Shall I tell dd I can't help with moving costs. Or am I being selfish.

[Toothless224]

So dd booked a holiday a while back. For her and her boyfriend. She recently broke up with him. She could not find anyone to go with so her teen brother has ended up going. So now i owe dd 600 pounds.

Obviously I will pay the 600 back to her. But also dd is moving home. Via a swap. And I had said I will help her with moving cost . And help get GS a new bed etc .

The thing is my income is going to change very soon. I'm going to loose around 300 a month. I have things I Need to pay of in the next couple of months or so before the interest kicks in. Plus the 600 to pay dd back.

I do have some savings just under 3 thousand. Its taken me a very long time to save this up. This is to get my teeth sorted out. I still Need to save another 2 thousand.i have been approximately 3 years with hardly any teeth. I have always put my kids first including my adult children especially if they are vulnerable/having a hard time. So the saving to sort teeth is a selfish thing that I was doing for me.

Part of me is thinking pay dd pay the 600 ASAP and tell her she will have to use that for moving expenses. Another part of me thinks I should help her like I normally would and delay the teeth thing a bit longer. But then i don't know if I will be able to save once my income changes...

He does not work. I'm not getting into the whole thing of well if he wants to go he needs to pay . He needs to get a job and pay me back etc etc . Well done to the teenagers that have a job that's fantastic I wish it was the same for my son. But its not . That's a whole new thread.

Your life, your choice, clearly.

What about one of these? Kids grow out of mid sleepers really quickly in my experience. They are so low to crawl under
https://www.snuggy.com/products/blackout-bed-tent?currency=GBP&variant=32761949782062&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&stkn=ce82ace47661

Teeth first. Definitely.

She is an adult with a child of her own. Why have you got anything to do with her moving costs? Why would she expect that?
Fair enough to pay for your son who is still a teenager to go on holiday with her. But her moving costs are hers. Buying a bed for her child is her responsibility. It would be different if you had a lot of money and wanted to pay these things, but you don’t have a lot of money. Why does she expect your money for her own house move and buying a bed for her own child?

If she can’t afford those things then she can’t afford a holiday and shouldn’t have gone. Has she taken her child on holiday too? Or has the kid stayed home?

So you’ve got a teen son who won’t get a part time job, like thousands of teenagers do.
And you’ve got an adult daughter with a child who thinks money should be handed to her to cover her moving costs and a bed for her own child… because she wanted a holiday.

Maybe time to reflect on how they were raised and realise you need to change how you treat them. They’re failing. They’ve got their whole lives ahead and they need to learn to stand on their own, learn to be responsible with money and learn they have to work for that money. Your job as a parent was to get them ready for that. It’s a bit late but you need to start putting boundaries in place and get them to realise what life is like and what they need to do.

She's a grown adult and it sounds as though she's made/making some questionable choices. She'll never learn if you keep bailing her out.

You didn't have to agree to pay for DS to go with her. If she's old enough to live in accommodation away from home, she's old enough to go on holiday on her own. I've been abroad twice on my own age a younger age and, DD has travelled a few times on her own and last year (age 20) she did some voluntary work in Romania - she was literally on her own for five months except for voluntary work, but she sorted her own problems out and went off on day trips on her own.

I understand you want to support DD, but you have to look after yourself as well.

WhisperGold · Yesterday 12:09
NHS dentist or dental hospital might be able to help you out.”

🤣
We haven’t had an NHS dentist for 10 years!

Get your teeth sorted, OP. If you were my mum, I’d want you to.

A teen that won't get a job? You don't even know his situation you have absolutely no idea .

Dd is moving house so her ex does not know where she lives as he has become violent towards her. The holiday is on Saturday so it's to late to back out . And to be honest maybe she could do with a holiday.

Maybe i should have made them more ready than I have to late now. I fudked up I can't change the past . But things will have to change from now .

The point is you had the additional expense of paying for a holiday for D'S and on top if that you are facing a drop in income. Pay the £600 But say you are sorry you can't help any further. And keep your money for your dental work. That's really important as it could impact on your long term health if you don't have the work done.

That's exactly what I'm doing . 600 will cover her moving costs. Plus some money will be left . The move is most important.

I’m sure your daughter would rather you got your teeth sorted instead of constantly bailing her out. Teeth are a necessity.