Are men really this useless?

[justquestions]

Lighthearted and I mean that honestly, don't come with the men bashing!

I've worked as a nanny for over 20 years. Some families have been amazing and I've stayed with them all through the children's primary years and still get updates now that they're in their late teens/early 20's etc.
I just started a new job with three children. 2,8 & 11. They're lovely, I'm enjoying the job.

The problem I'm having is with the dad. He's nice and polite. But so out of touch with everything. Anything I ask him is met with 'I don't know, I'm not sure, Let me check' etc.
The mum came home and corrected all his mistakes and we laughed about it.
On the way home though I really thought, why is the mum on top of everything. Managing the schedules and holidays. Homework and housework. I obviously am there to do my job but there's only so much I can do within my hours. So I really thought that the dad seems a bit of a lazy bugger and I'm only just realising that all the dads I've worked with for the past 20 years have actually, mostly been the same and I've never even noticed.
Gender roles are clearly still very prevalent. The mums were working full time too and still keeping on top of everything. What do they keep the men around for? 🤨, sex I guess 😂
Sorry. Long post!

The fathers probably can't cook either. Although if they can read, there's no excuse really is there? Following a recipe is hardly brain surgery is it? They could all learn together.

My bugbear is offering to help without actually specifying how they intend to help. If I have to tell you what to do, that's not helping. Work it out and then tell me you can do x, y or z.

Same, I'm a man and I do my bit around the house - including most finances, sorting appointments etc.
My wife and I play to each others strengths and split the load.

A lot of the problem is people accepting lazy men then having children with them - if they're lazy, kick them into touch (figuratively of course) or choose another.

I agree, don't get involved in the first place. It's highly unlikely someone will ever change their partner so if all the "signs" are there in the early days of a relationship, move on quickly!

What did I say op? The thread would quickly fill up with women saying “oh my OH IS not like that” thinking somehow that that means no man is like that or that they lack the imagination to believe that sll men aren’t paragons like their OH. Plus, just for a real eye rolling experience a few men popping up to remind us that NAMALT and the odd person arriving to blame mothers for not teaching their sons to cook. 🙄🙄🙄

But you've put "lighthearted" in your OP.

So you do think it's funny.

My DH moved straight from his mums house in with me. Mum did everything (even at 25!) laundry, cooking, even buying his deodorant and shower gel for him. I had lived alone for nearly 7 years at that point so obviously knew what I was doing and just sort of carried on for years after he moved in, just doing it all for an extra person as well. It was a novelty at first, but it got tiring once kids came along and once work got more demanding. DH was genuinely a bit shocked when I suggested he pitch in with the laundry, cooking and cleaning because his mind is simply not wired to think about these things because he's almost middle aged and never has had to. He knows they get done but I don't think he realised that it is a non-stop job or doing things and a non-stop job of thinking about things. He's beginning to "help" but honestly, I don't think it really occurs to him to think about why his house is clean or his clothes washed or his cupboards full. Somehow, his whole life they seemingly effortlessly have been. Even now he will do things when I tell him to but he will never think ahead of what needs doing, or even look around him for what needs doing. And he often hits me with the old "you should have told me you needed help!", even if I explain it's not "help" because that suggests that it's my responsibility and he's been kind enough to pitch in - it's 50% his responsibility. I often wish I could experience his life just for one day, to have everything just subtly fall in to place around me at all times. It's incredible.

Yes op every single man is utterly useless and basically just an orgasm provider / sperm bank.

Perhaps you're fishing from a biased pond? Perhaps people are more likely to hire a Nanny when the marriage is unbalanced and one person is shouldering all the hard work. Personally, I don't need one.

But you're missing the point. No one has taught the men and they're not motivated to learn. So this generation of Moms don't tolerate such nonsense in their own kids. Then next generation both parents are positive role models to all kids.

Personally DH is tidier than me, I'm cleaner, he does jobs like the bins and I do jobs like the loos. If I died tomorrow, my house would be clean, my kids would be fed and loved, they'd still get books every bedtime, they'd just get less TV

I am female, and really trying to buck the trend with these ‘stereotypes’ - it drives me mad!

My father was very competent at most things (he was in the military), and when he ended up with 3 daughters he really tried to show us to be self-sufficient and do things not just around the house, but also cutting the grass and other gardening, paying bills, car maintenance and just about everything else really. Plus he was a really good cook (my Mum had gone by the time I was a teenager).
So I expect the same from my husband…but he was rather spoilt by his mother (who did everything around the house - I saw her do it and it drove me potty!) so I have had to teach him the more perhaps typically ‘female’ things like washing up properly, to cook anything beyond boiling an egg, and how to use the washing machine. And clean his own loo - which I think he resents, but why the hell should I do it for him? (We both work, but I have always been the one who earns most of the money).

However, I really think it is a case that some people just don’t do things to the standard that their partners prefer. We have been married nearly 20 years and he just does not ‘see’ the dog hair collecting in the corners, or that the washing up bowl is left full of dirty suds, or that clothes need shaking out and hanging up properly if they are to dry properly! I have to just accept it now that he does things to his own standards.

Also, one thing I can’t get him to do efficiently is paperwork. It’s just not him, he’s not careful enough and makes so many mistakes that it really is easier and less time-consuming if I do it all. Which is a bit frustrating but I don’t mind really - I don’t think it’s a sex thing, just that some people are better at some things than others!

^This
We women are trained from birth to do all the child and house care, even today. It starts with girls being asked to do ‘pink’ chores for pocket money while boys are asked to do ‘blue’ chores. Girls will do babysitting, boys paper routes. Family get togethers- who is usually expected to watch all the tiny tot cousins? Whoever is a teenage girl.

So by adulthood, most women have had years of training. Most boys do not.

There are always exceptions to the rule, this is about majority experience.

Men - they can pass exams to drive cars. They can do well at work to earn promotions. They are capable and efficient enough to run a business, a town, a country.

But as soon as they get home, they're a useless lump of crap being spoon fed and head patted by their mommy substitute.

🤪