Please help. Just found this on my dad's back.

[sprigatito]

My dad's partner died of cancer a few days ago, he and I were with her when she died, and I've brought him home with me until the funeral (and probably permanently). He's got Alzheimer's and his partner was his carer. He's been looking pained and twisting his shoulder, he said it's just a spot, but I made him show me his back and found this. It looks just like the squamous cell carcinoma he's had removed before, only it's enormous. He's lost weight and is pale and more vague and breathless than usual, but I thought it was just grief

This is really fucking bad, isn't it? He survived stage 4 lymphoma in 2017 and has a heart condition. I have a doctor calling me back from 111, but should I just take him to A&E?

OP I think you can start to claim a carer's allowance because you are with your DF 35 hours a week now.

https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility

This really helped my DM's finances.

OP can only claim that if her dad gets AA.

Have you claimed AA for your dad, OP? I'm sure he qualifies.

Thinking of you while you for more action. I would try to make sure your Dad has a GA as I had a basal cell carcinoma on my back removed under local anaesthetic last year and although it was not quite as big as your Dad’s swelling I had to have a lot of injections before the surgeon could operate and these were very painful. As your Dad has dementia I would think that he would not be able to lie still to have the injection.

@TheShellBeach Carers Allowance is linked to the person being cared for being in receipt of PiP or DLA, you don't have to be receiving AA just one of those.

Thank you, no doubt OP is grateful too.

I’m totally doing podcasts and also support hamsters.

I am incredibly thankful for all the wonderful advice, there are so many things in this evening's posts that I hadn't thought about yet. I will definitely look into the family carers thing, that sounds brilliant, and I do need to have a look at Dad's finances and work out what we can claim to help. I think he may already be getting attendance allowance, his partner mentioned applying for that a few months before she died. He doesn't get PIP, I didn't know pensioners could receive it. I need to tackle the question of him staying here permanently (and stop putting it off) so I can look at things like carers allowance.

I also use podcasts to get me to sleep! They are a game changer, no more lying there fretting and worrying. I'm currently listening to Natalie Haynes Stands Up For The Classics, it's hilarious and really interesting. No hamsters here but two very floofy and ridiculous cats who do a passable job as emotional support animals, given their inherent psychopathy and disdain for humanity.

Pensioners can't get PIP. You're right about that.

If he gets AA you can claim Carers Allowance.

Just sending you a supportive handhold, OP. I commented before and have been lurking but the stories about grappling with hospital bureaucracy really strike a chord with me. They produce a dread all of their own somehow.

I remember when my dear DM - with heart failure and COPD - was referred to a clinic by her (lovely) specialist nurse and the appointment was at a major hospital in our nearest big city. I drove her there (she couldn’t remotely have managed to get there by herself) and there was no car park onsite so I had to drop her at the entrance where I wasn’t supposed to be, then anxiously park in the nearest multi-storey streets away. Raced back to find her and search for a wheelchair (she wasn’t very mobile at all) to be told 'oh, we don’t have wheelchairs!' So my poor mum, who was in her mid 80s, had to walk, very slowly and effortfully, to the extremely distant room where the clinic was, supported by me, only for us to wait and wait and wait while everyone else was called in and we were still sitting there. They’d forgotten us. Finally we were ushered in to see a very unfriendly consultant who asked us why we'd come to see him…..er, well, we were given an appointment and the referral is presumably in your notes so we hoped you’d tell us?

After all that it turned out they'd referred her to the wrong hospital anyway.

It just feels never-ending, so you’re doing absolutely the right thing in querying and verifying what they tell you. You're being a wonderful advocate for your dad. Great advice from other posters too about getting as much support for you as possible.

Really sorry to hear this. You should be able to get hospital transport for your df and you (as an escort as he can't manage by himself). Hospital transport might not be mentioned on the letter but you should ring up & ask for that (and at the same time challenge the appt date given the delay so far & what the consultant said). I'd be ringing the consultant's secretary on Monday for sure.

Some hospital transport is non emergency ambulances & some is volunteers who pick you up in their car but it's all managed through the hospital x

Hospital transport though - I tried that - it was going to take 2 hours for a journey that takes 20 mins in a cab, as it’s going round picking up people all over the place on the way. Not only that but they can’t say exactly when it will arrive so you need to leave an additional hour wait time on top sitting around.

I’ve got no words of advice, but your posts have moved me so much I just wanted to send love. I know this makes no practical difference, but please try to take some consolation in that you are doing absolutely everything you can, especially in such difficult circumstances.

Ask at your GP surgery about transport. Some areas have a service offered by volunteers who will collect you in their car and take you to/from the appointment. It might have different names in different areas but by us it is called a Porters service. This is much quicker than the hospital service by ambulance that collects a number of patients.

Yes excellent point. Or ring your local AgeUK office (not the charity shops, the office where they run projects). If they don't offer such a service themselves in your area they will know who does.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/services/

Our local hospital has volunteers who drive patients to and from appointments. Not sure if they would do 30 miles but worth an ask.

Sorry it's all so stressful @sprigatito . I know in our area dermatology is one of the most stretched services and it is incredibly frustrating to deal with. I had a scare recently and it was all run through a third party provider with lots of clinics in strange locations (a local business centre at one point) and mistakes in referrals meaning I was sent to a facility unable to perform the biopsy I needed. It was a total mess trying to navigate it all and as others have said, I don't know how anyone vulnerable would ever get through it all.

As you are already doing, I found phoning people until I got answers was absolutely necessary. If I'd just accepted the information sent in letters I'd probably still not have a diganosis, I felt like it all only happened because I picked up the phone multiple times a day to chase/ clarify and confirm things. It's terrible honestly.

'know in our area dermatology is one of the most stretched services and it is incredibly frustrating to deal with'

Yes ours is run by a third party provider. A relative's suspicious lump took 7 weeks for results, which were fine thankfully. In the op's df case you'd hope the reporting would be expedited with his history etc but there may still be a wait post excision to hear.

Overall I think your df has been seen in a timely manner. I know you're desperate for action/results but I think the health services have been good overall. I get the 30 miles isn't great though.

@yumyumyumy i don’t wish to digress away from the support for OP in her thread, but in France, Spain and Germany OP’s DF would have been seen and treated by now with a diagnosis.

There is an insurance system there. It’s far more efficient. Yes you do pay a small amount but there are no waiting lists. Results are given immediately. I wonder why we are so taken with the model the NHS uses and is funded on. We need to pay a lot more tax for the European model. I see the greens in Scotland are finally talking about a wealth tax on the super rich today. Finally, this is the where the debate needs to go and is the answer IMHO. Only post I’ll write on this.

I'm sorry about your dad - day cases can still be GA - I have had quite a few and usually leave same day - its depends more on the surgery and the wound healing rather than it being a GA.

I have nothing useful to add, but just wanted to offer sympathy and virtual hugs. You are doing an amazing job.

I'm the same. Have been following your story and just wanted to add my support. I've been there with worry about ageing and very unwell parents, and how we need to advocate for them alongside our own family,
job and life. It's emotionally and physically exhausting-but we do it out of love for them.
Sending a love and best wishes to you and your dad.

I think after a certain age it is called attendance allowance rather than pip.

None of us can drive.

There is hospital transport for people in that situation. The transport is never very convenient but it will get organised.

Update: the dermatology department just called and asked me to bring him in today at 11am! No idea why the sudden change but I'm not complaining! Wish us luck 🍀

That's great! Good luck