Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

37 weeks pregnant and so sad..

29 replies

Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 12:39

I’ve not hard the best of pregnancies. Lots of sickness and various outside stressors… (unplanned pregnancy) much older sibling.

However, 34 weeks really took a turn for the worst and I feel constantly like I am dreading the future and I’ll never feel myself again. It’s like if I see photos or anything that reminds me of my pre pregnant self, I feel like I’ve died.

i had to change a lot due to the pregnancy so this might be why… but nothing dire.

i have a supportive partner and parents but i I am just Crippled with anxiety and sadness about what’s to come and so worried I’ll sink into PPD. I also have intrusive thoughts which I just ignore but aren’t nice.

i am on the waiting list for therapy but I haven’t even had an assessment yet so I think it’ll be a white until I can talk to someone:

I am wondering if anyone had any experience of feeling this way and did it get better when baby came ?

I want nothing more to enjoy this baby but every time I think about him, I think how I’ll be depriving my other child from attention, money, resources that she very much needs. And I feel extremely guilty for both and the worst mother to walk the planet.

I feel pathetic and hopeless and I am so angry at myself for not foreseeing the impact this pregnancy would have on me and the family. I hate to say it but I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. I feel awful to write that… and love my my baby but feel an absolute crap mum. And j am so worried my mental health will take a nose dive as it’s already so fragile… I just want my children to be happy and loved and they need a well adjustment mum for that to happen. I only have two weeks to go u til my C section.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
newbathroomtiles · 20/05/2024 12:43

It's such an awful awful feeling. I'm sorry you're struggling with it.

You need to talk to your midwife, the perinatal mental health health team and specialist MH Midwives can be such a good support.

It's better to have them on board before babe arrives.

You can pick and choose the support you want, perhaps some counselling will help. As you're pregnant if you go via the PMH team you're usually fast tracked.

I will link to a video of someone who went through similar who shared her experience. I hope it provides you with some hope and reassurance

mindutopia · 20/05/2024 12:45

I would talk to your midwife about this and also your health visitor if you've been in touch with them yet. I hate to say it, but there is quite a good chance that it won't magically get better just because your baby is born, and it's so much better to head it off now than to sink even deeper once you're exhausted and overwhelmed with a baby.

Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 12:46

newbathroomtiles · 20/05/2024 12:43

It's such an awful awful feeling. I'm sorry you're struggling with it.

You need to talk to your midwife, the perinatal mental health health team and specialist MH Midwives can be such a good support.

It's better to have them on board before babe arrives.

You can pick and choose the support you want, perhaps some counselling will help. As you're pregnant if you go via the PMH team you're usually fast tracked.

I will link to a video of someone who went through similar who shared her experience. I hope it provides you with some hope and reassurance

Thank you. I have an assessment coming up but they said it would likely be a few months until a therapist is available xx

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families General pregnancy
newbathroomtiles · 20/05/2024 12:47

It's a bit of a hard watch, I will warn you. She's very open and candid.

And this is the same girl a few months postnatal

newbathroomtiles · 20/05/2024 12:48

I'm sorry I did skim read the last half as I was rushing but still wanted to post!

Wishing you all the best and hope you find the videos insightful which is kind of what you were asking.

WaltzingWaters · 20/05/2024 12:50

It’s good you realise you have an issue and want to change it. Speak to your midwife. Keep hassling them until you get the support you need to ensure the safety and well-being of you and your family.

Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 13:00

mindutopia · 20/05/2024 12:45

I would talk to your midwife about this and also your health visitor if you've been in touch with them yet. I hate to say it, but there is quite a good chance that it won't magically get better just because your baby is born, and it's so much better to head it off now than to sink even deeper once you're exhausted and overwhelmed with a baby.

I have spoken to them and also my GP. There is not a lot they can do there is… I’m not bad enough to go on meds, nor do I really want to as they don’t recommend so whilst pregnant. I guess I’ll just have to wait and hope..

OP posts:
LondonFox · 20/05/2024 13:30

How old is your DD?
A lot from your post reads like you are worried how will baby impact her. But what she thinks?
You are bringing her a sibling. She will always have a family, even when you are gone.

This is something I repeat myself when DCs fight like rabid dogs over some nonsense. (They normally get along really great).

Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 13:39

LondonFox · 20/05/2024 13:30

How old is your DD?
A lot from your post reads like you are worried how will baby impact her. But what she thinks?
You are bringing her a sibling. She will always have a family, even when you are gone.

This is something I repeat myself when DCs fight like rabid dogs over some nonsense. (They normally get along really great).

