Naming a son or daughter as executor of your will but not making them a beneficiary

[CFWillSituation]

What do you think of that?

My father had 5 children. He named the eldest (my older brother) as executor, even though he was married to a fit and healthy much younger woman at the time of his death.

He made no provision for the eldest two of the five children in his will. When his wife dies she will leave everything to the three youngest children. It's all in the will.

Now I learn he is executor of the wife's will too (I think that's how mirror wills work or would she have actually gone out of her way to name him) and will have to go through it all again!

I think my brother should stop this in his tracks now and have nothing more to do with it. I can't believe she expects him to do all that work again and her will and disposing of the assets will be WAY MORE complicated than when my father died.

But my brother won't walk away, he is too enmeshed and duty bound. All of this just makes me dislike the wife more and more, which isn't helpful.

Posts about inheritance really wind me up. No-one has an automatic right to anything.
But yes, that’s bloody cheeky.

There’s absolutely no way I would be the executor if I wasn’t a beneficiary.

It can be a pain in the arse.

I wouldn't be happy about this. Is there a reason why he's left his son nothing, like he's a multi millionaire and doesn't need it?
If its a complicated will, selling property and assets etc, it takes time and effort. I would be tempted to tell them to engage a solicitor to do it

What a horrible thing to do.

Refuse. Or get a lawyer to be joint executor and hand it to them after the death.

💐

I would wait until the death has occurred and then recuse myself.

This is similar to my situation. My parents have me as executor for their wills but I will not benefit in any way. Other siblings and grandchildren are set to have shares but not me. That's life and that's their choice to make. Not mine.

I'd refuse to be the executor. If death has occurred, the beneficiaries can apply to do the work. I don't see why your brother should do all this work in order to give a load of money to 3 siblings and get nothing himself.

I'm currently an executor and have previously done FILs. The amount of work is very surprising, even for very basic and small estates which both of these are.

Why would you do all that work though?

Unless some of the grandchildren benefiting are your own children.

OP - are you in touch with your step mother? Could you say to her that you think it’s unfair to make your brother executor as it will be a lot of work, when it’s only his siblings who will benefit, and perhaps she should amend her will so that the many hours of unpaid work sorting her estate will only fall on the people who will benefit from it.

if you don’t feel able to have the conversation with your step mother, could you speak to any of your half siblings and point out that all of dads estate went to their mum, but she’s only leaving that to her 3 bio children, yet expecting one of the children who gets nothing to do quite a lot of work as executor for free. That you think they should speak to their mum about at the very least not making your brother the executor, because you know out of kindness to them, he’ll do the hours of work for nothing, and really one of them should step up and sort the legal issues, or pay someone if it’s too much for them.

have conversations with your siblings now, be clear you understand you and your brother will get nothing from your fathers estate, but you do think you both should therefore be able to completely walk away from the inheritance situation when she dies.

Your choice to not do it though. I'd appoint a solicitor. It's a massive pita to execute a will.

This is your brother's decision & your only role is to be supportive of what he decides to do.

FWIW, my uncle & dad threw their share of inheritance back in the pot when their mother died, their shares were divided between 4 younger siblings from their mom's 2nd marriage. My dad & his bro adored their step-dad. My uncle still acted as Executor, never doubted he wanted to do that.

I know nothing about you, perhaps you are a lawyer or perhaps you are fabulously wealthy, but I am very curious that you seem so sanguine about this. I know my brother is daunted by the work (he's been through it twice now with the deaths of our father and mother) but my mother's affairs were all in order and it was relatively easy. And I helped as joint executor.

The three younger "children" are all well into their 40s by the way. So there's no reason why they couldn't do it.

I think that if everything from your father went to step mum when she dies you can contest the will if nothing is left to you.

Thank you for that suggestion. I am not really in touch with my step-mother any more. I took a step back when they wrote me out of their wills. Also, there are other family problems (one of the younger siblings has pretty much cut contact with her) and she hates talking about that so she hates staying in touch with me (I think!) or maybe she doesn't rate me much. Who knows.

She sees a lot of my brother - he does all the odd jobs around her house for her. They live relatively near each other, less than an hours drive. She's quite the user and not very bright, unfortunately.

I am only close to one of my step siblings and she finds the whole family situation really difficult and has in effect said to me "I refuse to talk about it". It's all really effed up.

Then perhaps you need to speak to the sibling you do talk to and say that you accept they don’t want to talk about it, but you won’t forgive them if they just grey rock you about it when step mum is alive, then just happily take the money, ignoring how much work they’ve dumped on older brother.

And yes, agree that no one has a right to an inheritance- but FFS no one has a right to other people’s Labour for free. Seems your step-mum considers your brother her family when she’s taking up his time and dumping shit on him, it’s pretty disgusting really.

Thank you for that suggestion. I am not really in touch with my step-mother any more. I took a step back when they wrote me out of their wills. Also, there are other family problems (one of the younger siblings has pretty much cut contact with her) and she hates talking about that so she hates staying in touch with me (I think!) or maybe she doesn't rate me much.

YANBU @CFWillSituation The inevitable response to your OP is that no-one has any "right" to an inheritance.

But if there is an estate, as there is for your father & step-mother, it is very cruel to cut out some children and not others. Looks like it's a case of a second family being indulged & a first family being set aside just like a first wife?

Your story is more evidence for the ways in which money in families symbolises so much else.

I hope you can make your peace with the situation. It can't be easy.

You can, but you won’t get anywhere unless youre still financially dependent on them.

You do realise that the stepmother could completely change her will dont you?

Being named as an executor in a will doesn't mean you have to do anything. Following the person's death, the executor can instruct a solicitor to do the whole thing. Their fee is taken out of the estate and costs the executor nothing. The solicitor provides the paperwork, the executor signs it, job done.

Your brother could do that.

That is a very helpful suggestion!

He can just hand it over to a solicitor. Get some recommendations, compare quotes and hand the lot over.

I've told my executor to do just that!

I am executing a will with the help of a solicitor and I would say that the solicitor doesn't just "do it all". There is a lot of correspondence and general shitting around to do. A lot.

For example, the solicitor can't do anything at all before checking the identity of an executor - form filling, an electronic check. Then they'll need the will. Well - how will they know where that is if the executor doesn't tell them?

I promise you that "handing it over to a solicitor" will still involve plenty of input from the executor.

Unless it was because the inheritance was going directly to my dc, I would decline being the executor of any will.

It does indeed. I wouldn't advise anyone to agree to be an executor unless they're willing to take on some labour.