A question about modern behaviour around sex

[PortalMania]

Hi there, I'm 59, married for years, very out of date about modern habits re dating,sex etc. I was chatting to a friend last night and said that as I understood it, many young folk arrange a one night stand type of thing via an app like Tinder. While in our day we had just gone to the pub, got drunk, and went home with some we fancied. She thought I'd got it totally wrong and that didn't happen. Which is very possible. So I said I'd ask here. Do people hook up for sex online or not? Or is that just for dating? Thanks for helping the chronically out of touch!

1. A lot of people use dating apps like Tinder, OK Cupid etc
2. Some of those people want to date and use the apps accordingly
3. Others, probably more frequently men, just want sex and also use the apps accordingly, often annoying the people in group 2, especially if they try to push group 2 people into a hook up

Is this a way to get some tales to perv over?

No, I don't want any details, just wanted to know if I had understood things correctly, as there were no apps when I was young and single

Yes I use apps for hook ups but they are very rarely one night stands, actually only one has been. I had a very good and committed FWB situation that lasted 5 years that i initially met on an app

Not just young folk. I'm 54 and I've been doing online dating for a long time. Sometimes it leads to relationships and sometimes just to a one night stand. Providing everyone is happy and consenting, I don't see any issues. Meeting someone in a bar, while drunk, could lead to accusations. Nobody wants to take that risk

Not judging at all, just that my friend thought I had it wrong and I wondered. Yes drunken one stands are not really great but that's what we had back in the day! We were shy about sex (Irish) hence the necessity to get drunk.

Of course they do there are even apps specifically for it, feeld(?) is one I believe I wouldn't dream of it but I don't like ONS each to their own though

Feeld is for “dating outside the norm” but not necessarily for hookups.

OP, you aren’t many years older than me, I’m surprised at your approach. TBH.

Of course people use them for hookups. Not all people, theres an entire spectrum of usage from what I've seen. My SIL showed me couples on one app, I think Hinge, that were seeking someone for a threesome. Memorably, a few specified this was just while they holidayed in London, so definitely a ONS.

Just that I'm married for years, so not in touch with dating etc, is that very surprising?

It's a bit surprising that you don't know people use apps for hook ups, yes.

I don't use it only heard it recommended on here when people say there are looking for sex only not relationships it's often recommended on dating post on relationships board.

I've had one of the most important relationships of my life through Feeld, and the guy I'm currently seeing is from there, too. Tinder and Bumble were more hook-ups, but some of those I saw a number of times.

Having a look at their website it seems it is mainly aimed at sexual encounters..🤷‍♀️

Meant to add - some of them I met for a drink or meal first, some we just went straight to bed. Some I had dates with and never went beyond that. It's not very different from meeting in a bar. Expectations can be clearer online, but I suspect that is down to individuals, and some are just better at communicating than others, whether in person or online.

You don't know people use apps to date and that dating sometimes ends up in a one night stand? Ok

Well, I'm Irish and not many years younger than you, and I would say that the reason for cultural hangups about sex was because legal, easily-accessed contraception was difficult or impossible to find until quite recently. Condom vending machines were only legalised in my final year at university, and the college doctor who refused to prescribe the pill on grounds of conscience in my student days only retired recently (I'm now staff at the same institution!)

When sex involves a possibility of having to trek to England for an abortion, it was understandable that we were wary!

Yes, but sex is important to a lot of people - and Tinder etc is still full of people wanting threesomes or sub/dom relationships or various other kinds- they're just more open about it it on Feeld, which makes it easier to reject if you're not interested.

I'm not saying it's a problem????? I said feeld is an app mainly for sexual encounters not sure what the issue you're having is with that? The site says it's for that? 🙄

It's not mainly for sexual encounters though. It's a dating site and plenty of people on there are looking to date and have relationships, just not monogamous/traditional ones

Ok great? Not sure why you're upset the app literally describes itself in that way so I mentioned that there are apps for people looking for sexual encounters? What are you upset about?

Seems I've touched a nerve with some people, perhaps because I said I wouldn't use it myself.

No; because you are describing it incorrectly.

From my dc (teens, 20's and 30's it seems' try before you buy 'is The Norm.. They can be seeing someone casually but not be with them officially.. Sounds like one big head fuck to me!! All met on app or tiktok....

There you go.