She is ten years old so I am worried her sibling will be of no benefit and only take from her ?! At that she was happy and content with her life as it was… 😔

OP posts:
LondonFox · 20/05/2024 13:51

Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 13:39

She is ten years old so I am worried her sibling will be of no benefit and only take from her ?! At that she was happy and content with her life as it was… 😔

Show quote history

Think 10 is good ave for a baby!
She is not teen yet but no longer a child you cannot talk to.
Talk to your DD about the baby, she may be excited. Or she may benefit knowing you care about how she feels.

With larger age gap you will:
Have more time for one to one as they have diferent schedules.
They will not compeat that much as they will be in different stages in life.
You can explain to older why you have to focus on baby every now and then (you cannot explain to toddlers etc.)
And you will be able to switch beetween different challenges and not be dragged just in teen or toddler world so you will be calmer.
Your DD can be included in care for a baby making her feel more adult and recognized.

One day one will be 50, one will be 60 and they will not notice that difference in age at all but will forever have each other. Tbh once they get out of teen years they will already have a lot to do together and whole life together ahead of them.

Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 13:54

LondonFox · 20/05/2024 13:51

Think 10 is good ave for a baby!
She is not teen yet but no longer a child you cannot talk to.
Talk to your DD about the baby, she may be excited. Or she may benefit knowing you care about how she feels.

With larger age gap you will:
Have more time for one to one as they have diferent schedules.
They will not compeat that much as they will be in different stages in life.
You can explain to older why you have to focus on baby every now and then (you cannot explain to toddlers etc.)
And you will be able to switch beetween different challenges and not be dragged just in teen or toddler world so you will be calmer.
Your DD can be included in care for a baby making her feel more adult and recognized.

One day one will be 50, one will be 60 and they will not notice that difference in age at all but will forever have each other. Tbh once they get out of teen years they will already have a lot to do together and whole life together ahead of them.

Show quote history

Thank you 🥰🌸 that’s a really lovely reply.

She was excited at first but become quite detached since the pregnancy has gone which is a shame… i hope she perks up when he arrives! Xxx

OP posts:
justanotherlaura · 20/05/2024 14:27

I have a brother 10 years younger than me, I adored having a little baby around and then seeing him grow up, babysitting him when I got to 16 etc

We are still close now at 40 and 30, I'm sure when baby arrives she'll want to be involved more, 9 months feels like a lifetime when you're 10 and there's not much she can do until baby is here!

Sorry I can't be of help with the mental health issues but have first hand experience being the big sister :)

Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 14:33

justanotherlaura · 20/05/2024 14:27

I have a brother 10 years younger than me, I adored having a little baby around and then seeing him grow up, babysitting him when I got to 16 etc

We are still close now at 40 and 30, I'm sure when baby arrives she'll want to be involved more, 9 months feels like a lifetime when you're 10 and there's not much she can do until baby is here!

Sorry I can't be of help with the mental health issues but have first hand experience being the big sister :)

Aww this lovely. Is he your only sibling?

OP posts:
newbathroomtiles · 20/05/2024 14:34

Just to affirm what pp said, there's 15, 17 and 20 years between me and my older siblings.

I grew up surrounded my teens/adults and I had friends my own age from school/neighbours. It was the perfect mix and I was always really mature for my age growing up which set me in good stead for my own teenage years and young adulthood. An older sis with a good few years on you is great fun, yet also sets you on the straight and narrow.

Imagine when they're 15 and 25. Can you imagine the gorgeous bond they will have? She will tell her sister all the things she'd never in a million years tell you.

I'm now 30 and my sister closest in age is 45. We've had a set of heartbreaking family bereavements in recently years and she's my best friend in the entire world. We're so close and wouldn't have got through it without each other. I'd be so alone without her.

newbathroomtiles · 20/05/2024 14:35

My sister always says be being born when she was old enough to understand was also brill contraception😂 so no teenage pregnancies for your eldest... am I clutching here!?

Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 14:45

newbathroomtiles · 20/05/2024 14:34

Just to affirm what pp said, there's 15, 17 and 20 years between me and my older siblings.

I grew up surrounded my teens/adults and I had friends my own age from school/neighbours. It was the perfect mix and I was always really mature for my age growing up which set me in good stead for my own teenage years and young adulthood. An older sis with a good few years on you is great fun, yet also sets you on the straight and narrow.

Imagine when they're 15 and 25. Can you imagine the gorgeous bond they will have? She will tell her sister all the things she'd never in a million years tell you.

