Naming a son or daughter as executor of your will but not making them a beneficiary

[CFWillSituation]

What do you think of that?

My father had 5 children. He named the eldest (my older brother) as executor, even though he was married to a fit and healthy much younger woman at the time of his death.

He made no provision for the eldest two of the five children in his will. When his wife dies she will leave everything to the three youngest children. It's all in the will.

Now I learn he is executor of the wife's will too (I think that's how mirror wills work or would she have actually gone out of her way to name him) and will have to go through it all again!

I think my brother should stop this in his tracks now and have nothing more to do with it. I can't believe she expects him to do all that work again and her will and disposing of the assets will be WAY MORE complicated than when my father died.

But my brother won't walk away, he is too enmeshed and duty bound. All of this just makes me dislike the wife more and more, which isn't helpful.

He’s not obliged to do it. He can refuse, and they’ll have to pay a solicitor.

Being executor is usually a lot of PITA work, so to expect anyone to do it if they’re not going to benefit is IMO cheeky fucker territory.

I was the executor of my mother’s will. Everything was left to my brother and his dc. No mention was ever made of the fact that I didn’t inherit anything. I’m not bothered by the money but it still feels a snub.

If the three younger children are her step children, I would assume as soon as your dad dies there is nothing to stop her changing her will and leaving it all to someone else.
Your brother should just sign to not be executor when your dad dies and step mum pays for a solicitor like everyone else. I’ve done this, and it’s hours of soul destroying work for a relative.

That’s why you just fill in the form that says despite being named executor you are not doing it, nothing/not involved, end of. It’s easy and happens more than you think.

@NamingUserName - the dad has already died. Op and her older brother are the dads children from his first marriage, the younger three from the 2nd marriage. The OPs step mum is the mum of the 3 younger siblings. Her 3 children will inherit, the older two step children get nothing, however one of the older 2 is expected to do all the work in sorting out the estate.

@NamingUserName - you haven't read the OP at all have you?

I will do everything I can to persuade my brother to step back from this. I suspect he won't and it stresses me out! I know it's none of my business and I know it doesn't affect me, but I hate to see him being taken for a ride and, as I said, it just sadly means that my opinion of my step mother sinks lower and lower.

Perfectly fine to refuse to be executor on the grounds there's nothing for him. I would be annoyed too (not the nothing included, just at the cheek to put me as executor!)

I am the executor of my parents estate (thanks mum and dad) plus hold power of attorney, (more thanks) but still fit and well at present. I am at least 1/3 beneficiary

While I think in this situation (when there are other adults who will inherit and are capable of being executors) it's bloody cheeky I don't think that's always the case. DH and I have mirror wills and in addition to ourselves we each have siblings as executors because our children are too young to do it. Once the DC are adults it will change. Our siblings are very unlikely to inherit anything, only if all of our DC are dead as well (then they will inherit a large sum). While we know it's a big job we know our siblings will do it for our DC (another sibling has agreed to be their guardian). Hopefully they'll never need to do it.

Yes I did Thankyou?

What work? I was executor of grandparents' wills but not a beneficiary.

I passed everything over to the solicitors who did the work and I just signed the end result.

The estates paid so I wasn't out of pocket.

Sorry, I don't see the issue here.

@NamingUserName - well that's odd because you said "If the three younger children are her step children, I would assume as soon as your dad dies there is nothing to stop her changing her will and leaving it all to someone else."

When the third sentence of my OP makes it clear that my dad has already died. So that's why I thought you hadn't read what I'd written.

The three younger children are her children with my dad. She is mine and my older brother's step-mother. I thought it was fairly clear, obviously a little challenging for some.

The issue is handing it all over to the solicitor. I think this is what DB should do, I actually think he should tell her to make other arrangements before she dies. But "the issue" is I think he won't because of misdirected sense of duty. Step-mother is only 10 years older than DB btw.

It's your choice whether to act as executor though. Do you know why you are not included in the will yet respected enough to be made executor?

@NamingUserName

Yes I did Thankyou?
Not very well you didn't

Apologies for typing too quick. I was asking if the other children were siblings or the step mums and if your brother was intending to do all the work to help your siblings and she would change the will after he had put everything across in her name. Your brother sounds lovely wanting to do as your father requested, and I hope you can talk him into not doing this again.

My parents signed their house to my sister years ago, after seeing an elderly relative use their life savings on nursing care and thinking they could avoid it. They don't have savings or pensions.

They then tried to make me Power of Attorney ... like why?

I've been an executor for both my mother and my father.

In my mother's case a solicitor was the other executor, in my father's case a solicitor helped.

I haven't found it to be a particularly difficult task at all, and don't understand why people carry on as though it's such a onerous job - unless the estate is complicated of course. Especially these days where a lot of signing of forms can be done electronically.

I'm shocked by how many people have been excluded from a will & it's been done on purpose.

OP stepmom clearly didn't want either of you to inherit a penny. That's awful. I don't think I would want to do paperwork when I had been excluded from everything.

Your brother is an adult and can make his own decisions. Why are you so involved in his life that it stresses you out? Your step-mother has asked him to do a job and he has agreed - it's nothing to do with you. At all. If I were your brother I would be "stressed out" by your attitude.

Lots of executors don't benefit from a will.

You can decline to be executor I’m sure. You can certainly hand it all over to a solicitor. I’d do that, but I’d tell her so she can name one of her children instead if she’d prefer.

Yes, you can decline, however the issue here is that OP's brother seems happy enough to do the job. It is OP who is doing the ranting and raving, and getting stressed - over something which actually has nothing to do with her.

If your brother want to avoid a difficult conversation now, he can simply ‘renounce’ as executor when your step mother dies. As long as he doesn’t ‘intermeddle’ in the estate (ie start to act in the administration). The step siblings could then step in to act as executor.

The other option could be instead of acting as executor but appointing solicitors to act on his behalf, he could sign a power of attorney (limited to the estate administration) in favour of the solicitors. This power of attorney Grant would mean that the solicitors would be the ones to step into the executors shoes (not just act for them) so the solicitor would sign the forms and make the decisions. It could be as little work for your brother as simply signing off at the end. This would be more expensive but paid for out of the estate.

it does sound unfair that you and your brother were excluded from your fathers and step mothers will.

That's really shitty of your father. All dc's should be included in some way.

I can understand him feeling duty bound and I don’t think you should ask him not to, he may regret afterwards that his dad asked something of him and he didn’t do it but I think it’s good of you for looking out for him. I think it’s his choice.