Torn over breastfeeding number 2

[Mum7644885]

I currently have a 2 week old and am exclusively breastfeeding, I’m also pumping milk here and there for my partner and mum to bottle feed her. It’s really tough though, I feel torn from my first because I’m constantly stuck feeding, I have so much guilt about it, and the baby is so attached to me, which I know is a good thing but she is reliant on me to feed her to sleep and console her on the breast when upset, it is the only thing that works, she hates the car seat right now, hates the pram, hates the swing, it’s just me, it’s exhausting. I breastfed my first but didn’t seem so all consuming because she was all I had to worry about, but I just feel like I’m stuck right now, can’t get out the house and just struggling. I know I’m only 2 weeks in and things will change in time but did any other mums who breastfed number 2 feel like this ? How did you get through ? I just want to be able to get out the house and go places but feeds take so long and she hates being in the car, so it becomes such a stressful experience. I feel like it would be so much easier to just bottle feed her formula, but same time that’s not really what I want to do.

@catlady7 what made you cut soya aswell ?

My daughter reacted to it. I made sure to not eat anything and ate tub of soya beans. She got a rash and screaming in pain. Plus mucus in nappies.

@catlady7 ahh that’s a good way to get a definitive answer ! Gosh what a difficult time for you, so glad your little one is doing much better

It is! Thank you :) she's worth it.

Very normal. My second is now 16 months and still breastfeeding. My first was 2.5 when brother was born. DH took over a lot with DS1 in the beginning. I did my best to never "blame" DS2 when I couldn't come straight away, instead saying things like mummy needs a rest etc.
One on one time with DS1 once I'd recovered and established breastfeeding (around 6 weeks pp).

It's really normal and although DH mainly looked after ds1, our bond is still as strong as ever. He still wants mummy after every fall, sleeps next to me etc.

It's tough. But hang in there. You're only 2 weeks in

That sounds really tough, OP, especially with the fussiness at night. Remember that with feeding it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Many parents find a balance with mixed feeding. I hope you find something that works for you.

I've not had my second yet, I'm pregnant, but I EBF my DD and we didn't stop until she was over 3. One thing I would say is your new babe is super young, the first few weeks are tough remember, it won't be like this all the time. You're all going through a huge adjustment period at the moment and your baby only wants you, that not going to stop just because you get the formula out.

For those saying ‘get others to focus on the 3 year old and you deal with the baby’ - sure you mean well but think about that. The poor mite has had her life flipped upside down and she is too little to understand. She wants her mum, not being palmed off on everyone else to ‘deal with/focus on’ while mum deals with the one thing that turned her life on its head!

For me the BF would go before time with my older child. Baby is fine as long as it’s fed.

Depends on how you look at it. Bearing in mind o/p is 2 weeks post partum, is bleeding, sore, exhausted, and overwhelmed.

she is breast feeding. She sits on the sofa and feeds. She can interact with her eldest, watch tv, have cuddles, read books. She gets to feed, play with her toddler, and most importantly rest. She can pass the baby off when they’ve fed to be settled if she wants to be a bit more interactive with the older child.

to be able to do this other people need to step up. Do the washing, the laundry. Make cups of tea, cook meals, get the toddler snacks, water, and anything else they need.

So she switches to bottles. Great! Everyone else can help by feeding the baby.

only now it’s someone else sat on their arse with a bottle while the o/p runs around making sure everyone else is fed and watered. Does the toddler get more mum time? Or do they get in a second, I just need to sort dinner/make whoever’s feeding a cup of tea/fling a wash on/sterilise the bottles. Then her dh goes back to work and she’s up in the night having to make bottles rather than just feeding and going back to sleep.

there seems to be this idea that bottles mean other people can “help”, and make life easier for mum. In my experience I got more rest sat bf while everyone else ran around, and someone else feeding while I ran around was by far the worst.

This is exactly what I’ve seen happen in my friends/family. Actually encouraged by one of the dads, who wanted a piece of the sofa action!

I have 5 children, I have breast fed, combi fed, exclusively expressed and formula fed. I can honestly say, for me, formula feeding was so much easier.
My mental health has never coped with being stuck at home, being sat in a dirty house. I need order in my home to be able to relax and I need to get out every day or my anxiety goes through the roof.
There are 22 months between my youngest two. I fed for 3 weeks then gave up as I could feel my mental health deteriorating and I could also see how it was impacting on my toddler. It was honestly the best decision I ever made.
Breast feeding is hard, and fair play to anybody who manages it but please don't anybody feel bad if they decide it's not for them or if you have to introduce a couple of bottles per day.
My health visitor gave me the best advice ever and she just said do what's best for you and your family and ignore what anybody else says.

Just a quick update - feeling a bit better about everything, I’ve started pumping more so there is milk for others to feed and able to get out a bit more so I’ve been doing nursery pick ups and spending time with my first when ever I can, suppose it’s a case of learning our new normal as a family of 4 and it will take time

Aww, that's good to hear 😊

Yay! 💐