True story at the breast clinic 😂

[dahliadraws]

remembered today when I had to go to the breast clinic - as an obese women with absolutely no uplift left in her old boobs whatsoever.

they left me to get changed and gave me a single sheet to cover up my boobs - only it wouldn’t. as I lay flat the boobs each went their own opposite way. like a pair of old tights laid out to dry on a pommel horse

should I

1. use the sheet in the middle of my chest and let both nips / breast hang to either side?
2. cover up one boob and leave the one hanging free?
3. just lay there with no sheet like a psychopath
4. tuck both knockers under sheet and hold them one in each hand so they remained upright

please note there was no way of using arms to gracefully try and push them centre ward under sheet, god knows I tried

this was a few years ago now but I am laughing remembering. I am wondering what everyone else would choose in your panicked - do I have breast cancer state, knowing the staff could pop back any second … what option would you pick 😂

I don’t know and will never have this dilemma because I have miniature norks but thank you for making me laugh in the midst of a tricky week. I particularly lolled at ‘just lay there with no sheet like a psychopath’.

I hope you came up with a plan in the end and that all went well with the investigations!

Fold your arms just below your boobs and it "centers" them until they start the examination then let them run free!

Been there, done that 😳

Think I'd choose no. 5- wrap the sheet around my face to cover my blushes, and let the rest hang out 😂

My mammograms have all been standing.
My first was in Bangkok and the poor, teeny tiny Thai nurse was struggling with my height (5'11") and reaching my vast bosom to place them

this couldn’t work with my norks 😭 i was trying to squeeze them in together but couldn’t do that and get the sheet to rest on top - at least not in time

maybe if I folded my arms and held each opposite corner of the sheet .

I see a diagram coming on 😂

Thanks for the laugh OP. I Iike your options. but I think Id go for one of my own, cover one with sheet and cover other nip region with a hand.

sorry yes this was the ultrasound appointment

having had a mammogram and remembering the gymnastics involved I can only imagine! did she need a ladder 😅

secret option number 5 I like it

As a 60 year old with less than pert but still massive boobs I feel your pain ! I haven’t had to endure the breast clinic myself but dread the mammograms …..they take one look at mine and shout “ we’re going to need the extra large trays” …..they proceed to try and squeeze them into two metal plates like a sandwich with too much filling them try and move me around to get the right position which takes ages and flippin hurts tbh . Your post gave me a laugh though ….id say let it all hang out , nothing they haven’t seen before !

Option 6 is to turn the sheet so that it's diagonal - you get more coverage that way.

Thanks for the laugh, OP 😂

I had a similar situation when I was sent for an ECG, I was given a square of blue paper towel - even positioned diagonally my boobs both fell out either side of it, it was useless! Eventually I called to the lady on the other side of the curtain that I wasn’t covered but she could come in anyway, there wasn’t really any way around it!

4 but if you feel the courage ask them / at reception if they could get larger sheets.

I'd have reached across with my left hand to cup my right boob so that the left boob was in a sort of headlock

Option 3 🤔🤣
It’s like when you have a smear and they rip off a tiny tissue to cover your modesty, but the only person you hide anything from is yourself!

Bless you for seeing the humour OP 🌷👏🏻

When having breast radiography, attended by a young man and woman, I was given a small square of paper to walk from the chair where I'd undressed, 6 feet to the radiography table where I immediately had to remove it so I could be treated. All the time they were both in the room. It was so pointless but I went along with it.

Psychopathic sheetlessness for me, please. I didn't even attempt to cover the Great Expanse when I was having investigations for what turned out to be an innocuous breast lump a few months ago. All this faffing about with delicately lifting up corners of a sheet — so they see everything, but piecemeal, as though that makes any practical difference — just makes me feel like a particularly grotesque lift-the-flap book. It makes me feel somehow more exposed and self-conscious than just getting it over with and baring whatever they're going to need access to.

And smears? She's staring right up my sodding vagina. Why in god's name would it help matters to have a bit of blue paper decorously balanced on the top of my thighs, threatening to float away on every stray waft of air and tickling everywhere it touches? She's. Looking. At. My. Actual. Vag.

“Psychopathic sheetlessness for me, please.”

I completely agree .. accept.. they specifically asked me to cover up with a sheet. you and I know that’s for my dignity but it felt really weird to be asked to cover up and then be shameless tits out

supposed I could have covered my face with the sheet. option 6 i guess

If it was paper, would tearing it in two help?

Or just stay sitting up till the nurse/doctor arrives, fashioning it into an origami swan?

Could you have ripped the sheet in half and put one on each bosom?

This made me remember being measured for my first bra. I was about 5 foot but the assistant was about a foot shorter than me and was exactly on eye level with my (miniature) bust.

Reminds me of the time I went to get a chest x-ray. They told me to undress and gave me 2 hospital gowns... I thought silly them - they gave me an extra gown.

So I popped the spare one in back in with the pile and toddled off to get undressed and into my gown.

Only the gown only covers the front half and I had to walk with my naked back side against the wall all the way back through the hospital to the x-ray place.

Fold each half into a mini paper pirate hat and place one over each nip

i like it 😂

Well, if they insist. But if I must drape a paper towel over where my boobs used to be but have long since fled, I might give in to the urge to yell "Quick! My tits are escaping! You catch Righty and I'll go after Left!"

What can they expect if they send a boy to do a man's job. No, wait. That doesn't sound good. If they send a flannel to do a towel's job?

You go left I’ll go right 😂😂😂

like a pair of old tights laid out to dry on a pommel horse

this is a fantastically evocative description 😂