I'm now 30 and my sister closest in age is 45. We've had a set of heartbreaking family bereavements in recently years and she's my best friend in the entire world. We're so close and wouldn't have got through it without each other. I'd be so alone without her.

awww that’s so lovely and I’m sorry hear of the bereavements 💔

I am having a little boy so won’t have that sisterly bond but hopefully they will still be close. Xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 14:58

newbathroomtiles · 20/05/2024 14:35

My sister always says be being born when she was old enough to understand was also brill contraception😂 so no teenage pregnancies for your eldest... am I clutching here!?

so there really is no real benefit for her then is there? Apart from contraceptive. This is why I feel so guilty 😔

OP posts:
JasmineTea11 · 20/05/2024 15:02

I know it's not quite the same OP, but my DC have 7 year age gap and they have a lovely relationship. And as other poster said, your eldest can be involved in the care and development of their sibling in a really meaningful way if she wants.
I also agree you could share some of these concerns with your DD, e.g not having as much time/energy for her, she's old enough to understand.
Finally, my DP has 10 year age gap with his sibling, and they were close when they were younger (20's/30's)!

OneLemonOrca · 20/05/2024 15:04

This sounds so simple it almost doesnt sound believable but you’re exhausted and you need more sleep . You need to improve your diet and exercise. It’s nice weather now so you can go on walks as well. 💖

Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 15:06

OneLemonOrca · 20/05/2024 15:04

This sounds so simple it almost doesnt sound believable but you’re exhausted and you need more sleep . You need to improve your diet and exercise. It’s nice weather now so you can go on walks as well. 💖

I’ve been sleeping loads surprisingly but it never feels enough! I try to eat but I have bad nausea and no energy to prep /
shop . Do you have a suggestions of what to get? As I’ll nip to M&S soon. I did manage a short walk this morning…

OP posts:
Ritadidsomethingbad · 20/05/2024 15:07

Pregnancies are long and kids get bored waiting but when baby is here she will be a massive help! I’ve three girls they are like mother hens to babies.

Can you afford a private therapist? Even if it’s once a fortnight you can at least start talking to someone about feeling so low. Peri natal depression is more common than you think. Most of the times it’s put down to ‘just hormones’ when in fact mum is struggling a bit more than that.

Here is a link to mind
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/postnatal-and-antenatal-depression/

and also PANDAS

https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Have a look through theses and see if you can apply for some support or even try and scrape the money together to see a private therapist x

PANDAS Foundation UK

We are here, whatever the weather, to offer hope, empathy and support for every parent or network affected by perinatal mental illness.

https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/

OneLemonOrca · 20/05/2024 15:08

Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 15:06

I’ve been sleeping loads surprisingly but it never feels enough! I try to eat but I have bad nausea and no energy to prep /
shop . Do you have a suggestions of what to get? As I’ll nip to M&S soon. I did manage a short walk this morning…

Show quote history

It sounds like some kind of deficiency. What have you been eating and have you been drinking enough water. See your GP

Original poster
Boohoo123456 · 20/05/2024 15:08

JasmineTea11 · 20/05/2024 15:02

I know it's not quite the same OP, but my DC have 7 year age gap and they have a lovely relationship. And as other poster said, your eldest can be involved in the care and development of their sibling in a really meaningful way if she wants.
I also agree you could share some of these concerns with your DD, e.g not having as much time/energy for her, she's old enough to understand.
Finally, my DP has 10 year age gap with his sibling, and they were close when they were younger (20's/30's)!

Thank you so much for sharing…

I have spoken to her about it and she seems pretty non plussed - she’s going through her arrogant, tween phase where she only wants
to talk about herself and what’s going on the moment anyway… 🙄 I just hope she’s okay and it’s not a defense. Shes a sensitive soul deep down.

OP posts:
HcbSS · 20/05/2024 17:33

OP don’t worry about the age gap. My mum is closer to the brother she has a 9 year difference with than the one 18 months older. Make sure you get DP to care for the baby once it arrives so you can spend time with your older child. She will have missed you, and you her. Don’t make her a second mum. She is still a child and has 0 responsibilities.
It will improve. Well done for admitting it’s shit atm. That’s the hard bit!

TheCoralDog · 20/05/2024 17:43

I felt like this.
Was never sure about the pregnancy right from the start, but as it went on I wished so much I want pregnant and was still slim, worry free, with loads of time and energy
to spend with my much older children. I felt terrible for them and could imagine a chaotic future with no breaks or fun and all the fun things I did with my older ones (surfing, hiking, bike rides, cinema) all would just stop. Even on the morning of my c section I felt glum!
It went away. He was born and i just adored him. Still do!! The other worries I had just..weren’t an issue. We still do fun things, but one of us hangs out with toddler. Or he gets carried or put in bike seats etc! The older children love him. He’s like the funny cute pet of the family. At 10 (my oldest was 10) the age for jealously was past and we enjoyed the newborn stage together! They loved watching films and holding him
for hours.
Change for me is terrifying and uncertain. But it turned out to be brilliant on a way in ever imagined.
So please have hope! And give yourself things to look forward to. 👍