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Original poster

Torn over breastfeeding number 2

64 replies

Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 11:01

I currently have a 2 week old and am exclusively breastfeeding, I’m also pumping milk here and there for my partner and mum to bottle feed her. It’s really tough though, I feel torn from my first because I’m constantly stuck feeding, I have so much guilt about it, and the baby is so attached to me, which I know is a good thing but she is reliant on me to feed her to sleep and console her on the breast when upset, it is the only thing that works, she hates the car seat right now, hates the pram, hates the swing, it’s just me, it’s exhausting. I breastfed my first but didn’t seem so all consuming because she was all I had to worry about, but I just feel like I’m stuck right now, can’t get out the house and just struggling. I know I’m only 2 weeks in and things will change in time but did any other mums who breastfed number 2 feel like this ? How did you get through ? I just want to be able to get out the house and go places but feeds take so long and she hates being in the car, so it becomes such a stressful experience. I feel like it would be so much easier to just bottle feed her formula, but same time that’s not really what I want to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 17:21

@Kirstyshine my partner has been home the first two weeks and is due to go back to work next week but staggered, so he has booked the back end of the week off. Even so, we still could do with more help.

Honestly im just so tired now I’m really not sure what on earth I’m doing, ive gotten my self in a bit of a hole when it comes to sleep and I’ve hit rock bottom, made worse by the fact baby has been so difficult today.

Anyone who has been over has been great and brought little gifts etc for number 1, my partner is doing everything with and for my first but she is giving him a hard time and he is super sleep deprived also so it’s not easy for him either.

My original post has completely unraveled into much more

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Kirstyshine · 18/05/2024 19:12

This was the hardest stage for me. Things will get better, honestly. Even if all you do is survive the hours and then the days, without trying to improve anything, things will get better. Big love to you 💐

BurbageBrook · 18/05/2024 19:27

I'm not trying to be dismissive in the slightest as I had awful baby blues but hormones at the two week mark could definitely be making this all feel much harder as well -- though of course I know it would be hard anyway! I remember with my baby who breastfed constantly for the first few weeks, I had a big cry to my DH that I missed him so much because she was always on me. It got a little better and a little easier each day. And as my post birth hormones lifted I was better able to cope with the cluster feeding. And yeah she cried whenever she wasn't on me and feeding, pretty normal for fourth trimester to some extent but keep an eye out for CMPA symptoms.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Breast & bottle feeding Families
Original poster
Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 20:54

@Kirstyshine thank you 💕

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Original poster
Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 20:57

@BurbageBrook no you are definitely right, my hormones are probs a mess right now and I no for sure the sleep deprivation is really making things feel so much worse.

I had awful baby blues first time around and it’s definitely not been as bad this time round but now the lack of sleep is really affecting me, not to mention I was already exhausted before having the baby so hardly went into this with a ‘full tank’ so to speak

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Scottishskifun · 18/05/2024 21:01

Have you got a good baby carrier/sling? I learnt how to bf in my ergo with number 2 and it was a game changer!
Meant I could take my eldest out to the playpark etc and just gave boob when required. The little hood in the ergo meant nobody knew what I was doing it really helped.

LostMySocks · 18/05/2024 21:01

I had a 2 year gap and BF both. I had a 'deal' with DS1 that whenever DS2 was being fed he could snuggle up next to me for as many stories as he liked as I had 2 arms so one to hug each boy. He was a book lover though. We read a lot. Sometimes he just sat and breastfeed his teddies. Sometimes I had to tandem feed a baby and a teddy.
DS2 still took a lot of time but at least DS1 felt he was getting attention too

Caterina99 · 18/05/2024 21:08

I mixed fed DC2 and for me it was a lifesaver. She actually breastfed pretty well (DC1 was a complete nightmare) but I just needed to not be permanently attached to her.

Pumping didn’t work out well for us so she had one bottle of formula a day. Usually around 10/11pm to try and help me with sleep, but it was useful to know she could be left at any time if needed. For us it was the right choice and it didn’t affect breastfeeding.

I think if you can push through this next couple of weeks, which for me was the hardest part of breastfeeding, then it’s actually much easier than bottle feeding out and about. Bottles are a faff for sure!

Withswitch · 18/05/2024 21:10

Lying in bed all weekend with both DC is a win at this stage

I remember I was in tears at the bond between me and DC1 being weakened. She would sit with DH and I would be balling my eyes out that our bond was broken and we'd made a huge mistake having dc2. Of course a few weeks later it was fine and it was all hormones and change.

Be kind to yourself!

