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Original poster

Please help. Just found this on my dad's back.

948 replies

sprigatito · 20/05/2024 18:04

My dad's partner died of cancer a few days ago, he and I were with her when she died, and I've brought him home with me until the funeral (and probably permanently). He's got Alzheimer's and his partner was his carer. He's been looking pained and twisting his shoulder, he said it's just a spot, but I made him show me his back and found this. It looks just like the squamous cell carcinoma he's had removed before, only it's enormous. He's lost weight and is pale and more vague and breathless than usual, but I thought it was just grief Sad

This is really fucking bad, isn't it? He survived stage 4 lymphoma in 2017 and has a heart condition. I have a doctor calling me back from 111, but should I just take him to A&E?

Sensitive content
Please help. Just found this on my dad's back.
Sensitive content
Please help. Just found this on my dad's back.
OP posts:
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10
Notjoinedup · 20/05/2024 23:43

Hey OP. Nothing to add to what’s been said already but I would like you to know that I am praying hard for you and your dad. I’m not even much of a believer but I firmly believe we are all a part of something and are connected to those we love. Sending you both love. X x

Original poster
sprigatito · 20/05/2024 23:50

Notjoinedup · 20/05/2024 23:43

Hey OP. Nothing to add to what’s been said already but I would like you to know that I am praying hard for you and your dad. I’m not even much of a believer but I firmly believe we are all a part of something and are connected to those we love. Sending you both love. X x

Thank you, that's really kind Flowers

OP posts:
TubeWhine · 20/05/2024 23:55

Just want to echo @Notjoinedup’s sentiments, OP. Here is a handhold. X

LadyLolaRuben · 21/05/2024 00:00

Oh OP what a rotten time. Sending hugs and thinking about you x

Vive42 · 21/05/2024 00:03

What an awful horrible shock OP.

I know you don’t want to lose your Dad but long term declining Alzheimer’s is a horrible way to go. It can go on for many years and takes such a toll on all involved.

In the end while this looks brutal and shocking, it may be a kinder end for both of you which you may come to see in the future.

I’m so very very sorry OP. If you are to live a long and happy life, this is sadly so very sadly part of it too.

Sending big hugs and love 💔

Amybelle88 · 21/05/2024 00:03

Nothing to add other than see the GP asap - I really hope it isn't the worse case scenario - you must be in bits at the moment.

Sending you love and support 💐

iamsoshocked · 21/05/2024 00:04

OP, will you update us please?
It may help you to write things down and being able to tell a load of supportive strangers how you are feeling. You have a lot going on. Just try and get through one day at a time.
You may even be in shock, but you need to keep going. You will be strong enough to deal with all this. Much love and support. Good luck.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/05/2024 00:05

I am afraid that I have nothing helpful to say regarding your father's lump, but I wish to send my love to you.

Had a not dissimilar situation some years ago when everything came at once (doesnt it always?!) that I thought Iwouldnt get through, and of course I did. So will you. At one point I was taking it an hour at a time but here I am, and so will you be. Keep the faith my love. You can do this.

xx

Original poster
sprigatito · 21/05/2024 00:07

iamsoshocked · 21/05/2024 00:04

OP, will you update us please?
It may help you to write things down and being able to tell a load of supportive strangers how you are feeling. You have a lot going on. Just try and get through one day at a time.
You may even be in shock, but you need to keep going. You will be strong enough to deal with all this. Much love and support. Good luck.

Yes, I absolutely will update. The kindness on this thread has really, really helped. I just feel so raw at the moment, this is just one problem too many, and it's great to have somewhere to download it all.

OP posts:
GingerHat · 21/05/2024 00:07

Oh I'm sorry for how hard things are for you OP. No advice, just sending you good wishes and hoping the best for you and your dad 💐

JeysusH · 21/05/2024 00:08

Vive42 · 21/05/2024 00:03

What an awful horrible shock OP.

I know you don’t want to lose your Dad but long term declining Alzheimer’s is a horrible way to go. It can go on for many years and takes such a toll on all involved.

In the end while this looks brutal and shocking, it may be a kinder end for both of you which you may come to see in the future.

I’m so very very sorry OP. If you are to live a long and happy life, this is sadly so very sadly part of it too.

Sending big hugs and love 💔

I agree with this. These are wise words.

I'm sorry you're having such a time of it @sprigatito.

