Daughter suddenly changed

[PrincessConsuelaBag]

My daughter is currently someone I don’t recognise. She’s always been on the go and what I would call a bit of a wild child.

Recently though she’s changed massively. Suddenly developed extreme separation anxiety. Mostly to me but also to her Nan. This has lead to her running away when getting to school and having to be taken in the the teachers. She goes in to fight or flight mode I think.

She has lost weight, snacks and only really eats cereal. I can’t remember the last time she had a meal, she used to be a bottomless pit!

Struggling to get to sleep, often still awake come 11pm.

She seems to have developed an obsession with getting fresh air!? She’s asked school to eat outside as well as family members. She HAS to have the window down in the car and her bum doesn’t even touch the seat because she’s trying to get the fresh air on her face!?

She is so obsessed with wanting to do something, last weekend she spent the day out doing various things, when she got back she still wanted more. I feel like there is no satisfying her.

GP didn’t seem overly concerned and has arranged a blood test. I took her to the GP because she was lethargic and seemed to be pale/bruise easily. She seems to be more energetic now.

Has anyone else experienced this!? She’s 9.

The food restrictions and constantly wanting to be active would be ringing massive alarm bells for me for the beginning of an Eating Disorder.

Sleep also suffers when you aren’t getting enough calories as your body wants you to go and find food.

Is she willing to discuss with you how she’s feeling?

Sounds like she is really anxious over something. I would have a chat with her. It could be something she has read in a book/seen on the news or a programme or someone at school has said.

Sounds like she's getting bullied. Probably cruel comments about her weight? I'd speak to her about school and tell her if she has a genuine reason she doesn't want to be there you will take action, including keeping her off until its resolved if necessary. I made my son keep going In high school and its affected his mental health massively. I did do all I could to help him whilst making him attend but it wasn't enough. If she's not being bullied it must be something else. The fresh air sounds like either panic attacks or some other form of anxiety or ocd. There's an issue though and a serious one by the sounds of it, very important you get to the bottom of it asap

If you had a good relationship you would be able to go and ask her right away. Could be any number of things but something rough is going on for her bless

Um, we do have a very good relationship. I have asked her and she said she just misses me. I’ve asked her about school and she says she gets a rumble in her tummy and this makes her want to run. I took that as anxiety.

I have asked about any bullying and she assures me there isn’t any.

This is all out of nowhere. No huge life events recently or anything.

She has told me something actually, she said she is scared of being sick and being with me feels safer!? Her older sister has emetophobia so now I’m wondering if it’s that!?

Ah, yes one of your first comments about her wanting fresh air stood out to me - emetophobia. I became very frightened of school between about 7 - 10 years (kids throw up all the bloody time), and when asked by a kindly school secretary or teacher what was making me so anxious, I also said I just felt like I wanted to be with my mum all the time.

Ask her if she's seen or heard anything at school recently that scared her, like someone being sick. Tell her she doesn't need to be embarrassed, it's really common and she can talk to you about it and won't be laughed at or told off (I was always getting told off so never actually told anybody what I was afraid of as it sounded so stupid - but it was the early 80's). If her sister has it I'm willing to bet she's picked up on some of that.

Ask her what questions she has about sickness. Facts might reassure her.

Also - thank you for noticing. Nobody noticed my anxiety, I was just "naughty". Edit - I mean they noticed and asked me, but I couldn't articulate it so I was written off as difficult.

Oh, and the rumble in her tummy making her want to run - yep, that was me too. She is trying to keep busy so she doesn't focus on her belly. Bless her heart.

Definitely emetophobia, I had it really badly as a child after seeing multiple incidences of throwing up at school. I used to cry about going in, have tummy trouble and started obsessing about what I was eating too. Unfortunately in schools, they don't comfort the other children when someone is sick so the most sensitive ones get scared and don't feel safe anymore. I really hope your daughter is ok, I tried to tell my mum when I was younger and she didn't do anything about it so it's great you're trying to help.

It’s so common yet most people don’t know how it makes people feel.

I do think this is the crux of the problem. I do know some stuff about through my teen DD and also my older sister who suffered with it.

I will try and sensitively get some more information out of her.

I just want my children to be happy, right now only 1 is and she’s a baby! 🙈

It sounds a bit like OCD to me. There is a very fine line between emetophobia and OCD. If the change was very sudden i would suspect pans/pandas. My daughter has emetophobia and from what i read one definitely needs theraphy to control it otherwise it can take over very quickly.

Yes I definitely agree it’s all sort of linked @Lynsey5!

she has been told off at school for scooting up towards the door for fresh air. :( maybe not told off exactly more told not to and to scoot back.

Look up pandas neurological condition in children. This sounds very much like what you describe.

Wow she does seem to fit quite a few of those symptoms! I have an appt at the GP after her blood test so will bring this up!

The gps are often quite dismissive of pandas. Just to warn you. It’s quite difficult to get tests to check for

And I suppose it’s good to keep an open mind It may turn out not to be pandas. She could just have developed some anxiety which is manifesting itself this way.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It is so worrying when you just don’t know how to help. Make sure to research every area of her life to check for any possible source of anxiety. I found cards with emoji of emotions are good. You can ask her to point to the emoji to show her feelings. I did this with my dc. Then that can start a conversation about what is troubling her.

The need for constant fresh air and needing the window down in the car combats the feeling of suffocation, which can happen during anxious times.

My daughter suddenly started to become very anxious and clingy at 9. I'm sure now she is "high functioning" autistic. Many things you have said about your daughter: obsessive behaviours, separation anxiety, ocd/ compulsive behaviours/ food issues - can all be part of ASD. In many "high functioning" girls it does not become apparent until around 9 years old. I'd look into it. Do some reading around ASD specifically in girls.

I was wondering about autism too. As womanfromthenorth says it can become more apparent as they get older. It often goes hand in hand with anxiety & sensory sensitivity/ sensory seeking behaviour- wondering about the fresh air here.

What @WomanFromTheNorth said. My DD had similar signs and developed OCD and other issues such as the seperation anxiety and sensory seeking for her was sticking her head out of the window and having the window open all the time in the car.
Not saying it is this of course perhaps you could ask her if she has any thoughts or worries that she has a lot? Gentle questions.
She has health anxiety as part of the OCD.

Thank you, she really doesn’t strike me as being autistic. Her older sister is currently going through a referral for either ASD or adhd so maybe she could be? She just doesn’t present like my son or older teenage girl. I’d say she shows ADHD tendencies though.

I took them to school this morning and she just refused. So we tried for break time and again she got there and just backed out again. :(

What’s she like going other places without you?

Ok ish. She will go to her hobbies with Dad fine, she will go to her friends OK but has started to give me hugs goodbye more.

she used to stay at my mums but she doesn’t do that now. Said she’s too afraid of being sick.

I was also going to suggest PANS / PANDAS. You might need to push to get this considered as it’s only recently been accepted by the NHS (recognised by the WHO for longer). Good luck to you and her 💐

The children’s e-hospital based in Yorkshire are experts in pandas.

the reason I asked if she was ok elsewhere rather than at school, is because if it is school specific then less likely to be pandas and more likely a specific problem with a worry she has at school. Maybe another child bullying her etc

I wondered if it's the start of an eating disorder and she's worried about food poisoning/being sick? Also some anxiety there too. I'd take her to the GP.