Original poster
Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 21:50

@Scottishskifun yes I have a fabric sling and also an ergo baby, getting to grips with the sling and forgotten how to alter the ergo baby so I need to re figure that out. I fed using the sling today … albeit in a blind panic because baby was screaming whilst we were out, so wasn’t the comfiest but I will figure both out and use them

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Original poster
Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 21:51

@LostMySocks I like the book idea, I’ll give that a go tomorrow ! Thanks

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Original poster
Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 21:54

@Caterina99 I think I’ll stick it out for 2 more weeks and then see where we are at, I could pump milk for nearer bedtime so my partner could feed but just feels like more work. I also am going to cut out dairy and see what affect it has on baby’s general comfort over the next 3 days so once I know the effect of dairy, I could consider a bottle of formula of an evening like you did

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Original poster
Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 21:57

@Withswitch yes this is how I’m feeling now, feel like I’ve completely let my first down and miss the three of us being together, hopefully I will feel better in a few weeks and I’ll learn a new normal, also hoping number 2 stops screaming the house down asap

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Withswitch · 18/05/2024 22:14

It sounds silly but I found physical contact with DC1 helped me get over it. So the short bits between feeding I sat and cuddled my eldest, read books etc.

Original poster
Mum7644885 · 18/05/2024 22:22

@Withswitch i keep picking up my eldest and giving her the biggest hugs, I couldn’t pick her up for a while whilst pregnant and it’s so nice to be able to do it again, I think she must be wondering why I am constantly hugging her haha

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YaMuvva · 18/05/2024 22:24

I think a good rule of thumb is: if breastfeeding is breaking you to the point you are miserable when you should be enjoying your baby, cut your losses! It’s not worth the stress

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 18/05/2024 22:37

absolutely do what's best for you and your baby, but would formula make a difference, or is it the attachment to you that is tricky?

So difficult the first couple of months with a newborn and a toddler, but like others have suggested, it doesn't have to be exclusively one or the other.

I wish I did mixed feeding with my older DC as DH was on shifts, and not able to do anything much during the night feeds.

biscuitcat · 18/05/2024 22:39

I found missing the time with my eldest really hard at the beginning, as DS2 was just constantly feeding - I remember once he fell over and cried for DH instead of me, which was so upsetting. But actually, he was in a major 'daddy' phase at the time and combined with my hormones it made it much harder to cope with, so it wasn't just the breastfeeding causing that.

I found that having DH home for a good while really did help, as breastfeeding a tiny baby is just so time consuming, so if he is able to be home for longer that would be great, but it sounds like that might be tricky.

I agree about trying cutting dairy and seeing if that makes a difference - my first had a dairy allergy which I didn't realise until I started him on solids and I think that really contributed to how miserable of a newborn he was.

Good luck! You're in a really tough and tiring bit, it does get better.

FusionChefGeoff · 19/05/2024 08:51

Main points:

You're a lovely lovely Mum and your eldest won't remember this bit. She will remember that she had a Mum who was devoted to her as you obviously are. Keep cuddling her and the rest will folllow.

Yes yes yes to the sling. Invest the time now to remember how to use them and get comfortable in them. And if you can in the future use a back carry you can be so focussed on older one and youngest is sleeping peacefully on your back!

Formula feeding might not solve your problems and creates a lot of extra work so be realistic about how helpful it will be.

Cutting out dairy can take a while to fully work - up to 3 weeks according to LLL so make sure you give it a good run up.

Could also be reflux and formula won't fix that. Keep upright after feeds and try to raise cot / Moses basket to an angle rather than dead flat - so raise legs at one end.

Original poster
Mum7644885 · 19/05/2024 09:10

@FusionChefGeoff thank you !

Shes just so gassy, that’s what keeps her up of a night, she fusses so much and it can go on for hours, really need to solve that issue to get some better sleep but as you said, formula won’t fix that

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Smartiepants79 · 19/05/2024 11:11

Have you tried any of the medications you can for digestive issues in babies? Infacol etc? Have you had a GP opinion? There maybe things they can give to help with gas and settling?

Original poster
Mum7644885 · 19/05/2024 12:36

@Smartiepants79 yes using infacol but haven’t been the GP yet, I remember I went with my first and they were pretty useless

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catlady7 · 19/05/2024 12:44

My daughter also screamed and has cmpa. Cut dairy and soya out and different baba

Original poster
Mum7644885 · 19/05/2024 13:03

@catlady7 oh no soya aswell ! Soy is in loads of vegan things, how do you manage ? I’ve been vegan before but I didn’t have to cut out soya

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catlady7 · 19/05/2024 13:05

Mum7644885 · 19/05/2024 13:03

@catlady7 oh no soya aswell ! Soy is in loads of vegan things, how do you manage ? I’ve been vegan before but I didn’t have to cut out soya

Not going to lie is so hard. I'm starving constantly. Just want chocolate and proper butter and cheese. I had a vegan garlic bread the other day and wasn't the same 😥