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Original poster

Planned Csection avoiding MIL birthday

46 replies

kirkgate · 23/05/2024 13:12

I have a very fractious relationship with my MIL following a long history of toxic behaviour. I'm due another baby in the summer near MIL birthday and am planning an elective section. I appreciate I might have no real say in choice of date but really want to avoid the day before, of and after her birthday. Is this something I can mention to the hospital or would I just sound incredibly childish. I just don't want any excuse for her to commandeer another event in our lives!

OP posts:

Autumn1990 · 23/05/2024 13:42

They asked me what day I wanted from a choice of three. I think it’s common to be given a choice

DrRichardWebber · 23/05/2024 13:47

I got a choice of any date from week 39 to 40, so I’m sure you will get to choose.

SparrowNest15 · 23/05/2024 13:52

I got a choice too.

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WindowViper · 23/05/2024 13:55

I also got to choose, but in the end it was brought forward by a week for medical reasons. If it’s truly elective you’re also more likely to get pushed back by emergencies.

So I don’t think it’s a crazy request, but you still might end up with an imperfect date.

Lululime2024 · 23/05/2024 14:00

Is it for medical reasons?

mine was and I didn't really get a choice, they just called me and said it's looking like it's going to be the 16th of September. I suppose if I'd said I didn't want that date for whatever reason they might have let me change it, but I didn't so I don't know.

I knew in March of that year when I'd give birth it was a very Strange experience to know for so long when her birthday would be.

CelesteCunningham · 23/05/2024 14:02

I was able to choose.

Cheepcheepcheep · 23/05/2024 14:04

I did get a choice, but just to warn you, DS was born the day after the day I picked - I was due to be second on the list but kept getting bumped by emergencies and they told me at 4pm to head home and they'd put me first on the list the next day. So if you're trying to avoid those three days, I'd go for the second day after her birthday (so if she's the 5th, I'd pick the 7th rather than the 3rd) so that if you do get bumped, you're further away.

In any event I think it's easier to persuade the consultants that you want your CS closer to your due date than further from it for the obvious medical benefits.

And I don't think it's a silly reason to - I picked the 14th because my DD's birthday is also a 14th (different month) and I liked the symmetry, I was gutted when DS wound up being born on the 15th! (I'm over it now haha!) I'd been offered three slots in the week of the 14th so it didn't make any difference to me.

JudyP · 23/05/2024 14:07

I wasn't able to choose as the doctor I was seeing did elective c sections on Thursdays only so I was told we needed to do it at 37 weeks due to placenta previa so that was the date it would happen on!

SuzySheepsSleepy · 27/05/2024 15:03

Where are you based? In England they generally let you choose the day (within reason) but in Scotland they don’t and they just notify you of the selected date. That being said, as others have pointed out, you may be moved in the days leading up to it (for any number of reasons) or bumped on the day due to an influx of emergency cases.

beanii · 27/05/2024 15:03

If you don't ask then you don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️

fussychica · 27/05/2024 15:22

I had an elective CS for a transverse and was able to choose the date but it had to be changed after he moved to usual position so it was cancelled, then done straight away when he moved back to transverse and they were concerned I might go into labour.

Allthingsdecember · 27/05/2024 15:25

I think it depends on demand. With my first I had the choice of 4 days. With my second they squeezed me in where they could.

I hope they let you avoid MIL's birthday though!

Jumpingoffthefence · 27/05/2024 17:13

It depends on your hospital, you should definitely ask and explain why.

I had a date for 39 weeks and told them I needed the week before due to a feeling I would go early. I had my first two at 37/38 weeks so suspected it would happen again. It wasn’t agreed but my youngest has other plans so I had an “emergency” section on the day I had requested anyway.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 27/05/2024 17:18

They didn't give me a selection of dates but they did say they can have me in on the eleventeenth of septembruary if that was OK with me. I suppose if I had said can we make it the twelveteenth of julianuary they would have been agreeable. I had made them very aware I would be having this baby as soon as humanly possible though so they just gave me the earliest available date when I was 39w3d

thehousewiththesagegreensofa · 27/05/2024 17:22

When is MIL's bday compared to your actual due date?

MouseMama · 27/05/2024 17:46

Is it your first or second or third plus c section? I think the answers are quite different. My second c section was scheduled for 39 weeks exactly and I waited in the hospital all day but got bumped to the next day. My third c section is pending being scheduled and they’ve said they’ll do it earlier (37-38 weeks) and on a day certain specialists are available in case of complications with the surgery.

if it’s your first or second and a straightforward pregnancy then you’ll get more flexibility I think but I don’t think they’ll offer you something outside 38-39 weeks unless there’s a medical reason.

Senorfrijoles · 27/05/2024 18:03

Lululime2024 · 23/05/2024 14:00

Is it for medical reasons?

I knew in March of that year when I'd give birth it was a very Strange experience to know for so long when her birthday would be.

Same. I was a bit baffled by everyone saying they had a choice. I didn't but mine was for medical reasons as well. I presume they may do the more complex ones on specific days?

JLM1981 · 27/05/2024 19:07

I'm in Scotland. Had 3 c sections. Always had a choice of 1 or 2 dates.

Judecb · 27/05/2024 19:12

I wouldn't mention! If it is the same date she'll just have to suck it up ..... or chose to celebrate it, you never know!

Nottodaty · 27/05/2024 19:22

With my first she was due on my MiL birthday. As I needed a C-section they wanted her to be born roughly 2 weeks early- which was my Mums birthday. Que lots of sulking from mil that I had ‘chosen’ to do this. Yet 6 months before she was hoping she wouldn’t be born on her birthday as it would ruin her special day.

Yes I could sort of choose a day - but needed to align with surgeon and anaesthetist that knew my medical history.

PurpleChrayn · 27/05/2024 19:38

I was given a choice of three dates. I didn't go with Friday 13th because of the connotations and also because of Shabbat. There's some leeway.

Bennetty · 27/05/2024 20:03

Absolutely tell them! This is your birth experience and if there's a minefield you'd like to avoid, then avoid it. ❤️

tweetypi · 27/05/2024 21:44

I didn't have a choice, they booked me as close as possible to my due date. I asked to be moved earlier as I was struggling a lot (wheelchair bound with SPD) and they said they'd look into it but don't get my hopes up - it didn't move!

MaidOfAle · 27/05/2024 22:07

Judecb · 27/05/2024 19:12

I wouldn't mention! If it is the same date she'll just have to suck it up ..... or chose to celebrate it, you never know!

I agree with this. If you're tiptoeing around your MIL to the extent that it's influencing your medical decisions, you have a serious MIL problem and a serious husband problem.

Awrite · 27/05/2024 22:12

I wasn't offered a choice with dc1 but was for dc2. A choice from 3 dates.

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