Jakethekid · 21/05/2024 00:15

Have 111 still no contacted you back ? This all must be so stressful for you.

Original poster
sprigatito · 21/05/2024 00:16

Jakethekid · 21/05/2024 00:15

Have 111 still no contacted you back ? This all must be so stressful for you.

No, they haven't. I'm going to have to go to bed, I need to sleep if tomorrow's going to be another rough one. I'll call the gp first thing.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 21/05/2024 00:31

I'm so sorry you've got all this worry and upset, OP.

Whatever that lump is, looks infected (on top of whatever diagnosis you get).

I'll keep your dad and your family in my prayers.

Pussygaloregalapagos · 21/05/2024 00:33

Oh bless you and bless him. How old is he? If he already has some memory problems and dementia maybe treatment is not the best way to go. It can be incredibly stressful for dementia suffers to have endless medical appointments.

If he is diagnosed with Alzheimers then with the greatest gentleness in this message (which you will likely already be aware of) his life expectancy from diagnosis is likely to only be 8 to 10 years so perhaps it could be a kinder way to go than from Alzheimers.

Noseybookworm · 21/05/2024 00:34

So sorry OP, what a worry and you've got so much on your plate at the moment 😔 hope you manage to get your dad seen by GP tomorrow. Try and get some rest 💐

Vergeofbreakdown23 · 21/05/2024 00:38

sprigatito · 20/05/2024 18:07

DH's company has just announced its going into liquidation as well 😭 so I feel like my head is exploding at the moment

Show quote history

I'm so sorry on your recent loss and now this with your dad and hubby's work etc... you're really going through it and there's not much any of us can do other than give you a hand hold and let you know we're thinking of you.
First things first with your dad, get him seen and that needs to be removed asap. One step at a time ❤️

Bestyearever2024 · 21/05/2024 00:48

My goodness.....such a lot on your shoulders. I'm so sorry. Sending you and your Dad love. 🥰🥰

MegsNaiceJam · 21/05/2024 00:52

Sorry you have so much to deal with at the moment. 💐

I don’t have anything medical to add, however on a practical level make sure you have a hospital grab bag with some drinks, snacks, coins, notebook, pen, hand sanitiser gel and phone charger pack and cable. This will be valuable if you have to take him anywhere and end up waiting for a long time, either in the coming days or weeks.

HollaHolla · 21/05/2024 02:50

Oh bless you, OP. What an awful succession of events for you all. Please take care of yourself too; there's no way you can help others if your tank is empty.

If it helps, my Aunt had a really large, fast growing, squamous cell carcinoma on the back of her arm, a couple of years ago. She has learning disabilities (my mum, sister and 1, have POA), and she hadn't reallised it was bad, until I saw it, when she was wearing a summer dress. She was referred to plastic surgery, under the 2 week cancer pathway, and had it removed, and a skin graft made (from her thigh), within about 4 weeks. She then had some radiotherapy. She is now well, and has a check every 3 months, at the hospital, with a specialist nurse, who is just lovely with her, and has really supported all of us, with our questions, etc.

Frogpole · 21/05/2024 03:32

@sprigatito I'm so sorry for what you're going through OhPea. The phrase "it never rains, it only pours" often proves true in life, but that's not a rainstorm you're dealing with there - it's a fcuking tsunami 200 metres tall.

The two posters above me - @MegsNaiceJam @HollaHolla - have put down some really great advice. Making time for yourself right at this very moment seems like the least important thing in the world, right? You've got to remember though, there's a lot to do here and there's people relying on you. Those seven minutes you save by skipping breakfast this morning are gonna be worth less than fcuk all when you pass out behind the wheel from low blood sugar where you've not had your weetabix (I know that sounds like I'm taking the piss but it's honestly not meant that way).

We're all here for you, ok?

beenwhereyouare · 21/05/2024 03:46

I'm so very sorry that you and your family are going through so much. It seems so unfair for one person to have to carry such a burden. I hope things improve soon, and that your dad's lesion is not something bad.

Sending prayer and healing light 💙

CorpusInterruptus · 21/05/2024 03:47

I don’t have anything useful to add other than I’m another poster sending you and your family good thoughts. Flowers

whateveryouwantmetosay · 21/05/2024 03:56

I really hope you get answers ASAP, OP Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/05/2024 04:21

Bless you so much going on. Sending big hugs to all of you. X