he is a child and it's my job to protect him.
He's a bright boy, has always wanted to do well in school and is on the school footie team. This new group don't seem to be quite as motivated.
I just feel like this could be a fork in the road and I want to get it right...

Maybe filling his spare time were he can make better friends might help like hobbies or fitness. Junior gym membership so he's interested in his health and wellbeing

It's easy to get corrupted and go down the bad route. Being reminded of his goals is another important thing, when you are young you feel you have forever.

I'm the same, maybe from 13. It hugely impacted a lot of my life and I have no intention of my DC having a similar path. You fall into all sorts and with all sorts with no supervision.

See, this is the thing, he trains twice a week and most of his Saturday/Sunday day is taken up with his football team.
His afternoons on a weekend and during school holidays, up to only a few weeks ago, were spent at the local pitch playing footie with his friends. He's stopped doing the informal football and, instead, wants to hang about with his new friendship group.
I've offered for friends to come here, in the house or in the garden so it's not like I'm trying to isolate him.

I'd say unusual but not unheard of. My DD in yr8 doesn't drink, neither do her friends.
She mentioned to me that a girl in her year drank loads of vodka and had to be taken to hospital and she seemed quite horrified at the thought.

Unusual but not unheard of I think, Year 10 or possibly tail end of year 9 in some cases was my experience with DS.

DD is in year 8 and says some girls in her year are definitely vaping and she thinks some are drinking although she isn’t sure if that is BS or not. But she says she is not cool or posh enough to be invited to their parties anyway 😂