Please help. Just found this on my dad's back.

[sprigatito]

My dad's partner died of cancer a few days ago, he and I were with her when she died, and I've brought him home with me until the funeral (and probably permanently). He's got Alzheimer's and his partner was his carer. He's been looking pained and twisting his shoulder, he said it's just a spot, but I made him show me his back and found this. It looks just like the squamous cell carcinoma he's had removed before, only it's enormous. He's lost weight and is pale and more vague and breathless than usual, but I thought it was just grief

This is really fucking bad, isn't it? He survived stage 4 lymphoma in 2017 and has a heart condition. I have a doctor calling me back from 111, but should I just take him to A&E?

Get well soon, OP and your husband. Sorry you're suffering.

Sending good wishes, what a catalogue of disasters all round.

How are you feeling OP? Sounds like norovirus as I've heard it's going around. Is your dad in your home or did he stay in Stoke?

Much better, thank you - it does seem to have been a fairly short lived bug, one night of violent vomiting and a day of grogginess. I slept like a log last night and am feeling so much better now. Dad has managed not to catch it so far.

Dad is here, we called at his house to pick up more clothes and art stuff and then I just sort of bustled him back out to the van he's so tired out he hasn't really got around to challenging me on it yet, but when he does I can show him all the medical appointments he's got coming up and tell him that's why he needs to be here. So far so good 🤞

God, you poor things. I'm glad the vomiting was shortlived at least. Unbelievable what you're having to go through at the moment. X

Glad you’ve recovered!
How did you manage yesterday’s appointment @sprigatito? Was that with the derm? Can’t remember!

Did he have his sutures removed?

I cancelled the appointment for having the sutures removed, because he needed to see the dermatologist yesterday anyway about the haematoma. I did manage to get a friend to take him to that, they phoned me during the appointment so I could talk through it with them. The good news is that the swelling is going down and the wound looks to be healing properly now... so daily dressing changes and 🤞🤞🤞 it keeps going the right way. ECG on Thursday, chest Xray when they get around to it, and then we just wait for the lab results on the tumour.

I hope you get some time to rest, OP. It's been a hell of a few weeks for you, to put it mildly.

@sprigatito how are you all doing?

I have been thinking of you all too. Hope you can rest for a bit, you have been through so much. Hoping your Dad's wound continues to heal.

We are doing ok, thanks for asking! Dad's wound still isn't great, it's still very swollen and bleeds a lot, but we saw the dermatology team again yesterday and they said the haematoma will just keep working its way out and as long as the bleeding isn't excessive (soaking more than two dressings a day) we just persevere and concentrate on making sure it doesn't get infected.

I rang the medical imaging department to chase up the referral, they had lost it, but he is now in the system so hopefully they will send us an appointment.Still waiting for the lab results on the tumour. Dad's been very pale, breathless and low on energy this week, but I do think at least part of that is the stress of the funeral and the travelling. Took him to the art shop today and made him splurge on lovely new supplies, he's been rummaging through those and smiling to himself all evening and tomorrow we are going to the beach (25 minute train journey and the station is practically on the sand, so not too much walking) to take pictures of seagulls. As long as he's kept reasonably busy he is quite contented and not kicking off about going home,,so I'm just taking it a day at a time.

I am glad things are going better, and hope the imaging dept gets a date sorted PDQ.

@sprigatito Just wanted to say that the love and care you have for your dad has brought tears to my eyes. You sound truly wonderful together. I was never close to my dad, though we loved each other, so now that he’s gone (he passed 18 months ago) there’s not much to look back on. Your relationship with your dad is beautiful and he sounds adorable. What he said about his partner’s goodness never fading as it’s within him - it’s such a sweet tribute to her. Hope you enjoy your day at the beach today. I wish you and your family all the very best. 💐

Please consider a self referral to your local hospice - they can help with him being short of breath & provide effective pain management if needed. They will offer you & well as your dad further support. Hospice care doesn't mean dying it means living more comfortably. They also do respite care & many offer hospice at home where the specially trained team with undertake home visits to support you both.

There isn't a diagnosis yet so yes while i agree hospices are great for support and symptom control I think it is premature at this point to self refer.

They are awaiting an xray so when they have the results of that and the biopsy result they will have more info but for now, imo, GP management should be more than sufficient.

I agree with this @sprigatito

Symptom control is very important in your dad's case especially, and hospices are the best at doing this. They can assist with pain control as well as help with breathlessness.

By the time you get in touch with them, you'll have a diagnosis. You can always cancel them if you feel they're not needed.

Have a lovely day at the beach, OP.

Can I third this. I know it’s a horrible step to have to take so it’s easier to put it off. I can remember when DM was automatically assigned a hospice on receiving her stage 4 cancer diagnosis.

We avoided all talk of it as best we could but they were involved well before she died for pain management and help with other palliative care issues.

No one ever wants to make this phone call to ask for help. But once made it was reassuring to know there was another place we could turn to when things took a turn for the worse.

It was good to have it waiting in the wings.

I wish you a happy day with your DF together, it sounds perfect 🥰

Thanks for the advice about the hospice. I think I will ring our local one and ask for a chat around things and any advice they can give - but I'm very reluctant to introduce the idea to Dad until I have to, or at least until he has a diagnosis of something. He knows what a hospice is, and on the odd occasions he remembers his partner is dead he knows she died in a hospice, so I worry that it could be really frightening for him if I involve one now. I'm really keen for him to feel safe here and not have to cope with anxiety about his condition on top of his actual symptoms, if that makes sense. But I will give it some thought and talk to DH about it.

I don't know what to say to you OP, having read all your updates. How you are still sane is beyond me. I mean, bloody hell!! Most of us would be curled up in the fetal position rocking by now. What an amazing daughter you are! Your father is one very lucky man.

My only contribution is a bit of non medical advice (insofar as i'm not medical professional), so by all means feel free to ignore it, but when I had my emergency c sections and also a recent surgery, I put sanitary towels on my wounds attached with surgical tape. The nurses told me to after my c sections as they are obviously very absorbent, but also help to draw out infection and keep the wound clean and dry. They are also large, nicely padded and easy to replace. Obviously each case is different, but that worked very well for me. They worked well on a recent surgery too.

What an incredible daughter you are and I'm sure it's in part because of what an exceptional father he is.

My Mum, Dad and DH all had hospice care at the end of their lives, from different hospices. Don't be put off by the fear of hospices because they're brilliant. The staff know that fear of hospices is a big thing and they know how to deal with it.œ

I managed a gentle introduction to hospice care for my DH by first introducing them as specialists in managing his condition, with more time and more specific resources than the GP. He tentatively agreed to give it a go at that point. He was assigned a nurse who knew exactly how to win his trust and he looked forward to her visits. When he needed a blood transfusion we arranged for it to happen at the hospice and from then on he thought they were the bees knees.

You may even find that the hospice has an art group that your father could join. Let them know what he likes to do and they will help to find a way in.

Following your journey OP and thinking of you and your lovely Dad.. You are incredible. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Also following and wishing your Dad the best of care. Gosh what a very tough time you've had in recent weeks. I hope you get some respite soon. Mind yourself too.